The Date
by Night-Mare-Chan
Summary: When the richest woman on the island offers money for the perfect date, Zoro is all but forced into it by an eager Nami. But will the date go as planned? Or is something else lurking just under the surface?
1. The Debt

**The Debt**

He'd woken up with his swords gone. That in itself was reason enough to panic, or as close enough as Zoro ever went to that emotion. That he hadn't sensed the culprit's presence meant it was someone he knew, the fact that Usopp hadn't been able to look him in the eye and had let out a high-pitched shriek the moment he'd walked into the galley had tipped him off— but he'd put that aside since there were his swords, lying on the table and that—that witch— that devil woman, sitting in front of them, arms folded, and the damned cook in the background, just waiting, silently mocking, Zoro knew, and filling the room with his foul smoke. Right now, though, all he can do is clench his empty fists and try to fight off the raw sinking feeling in his gut.

"I'm just calling in your debt," Nami says again, then smiles at him, flipping out a hand palm up. "If you want the swords back, you'll just have to repay your loan."

"How the hell can I repay that kind of money?" Zoro snaps. She shrugs.

"Well you shouldn't have borrowed in the first place if you couldn't repay."

That…that is… Zoro can barely form a coherent thought to point out the many flaws in what she's just said right now and there was no way he was going to splutter like an idiot in front of the dart brow.

"This is completely unfair and you know it."

"Fairness has nothing to do with it, marimo," says Sanji, blowing out a stream of smoke and lifting his head with a smirk Zoro wants to beat off his face. "If you didn't want to take responsibility for the debt you shouldn't have made it."

"Shut up, you damn cook! You're in debt, too, and I don't see you having to pay it back!" Zoro snaps. He regrets it the moment the cook's form softens and hearts seem to appear in his eye.

"I'm in the debt of love and that can never be repaid!" Sanji all but sings, wiggling his hips. "But let me try to start paying it back right now, Nami-swan!" The idiot says, arms spread wide.

"Cash only, Sanji-kun," Nami says, and Sanji seems to wilt and Zoro would have been amused if not for his damned swords lying so far away from him in her…her harpy claws. She smiles up at him, daggers glinting in her smile and folds one leg over the other. "Or, you can work off some of your debt, at least enough to pay for these—" she pats the hilt of W_ado_ almost affectionately. "By doing me a favor."

"I'd do anything for you," Sanji croons in the background. Zoro ignores him. He doesn't trust her. Every instinct he has is telling him bluntly that whatever Nami has planned for him he is not going to like. All he does know for certain is that she is evil incarnate.

"What is it?" Zoro says, wishing he didn't have to ask, wishing there was some honorable way to get his swords back, wishing the damn love cook would just noodle his way overboard so Zoro didn't have to keep listening to his simpering.

"It's very simple," Nami says, folding her arms. "All it would take is a few hours of your time and before you know it you'll be a swordsman again."

He's still a swordsman he wants to say but was sure that any harsh language on his part would have that devil woman quadrupling his debt and costing him days of his time to whatever scheme she has her gleaming in her eyes. Instead, Zoro waits and tries to pretend his throat isn't drying up.

"All you would really have to do is show a woman a good time," Nami says with a light shrug and a smile. Zoro blinks, straightens up. Of all the things he is expecting this is definitely not it. In the background the cook makes a faint squeaking sound. Zoro is too bemused to enjoy it. What can she mean by that? Unless…she wants him to take her out. Unless…this is her bizarre way of…asking him out. A new world opens up under Zoro's feet. A world of darkness and uncertain razor sharp rocks hidden in the shadows. He's never been ready for any sort of relationship, let alone with one of his nakama, but… his swords lie so openly vulnerable on the table, trusting he will be able to get them back.

"N…Nami-swan," Sanji stutters. "You…you can't mean…"

"Uh…" Zoro scratches the back of his neck, finding it difficult to talk now that his stomach has dropped somewhere past his knees. "Well, what would you like to do?"

"I don't mean me," Nami says. Oh. That is a relief. Sort of. Unless ,of course, she's talking about…

"Surely you can't be saying that Robin-chwan wants anything to do with this leftover side of wilted cabbage," Sanji says.

"Oi," Zoro says, tempted to knock the cook's head in. This is bad enough without his running commentary. Doesn't he have anyone else's conversation to intrude on?

"Not Robin either," Nami says, waving a hand. Who the hell else was a woman aboard this ship? Unless one of them was hiding something really damn surprising he couldn't think of who Nami even meant.

"I'm talking about Lady Agnes," Nami says, pulling out a rolled up paper behind her and unfurling it with both hands to reveal the printed picture of a woman with frizzy red hair and a pointed chin. The picture looks dull, as if it's seen a lot of weather. Zoro doesn't get it. Who is she? No one familiar. A friend of Nami's?

"She's very lonely," Nami says with a sigh. "Living all by herself in her mountain tower."

"Nami-swan, forget him. I can do this," Sanji says.

"And all she's ever wanted is a man to show her a great night on the town," Nami says.

"I volunteer!" Sanji says.

"And most importantly," Nami says, rolling the poster back up. "Is giving a hundred thousand beri to the man who can." That damn smirk is back and more importantly, his stomach, filled with heat now. He knew there had been a catch! There was no way in hell he was doing anything like that!

"There is no way in hell I'm doing anything like that!" Zoro snaps.

"Not that I question your judgment, Nami-swan" Sanji says. "But I would be far better at treating this lady like a princess than the meat headed marimo. Please, allow me to win that money for you." He finishes with a sweeping bow. Who the hell is he calling meat headed? Zoro bites his tongue. If Sanji can get him out of this farce he is more than happy to let one insult slip by.

"Oh, I know, Sanji-kun," Nami says, standing and thwapping the rolled up poster softly in her open palm. "And if it were up to me I would let you. Unfortunately, Lady Anges prefers her men more…" she looks Zoro up and down in a way that makes him distinctly uncomfortable. "…beefy."

"Well I would certainly call him bovine,"Sanji says, smirking at him across the distance as he lights another cigarette. Why that—

"Exactly!" Nami says and smiles at Zoro. "And since I don't have enough on Franky to pin him down, it looks like you're it!"

That— She— Evil. Pure evil. Damn witch! No! He was not— There was no way in hell he would ever—

"Listen, you—" Zoro started.

"No, you listen," Nami says, whacking him on the shoulder with the rolled up poster. "Cola is expensive here and we're running low on funds as it is. Anyway, you're going to be the one who complains if we have to cut sake out of the budget."

She has a point. She has a point and somehow that is even more annoying. Well—fine. It was just for one night, wasn't it?

"Also it's been a while since I've had some new clothes," Nami says cheerfully and Zoro feels his knuckles creak as his fists clench. Why that little— He glares at her with every ounce of outrage he possesses right now. She sticks out her tongue at him.

"So I assume you agree," Nami says.

"I never—" Zoro starts.

"In the meantime, I'll hold your swords as collateral." She moves beyond him do the open doorway. "Usopp!" she calls. Zoro narrows his eyes. That was right. Usopp... There is a long pause and then, distantly.

"I…I'm c…coming." A soft thud. "Ahh! M…my stomach s…suddenly really hurts! I c…can't seem to move!"

"I guess someone doesn't need those new caltrops then," Nami says in a hard voice. Another silence. Then the sudden clatter of feet against the deck and Usopp bursts in a sudden frenzy of brown and black and long nose. He gathers up the swords against his scrawny chest and Zoro lunges for him only to have to stop short and block the damn love cook's sudden kick with his forearm. Usopp yelps and dives out the door, banging the sheath of _Kitetsu _against the door frame. It sings unhappily.

"Well," Nami says with a smile. "Better get started! Come on, Zoro." She disappears from the doorway. Sanji's leg still remains pressing heavily against his forearm and Zoro knows if he relaxes even a little he'll be slammed into a wall. Damn cook.

"You got lucky," Sanji says and there is a click and small flare as he lights a cigarette. "But if you hurt the Lady Agnes' delicate feelings one bit you will regret it." Sanji finally lowers his leg. Zoro snorts.

"This is all your fault. If you weren't such a limp white noodle you could do this."

"Who the hell are you calling a limp white noodle, you shit head swordsman!" Sanji snaps and suddenly Zoro has to dodge and block a flurry of kicks.

"You are, you damn love cook! I could break you in half with my fingers!"

"Break this!" Sanji snaps and Zoro has to block a particularly vicious downward kick to his head with both arms. The force of it vibrates lightly though his bones.

"Zoro!" Nami snaps. Sanji lands gracefully with a burning look that says 'we'll finish this later' and Zoro gives him one right back. It's not as if he wants to do this. It's not as if he has any damn choice. Grunting he stalks out into the sunlight. Robin is there, too, smiling as if she knows the whole story and is amused by it.

"Where are we going?" Zoro asks as he follows the two women across the deck.

"Shopping," Nami says.

"Why the hell are we going shopping if we're running out of money?" Zoro snaps. If it's some stupid reason he's going to get his swords back no matter what he owes and he'd like to see this witch to try and take them away.

"To get you something to wear that won't send Lady Agnes running the other way," Nami says, seeming not at all aware of the glare he's pinning between her shoulderblades.

"We might have our work cut out for us," Robin says.

"That's true," Nami says with a laugh. Damn wench. He sees Usopp coming back out onto deck, swordless, and sends the sniper a glare that makes him jump a foot high and dart right back where he came from. Zoro sighs. Well there is nothing he can do about it now. And it's only a few hours, right? Just a night on the town not the whole damn night. He just had to get it over with.

"Oii, Nami!" Luffy calls from the Thousand Sunny's figurehead as they reach the dock. "When are we going to have our meat party?"

"As soon as Zoro wins, Luffy!" Nami calls back.

"Yoosh!" Luffy says, pumping his fist in the air. "Go, Zoro! Win the money so we can have a meat party!"

Zoro glares at the dock, teeth clenched so hard they are squeaking against one another, listening to Luffy's fading chant of 'meat party! Meat party!' as they get further away from the ship. That settles it. When this is over he's going to kill somebody.

* * *

><p>Oda owns One Piece<p>

I own a few socks

FNA Sora owns a kicking sense of style and is a great beta reader.

Also the great and powerful Effie, for without which, no such fic would happen.


	2. The Girl

**The Girl**

Well, it's not too bad.

Zoro looks at himself in the mirror, surrounded by the strangely sweet smelling air of the girls' cabin. He is aware of Nami behind him, eyeing him critically. Robin, too, he is sure, but her presence is less noticeable. Still, it's okay. He had been briefly afraid that he would end up in the suit they'd kept making him try on. It had been black and tight, and made him look like he was trying to imitate the love cook and failing horribly at it. He'd been ready to call of the whole thing off and damn the consequences, but what they'd finally chosen isn't bad. The dark blue yukata is the perfect weight for this spring island. It has white herons on it and a darker blue, almost black obi belt, which his swords would fit nicely in provided he still freaking had them. Damn the witch. But he is resigned to this, now. At least they hadn't done anything weird to his hair and let him keep his earrings, so he isn't completely unbalanced.

"Well, I guess it will have to do," Nami says.

"It should be interesting," Robin says and Zoro narrows his eyes. He's starting to feel like some sort of performing gorilla.

"Can we go now?" he says, turning to face them. He wants to get this over with. Get it over with and forget it. There had better be plenty of booze at this damn meat party or someone is going to have to answer for it. Robin laughs softly and while it's nice to see a genuine, if somewhat puzzling, emotion from her—he wishes it isn't at his expense.

"We'll go soon," Nami says. "Wait for me on the lawn deck, okay?"

"Tch," is all Zoro can manage to say in reply. He makes his way out to the deck. Night has fallen. The moon sits low and full on the horizon and there are a million stars in the sky. It would be peaceful and reflective if all of his nakama, sans a certain long nose, weren't scattered on the lawn deck, and looking at him like he is some kind of traveling circus. He is going to kill all of them.

"Wow! Zoro, you look so cool!" Chopper says, sparkling with enthusiasm and Zoro amends his death list somewhat.

"Right," Franky says, giving him a thumbs up. "You look _super _for your date!"

It's not a date! Zoro wants to say. Except, if it isn't, then what is it? He slips one arm from his sleeve and rests it against his yukata, letting his hand drape out. He wants to lean it against his swords but he can't do that. Still, he sighs and takes Franky off the list. It's not as if Franky really has any part of this.

"And if you win, Nami says I can get that anatomy book with the colored pictures," Chopper says, gleefully. "It's supposed to be the most detailed one yet."

"And I get that wrench set I've been looking at. Ow!" Franky says, posing with his hips thrust out. Zoro glares at them. All of them. Going to die. Slowly and painfully. In pieces.

"Na, Zoro," Luffy says from where he's crouching on the railing and picking his nose. "What exactly are you going to do, anyway?"

"You don't even know?"

"He's going on a date," Sanji says. Zoro glances at the cook who is leaning against the foremast, end of his cigarette glowing faintly red then brighter as he pulls on it, reflecting in his eyes. "And he's going to remember what I said about it."

"Yeah, yeah, I remember," Zoro says, widening his stance a bit. "Noodle cook."

"That's it, shithead!" Sanji howls and Zoro is ready for the kicks now, blocking and trying to hit back. He doesn't expect to actually land a hit, which has always been a pain in the ass because even though Sanji may be a noodle he was a damn fast noodle, but it's nice to do something he's familiar with and get a good workout before…before whatever the hell is going to happen tonight. The door to the women's room opens.

"Can't you guys let up for two minutes?" Nami says. Zoro glances at her. She is wearing a short skirt, a business type shirt, and glasses that glint in the light when she pushes them up. She is also holding a small black book to her chest. Zoro has a sudden sinking feeling.

"Nami-swaaan!" Sanji says, nearly exploding from the force of his own admiration as he noodles his way toward her. "You dressed like that for meee!"

"Not quite," Nami said, deftly stepping out of the cook's way as he all but launches himself at her. She shifts the glasses again and smiles at Zoro. "Shall we go?"

"Why the hell are you dressed like that?" he said.

"Because I'm posing as your secretary," Nami says. "If you think I'm going to risk losing a hundred thousand beri to you being an idiot you have another thing coming."

Zoro grits his teeth but lets her have her way. It isn't like he knows what the _hell_ he is doing after all. Anyway, it doesn't matter so long as he gets his swords back.

"Have fun!" Robin says as they start to walk away. Fun. Right.

As they pass, Zoro sees a darker shadow against the darkness of the wall. A familiar long nosed shadow, that whispers: "Do your best, Zoro." As if he honestly didn't think he'd been heard. Zoro stops sharply right where he is and glares at the shadow, sending out a rippling wave of ki as he does.

"N…N…Nami made me do it!" Usopp yelps before bolting into the safety of the aquarium bar and slamming the door. Zoro snorts and continues walking. He didn't doubt that completely. Likely Nami had just made the offer really tempting. She is evil. That is all. Pure, undiluted, evil.

"Good luck, Zoro!" Luffy calls as they descend onto the dock. Zoro can feel his nakama gather up behind him.

"Go, Zoro!" Chopper says.

"Sweep her off her feet!" Franky says. It would be somewhat inspiring if the situation wasn't so damn ridiculous. Once they are out of range of the good luck wishes of their nakama, Nami opens her book.

"I've received a message that we're going to meet Lady Agnes at eight o'clock, so we should have enough time to get there."

Received a message? They'd only been in port two days. She must have started planning this as soon as she saw the damned poster. There is another one on the wall over there, and a third on a lamp post and what looked like a fourth skittering in the wind. Just how desperate is this lady?

Now that he thinks about it, there is something desperate about the town, too, especially in the dark. Prickles wash over him whenever they pass an alley or he sees a flicker of a curtain behind a cracked window. Zoro can't be sure if they are aggressive stares or not, but it is definite they are being watched. Not to mention a lady with a hundred thousand beri to blow sure doesn't seem to spend much more on this town.

"You should be careful, Nami-san," Sanji says. "Don't wander off. There's something in the air here."

"Mm," Zoro says. Then stops and jerks around. "Why the hell are you here?" he snaps. The cook smiles, dipping his head.

"Me?" He swings his cigarette hand in a wide arc, making the smoke curl. "I'm here to protect Nami-san's virtue for this leg of the trip!" Her virtue? What the _hell_ does he mean by that! Before Zoro can ask Sanji's face melts and he blows a heart shaped puff of smoke from his nose.

"And of course the gorgeous Lady Agnes must be warned, too. I'm sure she'd like a knight that had some sense of style!"

Yeah. If she can stand him 'mellorining' in her ear the entire way. Well. Forget it. Let the cook do what he wants. Hopefully once the date starts they can lose him somewhere. Or maybe Zoro will get lucky and the damn lady really will prefer Sanji's…personality.

There is silence for a while as they pass through the narrow back streets. The sound of music starts to float through the air, getting louder and wilder until finally they emerge from the alley into a madhouse. There are people dressed in bright colors and feathers jamming either side of the road and throwing handfuls of confetti. Musicians tromp down the middle of the street, blowing horns and crashing cymbals and beating at weird instruments that look like ribs strung together.

"Well," Nami says after a moment, though Zoro can barely hear her above the noise. "I didn't expect this."

"It looks like some sort of festival," Sanji says. "But no food."

Who the hell cared about that? Zoro's only concern is how to find anyone in this mess, let alone the Agnes woman. Though maybe… maybe they won't be _able _to find her…in which case he doesn't have to do anything and Nami can hardly blame him. On the other hand, the log pose doesn't reset for three days yet and there is no way Nami is going to let that much beri slip through her fingers. Damn. Zoro leans against the wall. He doesn't intend to help any more than he has to.

"Geeze, what a mess," Nami says.

"She seems like she must be the richest lady around here," Sanji says. "So if that's the case she might be in that thing." He points down the street to where a decorated palanquin is being carried by four brawny men in leather masks.

"Kinky," Nami says dryly.

"But so cute!" Sanji says and Zoro is about to call him out on his noodling again when suddenly it strikes him that if that _is _Lady Agnes the leather masked carriers might very well be his fate. But maybe it's not her. Maybe it's someone else. It could be anyone else.

"Make way for the great Lady Agnes-sama!" says a man riding in front of the palanquin. No. No way. He is getting out of here. Right now.

"That's our ride," Nami says, giving him a push. Let Sanji do it. He can cook for her or something. Even drag Franky here. Zoro is sure even the cyborg can be convinced at sword point but there is no way in any of the seven hells…

"Sanji-kun…" Nami says.

"With pleasure," Sanji says. Zoro senses the kick a moment too late and the foot plants in his back and sends him stumbling right into the street almost into the line of paraders. That bastard! Zoro clenches his hands. He waits for Sanji to wade his way through the crowd opening a path for his damned evil mellorine and come within range before throwing a punch at his stupid head. Sanji blocks it easily.

"Is the marimo afraid of a little romance?" Sanji says with an annoyingly superior look on his face.

"I'm not a pervert like you."

"My love is as pure as a crème brûlée," Sanji says. A rotten one anyway. About as rotten as Zoro is feeling right now. He can't think of any kind of cutting remark to that so decides to go back to the basics.

"Limp noodle."

"Why you—!"

"Damnit, knock it off!" Nami snaps and Zoro sees stars as her incredibly sharp fist pops into the side of his head. Shit, she is stronger than she looks. At least Sanji has a good sized lump, too. Zoro rubs the back of his head and realize the parade has pretty much come to a standstill. The man on the horse comes up to them and stares down at them imperiously. Zoro doesn't like him. He has a sneaky weasel face and a snobby air about him.

"Who dares bar Lady Agnes's way?" he says.

"I'm Lord Zoro's secretary," Nami says. "We were supposed to meet Lady Agnes-sama here."

"Lord of what?" Sanji mutters and Zoro still can't think of a comeback because the adviser smirks and announces:

"The candidate has arrived!"

The crowd erupts into cheers and Zoro hears another "Go, Zoro!" He spots his damn captain and the rest of his nakama in the alley they just left, which means everyone is going to see him getting into the palanquin like some damn…damn harem boy. He is going to strangle them all with their own guts after making them eat their shoes.

The palanquin stops, the leather guys lower it, and the velvet curtains start to part. Zoro's heart decides to climb up into his throat and die. But…but he is here now. And he has faced everything without showing fear. What else is this but a sort of battle? Right? Just a fight. Sort of. And he will face this as he has done everything else.

"Smile, damnit, you look like you're about to bite something in half," Nami mutters out of the side of her mouth.

The curtains are opening more. Sanji is singing mellorines in the background. Zoro takes a step back for…for better balance and then the curtains are flung open in a wide gesture and… there stands a woman who looks to be Kokoro-san's age with a hooked nose, bushy red hair. She's about as round as she is tall.

"Mello—" Sanji stops. Then: "Zoro, I leave it to you."

That… _bastard_.

"Well, she's let herself go," Nami says.

Lady Agnes eyes sweep the crowds and then fix on him. He feels like a beetle. Like an ant. Like he wants to trade places with that damned Usopp for just one day, drop his pride like a bad cold and run screaming into the night. The crowds hush. And then a laugh. A familiar laugh. Zoro's teeth clench.

"So that's the kind of girl Zoro likes?" Luffy says. "How funny."

"It's not!" Zoro snarls back at him.

"It is!" Nami snaps, smacking him in the back of the head so hard that his ears ring.

"Damnit, you—!" he snaps and she gives him a look that says 'swords' in big capital letters. He bites the words back.

"Well?" Lady Agnes says, her voice like a creaky windmill.

"Sorry, sorry," Nami says apologetically, dragging Zoro closer. "He's shy."

Lady Agnes smiles, the expression crawling across her face and under Zoro's skin.

"He's perfect. Show me one night for a hundred thousand day dreams." She extends her hand.

Nami is poking him the small of his back, viciously. His nakama are cheering. He will do this. He will. He will. He takes her small, leathery, surprisingly hard hand and lets himself be pulled up into the palanquin.

"I'll be right beside you!" Nami sings, lifting a hand. "Have fun!" and don't do anything stupid, her eyes say.

"Well, well," Lady Agnes says as the palanquin lifts, wavering a little as the bearers seem to struggle, and then righting. She leans over him, smelling faintly of smoke and grease and heavy perfume and squeezes his leg just above his knee. All kinds of thoughts go out of his head and there is nothing but white noise.

"Let's have a little alone time, shall we?" She makes a gesture and the curtains close. Zoro stares straight ahead and swallows. One word manages to squeeze past the white noise to run in little circles around his head.

_Help._

* * *

><p><em><em>OP is not mine.

Special thanks to Liashi FNA Sora and the great and mighty Effie


	3. The Date

**The Date**

The sheltered bay is shimmering in the deepening night, and the moon is higher now, but still large and full. He can just see the Thousand Sunny moored in the distance, so close and yet so far. A faint wind, smelling of blossoms and sea, swirls down and tangles in the hem of his yukata, briefly slipping cool fingers along his shin as he steps down from the palanquin. The thought makes a chill go up his spine. He has just spent the longest twenty minutes of his life silently praying that Lady Agnes's hand didn't creep any further up his leg, while his intestines and other things shriveled up inside him and tried to die. But now that they are at the bay, that should mean something, right? The mysterious parade or festival or whatever has long since disappeared.

Actually, Zoro still hasn't decided if it just disappeared or they'd moved away from it—but right now it is all silent. The houses are dark, the road to the bay sweeps out behind him, dark and empty with barred windows. Why are they barred? What are they trying to keep out? Thieves? He is briefly concerned for Nami until he spots her closing the distance at a steady walk. She has taken off her high heels and is holding them with two fingers. She looks tired. Why are they still doing this? She can't want the money this badly. Nami sweeps her hair from her forehead with the back of her hand and notices him watching her.

"Don't worry about me, Lord Zoro," she calls, waving. "Just go back to your lady fair!"

"There is nothing fair about her!" Zoro snaps. Has Nami even _looked_ at her?

"Just get going!" Nami snaps back, throwing her shoes at him. Zoro clenches his teeth. He doesn't get it. It's only beri. They can't be that low and even if they are it isn't as if they haven't gone hungry before. A little hunger is good for you. It toughens you up, strengthens your will to survive.

Zoro folds his hands in his sleeves and turns back toward the palanquin. Lady Agnes has disappeared. He can only hope it's for good, but he's not particularly confident of his luck today. Well, in any case he's not about to go out of his way in looking for her. Passive defiance tastes a little sour in his mouth, but then he remembers the feel of her hard creeping fingers and folds his arms more tightly. This is…this is just insane. Why is he doing this?

"Hey, you!" one of the leather masked guards prods him in the shoulder. "Lady Agnes-sama is waiting for you at the landing."

Zoro looks at the bearer's big meaty finger still poking against his shoulder, then up at the bearer himself. The man meets his stare for only a second before pulling his hand away, sweat seeping out under his mask. Tch. The man looks as if he could have been a fighter once upon a time but now there is no spirit left in him. How pathetic.

"A…anyway, Lord Zoro-kun," the man says, rubbing the back of his head. "The landing is straight ahead." Lord Zoro-kun? His title is just getting weirder and weirder. Well, never mind. The landing is straight ahead, huh? That is a problem. All Zoro sees was the edge of the sea wall and the bay beyond. The road behind him is straight but despite what the rest of his crew seems to think, he isn't that stupid. The bearer obviously couldn't mean behind because he'd said ahead. Ah, but maybe the bearer means straight the way the _bearer _is facing which means…. Zoro turns. This way. He starts to walk.

"L…lord Zoro-kun, whe…where are you going?" the bearer cries. Eh? What the hell? Zoro turns just enough so he can look at the bearer over his shoulder.

"Where you told me to go. Straight ahead."

The bearer stares at him. Zoro stares at the bearer. A wind blows.

"Ah…that way," the bearer says, pointing toward the sea wall. What? How does that make any sense?

"Do you even know where you're going?" Zoro asks and more sweat runs down the man's head.

"I'm sure, Lord Zoro-kun."

Geeze, this place. With such idiots for bearers it's a wonder that they got where they were supposed to go. Then again, not one of his nakama can give good directions, either. Zoro scratches inside his ear as he paces to the sea wall and discovers it is actually a flight of stairs with short narrow steps leading to a brick landing below, where boats are tied up. They are small boats, but deep, Zoro notices as he makes his way down the stairs. The boats sort of remind him of the ones at Water Seven.

These boats are narrower, though, and flat and squared off at prow and stern as if designed for someone to stand on them. There are no sign of bulls either, instead, something resembling bikes are attached to either side with wooden paddle wheels instead of rubber. Huh. Looked like good exercise anyway. He wonders if they could attach one of those things to the side of the Merry— no…Thousand Sunny. Zoro pushes that thought away.

In any case, right now it looks like most of the boats are empty except for a particularly wide one in the middle. This boat is lit with glittering lanterns, and has a plush red seat in the middle, laced with pillows. What looks like a small feast is laid out on a low table, candles flickering on either side. The bright red bubble of Lady Agnes is standing just in front of it with some of her leather men. How weird. He wonders what—

And suddenly he gets it.

And stops. His limbs freeze like heavy rock.

They will be in the boat.

Out there in the bay.

Alone.

No. No way in hell can he do this. What was he even supposed to do out there with her? A thought occurs and already he can feel her warm fingers creeping over his leg. No. No way. Not for any damn thing. Then he remembers _Wado _and _Kitetsu _and poor rusted _Yubashiri, _hidden away, patiently waiting. How can he be worthy of them if he abandons them? But… How can he… How in the hell can he… Damn that wench. And damn that Usopp! He is going to tie the sniper's nose in a knot when he gets out of this. If he gets out of this.

"The lady eagerly awaits the beautiful, romantic boat ride under the full moon," says a very familiar voice nearby and Zoro's knuckles creak under the strain of his fists. "But the lord of marimo hesitates before his carriage." The click of a lighter. "I wonder why?"

Zoro glares at the cook who is sitting casually, leaning back against the steps, one long leg crossed over the other, his jacket open, cigarette smoking as he gazes out onto the bay, and looking entirely too damn at ease. Zoro is still deciding on ways to make Sanji infinitely uncomfortable when the love cooks shrugs and takes the cigarette out of his mouth, blowing a stream of smoke to the sky.

"But don't worry, Zoro. I don't actually expect you to be competent at this."

"Eh?" Zoro said, daring the damn cook to say that again. Zoro is generally not one for murderous rampages but he is definitely feeling one coming on. Sanji looks at him and smiles as if he's completely oblivious to the eye gleams of death Zoro is trying to beat him down with.

"Don't misunderstand, you're very talented when it comes to flinging those shitty metal bars around."

Shitty metal bars? Did Sanji seriously just call Zoro's swords shitty metal bars?

"But when it comes to the delicate art of romance," Sanji shrugs again and sits up. "You're like a hammer in the water." That's it. Zoro is going to— No. It's not enough just to beat the shit out of him anymore. Zoro is going to beat him at his own game. The point is not to get mad. Face opponents with a clear head or you end up doing stupid shit. Zoro straightens his back and folds his arms inside his sleeves.

"I can do it," Zoro says. "After all if _you_ can do it, it will be easy."

"Come again?" Sanji says darkly. Zoro turns his head to grin at him.

"All I gotta do is drop my dignity and act like an idiot, right, dart brow?"

Sanji gathers his legs underneath him and stands, loosening his tie before jamming his hands in his pocket. His head is down, eye gleaming, cigarette clamped between his teeth. Zoro's grin widens and he braces a foot against the step below him. A fight on the steps these narrow won't be easy, but all he really needs to do is block right now. He wants to see how the love cook dances.

And suddenly there is Nami, in the middle.

"You guys are worse than kids," she says.

"Oi, Nami," Zoro says, frowning. "You shouldn't get in a fight between men."

"Sanji-kun, get my boat ready," Nami says without even looking at him.

"Don't just ignore me!" Zoro snaps as Sanji cries:

"Right away!" and bounds off down the steps. Damnit. He glares at Nami and she turns back to look at him, seeming bored. It must be because it's dark or something but no one seems to realize when he's glaring, lately. Then a thought occurs to him.

"How did you find your way down here?" After all the bearers must have given her the same stupid directions.

Nami stares at him. Zoro stares at her. The wind blows. This is a damn windy island.

"I'm not getting any younger down here!" Lady Agnes bellows.

"Oh, sorry, sorry! We'll be there soon," Nami says, in her cheerful 'do anything for beri' voice, flapping her hand. "Lord Zoro is just nervous. He's never met anyone like you and is enthralled by your beauty."

"More like appalled," Zoro mutters then wheezes as Nami's sharp fist jams into his stomach. Damnit. Why the— The thought dies in his head as Nami straightens, a serious expression on her face.

"I know this situation is tough, but you have to try. This is important, Zoro." She clenches her hand into a fist. "We're all counting on you."

Right. Zoro nods. That's right. He starts down the steps again. They were all counting on him and— wait a minute— they were counting on him for stupid shit! Zoro clenches his hands into fists. That's the only reason he's down here at all! For wrenches and books and…meat and shit! He wants to rush right back up there and tell her no and keep going. But— damnit there's also Sanji to consider. Zoro had accepted the challenge after all. He can't back out now. That damn cook is working with Nami on this, wasn't he?

Well in either case, he'd accepted the challenge as a man and as a man he has to go through with it. Right. Zoro pushes himself forward, down the steps, trying to build up his confidence, which is difficult without the weight of swords and the weirdness of the straw sandals pressing against his feet instead of boots, not to mention the lack of any sort of opponent. How can he defeat an opponent he doesn't know?

"I'll be right behind you, Zoro!" Nami calls and Zoro is not sure if he should be comforted by this, but strangely is. Fine. He can do this. He reaches the landing. The leather mask guys have boarded the bikes and are waiting, and so is Lady Agnes, looking annoyed. He knows in the very least that is not the ideal romantic expression. But now what is he supposed to do?

She stares at him. He stares at her. A small crab crawls across the landing.

Beyond Lady Agnes, Zoro sees Sanji light a lantern on one of the smaller boats that looks to have regular paddles instead of the bikes. There is a small meal set there as well. Probably his own. Nami arrives at the landing and Sanji makes a sweeping bow, holding out a hand which she takes, and he helps her into the boat. Well, that's a start anyway. The rest he can figure out on his own. Right.

Zoro bows stiffly to Lady Agnes and offers her his hand, keeping his face straight as her small hard little hand and scritchy fingers lands in his. She is surprisingly graceful as he helps her into the boat and she is starting to smile.

"In you get, lover boy," she says, her hand snapping around his and _yanking._ Zoro yelps as he's pulled off balance. He stumbles into the ship, tripping over the seat and nearly face planting into the table as the boat rocks violently. Years of training keep him on his feet though, and he manages to sit without making an idiot of himself. Lady Agnes settles herself beside him, primping at her frizzy hair with small fingers and making it even frizzier. Zoro swallows. He hears Sanji coming up the landing behind him and turns just enough so he can watch him tie a rope from Nami's boat to Zoro's.

"Yosh," Sanji says with a grin that Zoro can't read but longs to cut off his face. "You're good to go."

"Right," says one of the leather masks and the boat trembles as they start pedaling, but maybe part of that trembling is coming from his own heart which seems determined to shatter his rib cage. Well. Okay. This is okay. They are in a boat together. Sure. He can handle this.

"Ahhh, what a beautiful night," Lady Agnes says, sitting back and resting a hand on his shoulder. Gooseflesh rises on his neck that he hopes she can't see. At least her other hand is still on her leg. And what the hell? Sanji's version of romance never really involves touching like this. Maybe Sanji's version of romance doesn't require touching either, which means that Zoro can win and not want to bathe for a week afterwards. So all he has to do is to try and act like Sanji, once they are sufficiently away from the landing so that Sanji won't be able to hear. The real question of the hour is, what would Sanji do?

Lady Agnes' fingers began to move in slow circles, drawing the yukata by inches off his shoulder. He can feel the cool air start to shiver across his chest. He swallows. He needs to think faster than this. What does Sanji do? Gives the women the choicest food, but Zoro can't cook that well and even if he could there is food here already prepared. Goes into love spins but Zoro is not about to try fall out of the boat, or worse, upset it, and have that damn cook laughing at him forever. And Zoro doesn't smoke so blowing heart shaped smoke rings is going to be fairly impossible, unless he can use the candles somehow, but he can't see any way of doing that short of setting things on fire. That doesn't seem romantic in the least. Lady Agnes starts spiderwalking her fingers up his shoulder and he grips the seat.

Okay, okay. Think damnit. _Think. _Well, Sanji also does the weird titles, too, like chwan and swan. However, Lady Agnes is not even close to a chwan and she looks less like a swan and more like a penguin that has swallowed Luffy doing a Gum Gum no Fuusen. But there is something else that he says. Zoro swallows. No. No fear. This is _easy_. He looks at her, hopefully romantically. She's not looking back at him, but then again neither do Nami or Robin half the time, so that should be okay.

"Mellorine," he says.

"We don't have any," says Lady Agnes and Zoro blinks. That wasn't how it was supposed to go. "Anyway, shut up. I don't like my men to talk."

Zoro looks away so he won't glare at her. Well, what the hell is he supposed to do? And how come that hadn't worked? Sanji was _always_ spouting that damn word. Is he supposed to sing it? He doesn't sing!

"Pour me some sake, lover boy," Lady Agnes. That he can do. Zoro feels relieved somewhat as he leans forward, his yukata shifting a little, and he can feel more cool air on his chest and a bit on his leg as well. He snatches the sake bottle and the dish and then leans back before too much is exposed. Heat floods his face. What the hell is he even thinking? He's a man! What does he care how freaking exposed he is? He pours the sake into the dish and has the dish halfway to his mouth before he remembers he's supposed to give it to her. He does and she guzzles it, tilting her head back, then holds the dish out for more, which Zoro refills. He shifts to put the bottle back and the yukata falls open even more. A chill goes through him as her gaze slides to his leg and stays there.

Zoro sits back. No more moving. He is a tree. He is a statue. He is a damned mountain. He barely even breathes. For a while there is nothing but the sounds of splashing water and Lady Agnes slurping and he's able to relax a little. Her hand is on his shoulder still but he can almost forget it's there. As long as he can keep pouring her sake it will be alright. In fact, it's almost like a meditation. Yes, that's it. With the stars and the wind and the lamplight, the hush of the water and the faint sound of footsteps on brick.

"Look, there he is. I see him! I see him!" says a faint voice from the direction of the landing that sounds remarkably like Chopper's. Zoro narrows his eyes. It had better not be Chopper's if any of his damned nakama knew what was good for them.

"Oiii! Zoroo!" Luffy's voice rolls across the water like canon fire. Of course that one never knows what's good for anyone. Damnit. Is he some sort of traveling show? Let's watch Zoro humiliate himself?

"Shut up!" says Usopp. "He's on a date, stupid! You can't do that!"

"Oh," Luffy says. Then cannons again: "Sorrry!"

What he will do, Zoro decides, is leave Sanji alive long enough so he can cook them up, once Zoro chops them into pieces too small to be recognized. Then he'll serve that soup with a generous helping of chef crammed in a bottle to any passing shark who wants it.

"It sure is noisy in the bay tonight," Lady Agnes says, lowering the dish and wiping the back of her hand across her mouth. Zoro can't agree more. If any of them so much _mention _this later on, if they so much look at him funny…

"Well never mind," Lady Agnes says, running a hand along his leg and making him jump. He will give anything to make her stop doing that. But it wasn't a touch. No…no it was just a wound. Right. A battle wound. This is a fight, he has to remember that. A challenge.

"Feed me," she says, and Zoro stares at her. Feed her? Is she out of her freaking mind? I refuse, he wants to say. Can't you feed yourself? He wants to say. But that is what Sanji is expecting and Zoro is stronger than that. He will feed her. With chopsticks. There is a pair, right? His heart nearly stops as he doesn't find them immediately, but resumes when he does. All it takes is concentration. Concentration and skill, and he has plenty of both. He prepares himself then sweeps the chopsticks off the table and suddenly realizes that he doesn't know what she wants to eat. Perhaps she'll tell him if he's wrong. Zoro reaches for a piece of shrimp tempura. All he has to do is grab it…

"Aww, why can't I pedal?" Luffy says, voice closer now.

"You're too reckless," Usopp says. "You'll do something stupid and fall in and then I'll have to jump in and fight man eating sharks to save you."

Zoro narrows his eyes. Just grab it…there…and slowly bring it up…

"I can hold him on," Robin says, sounding amused.

"Okay! Chopper, give me your spot!"

"Ah! No way!"

"Come onnn. Don't be so stingy!"

"Yaaah! Don't pull me!"

Zoro twitches, grits his teeth, raises the chopsticks to Lady Agnes' opening mouth, lips like some great ugly piranha….

"St…stop it, you guys! You're rocking the boat too much!" Usopp cries.

"Oi, Mugiwara," Franky says. "Don't you think we should wait to switch 'til we're on dry land?"

"But then we'll lose sight of our prey," Robin says. What the hell did she mean by prey? Zoro wasn't anyone's prey. No. He is getting distracted. They don't matter. The tempura is almost there. As long as he can just focus it will be alright. He will prove to that noodle neck that he can do this.

"Oh, I know, Chopper!" Luffy says. "If you go small I can pedal and you can ride on my shoulders."

"Oh… okay!"

Zoro almost has it…. The tempura is so close…

"Hey. Hey! Watch out!" Franky says. There is a splash. The tempura breaks in half, one half falling into Lady Agnes mouth the other bouncing off her lower lip and nestling in her… between her… in her shirt. Zoro stares at it, eye twitching. _Shit._

"Ah, hey we lost Usopp," says Luffy.

"Don't say that so casually!" Usopp yells. Robin laughs.

"You're not very good at this, are you?" Lady Agnes says. Zoro grits his teeth. He is going to— They are going to— Die. That's it. Just die. There is a second of silence. Just one second on which to contemplate the horrors of that other half of tempura, which Lady Agnes is only now starting to realize is not where it should be.

"I wonder what Zoro is staring at," Luffy says. There is a small snap as the chopsticks break.

"Will you guys just shut up!" Nami snaps.

"What a noisy woman," Lady Agnes mutters. "I'm going to untie her." Zoro twitches to stop her as she reaches back, but then stops himself. Maybe it's for the best. After all, the others are close by and Sanji is probably lurking somewhere really annoying, so she will be fine. With any luck she'll be able to drift close enough to the others' boat and beat the shit out of them. Nami shrieks out a protest but they are soon far enough that it doesn't matter. Zoro sighs. Now he can relax.

A small hard leathery hand closes over his bare knee where the yukata has shifted completely off that side. Zoro sits bolt upright. Oh wait. No he can't. Maybe he can knock off one of the leather masks, break off a bike, paddle like all hell to the Thousand Sunny and…and what, steal his own swords? Damnit, what kind of swordsman did that! He'd never be able to face anyone!

"Much, much better," Lady Agnes says with a sigh, removing her hand from Zoro's knee. Zoro can still feel it there, though, the lingering warmth. The night can only last so long. This date can only last so long. He has the will. He has the determination. It's like standing under a waterfall or walking through a desert or swimming in winter island waters and he's done all that. Actually, compared to that, this is nothing but a walk across the deck, right? Right.

"Hungry, lover boy?" Lady Agnes says, holding up something to Zoro's mouth. Zoro jerks back a bit and looks at the thing. Half a tempura. Oh _shit_ that half of tempura. Zoro leans his head back, keeping his lips clamped tight. No way in hell is he going to let that thing go anywhere near his mouth. Then he has an idea. Slowly he reaches up and with two fingers gently pushes her wrist away.

"I'm allergic," he says, once he is sure she's not going to pop that in his mouth the second he opens it. The thought makes his stomach turn.

"Pity," she says and tosses it into the bay. Zoro winces inwardly and hopes Sanji didn't see that. Then he chAgnes his mind. No. He hopes Sanji _did_ see. That rotten, curly-eyebrowed, noodle-armed bastard is the whole reason he's in this mess. Him and that evil wench of a navigator. He does not feel bad at all. That is, until Lady Agnes picks up the rest of the tempura and eats about three before she dumps the rest in the bay, as well as half a bowl of fried rice.

"You shouldn't just waste food like that," he says, finally, as she looks like she's about to dump a plate of mushrooms overboard as well. What is it with this woman? She gives him a long look and Zoro is faintly aware that it's supposed to be frightening. He stares back at her. If she is going to try and intimidate him over calling her out on something stupid, she isn't worth trying to romance.

"My apologies," she says, scraping the rest of the plate off into her mouth and tossing the plate off into the ocean. Well, that wasn't bad. Her own damn plates. And at least if she is busy eating all of it she will keep her damn hands off him. Zoro leans back, resting his ankle on his knee and draping his arms over the back of the seat. They are pretty far out into the bay and are starting to turn around. Lady Agnes lets out a short choking sound and Zoro looks over sees her head is back, mouth open, bubble coming out of her nose. She is asleep. The leather masks stop pedaling and one turns to look back.

"She really is asleep!" he says.

"Yeah," Zoro says. It really does sound like she is dying.

"Woohoo! Let's go for a swim!" says another leather mask.

"Wait, what?" Zoro says, sitting up. "H…hold on!"

But they are off into the water before he finishes, paddling out a short distance and laughing as they splash one another. Geeze, what is with them? They are like a bunch of kids. Oh well. Whatever. At least he has a moment to breathe now. Zoro sits back again and sees the curve of the island, a hill going down into the water, and beyond that a ship built in the same style as the paddle boats but without the bicycle part. Its deck is roughly the same size as the Merry's was, but it is quite a big longer. _Transport ship_? Zoro wonders. Kind of weird how it isn't in the bay. There is something approaching it, a sort of long paddle boat that seems to be full of people, but he can't make out anything much from this distance, only that it doesn't sit right with him.

He hears the shuffing of another paddle boat coming closer and looks over his shoulder to see Nami sitting in a one-bicycle paddler that is, of course, being powered by curly brow himself, the smoke trailing from his cigarette making him look like a scrawnier, blonder version of the Puffing Tom.

"I managed to convince those idiots to go back to shore," Nami says as soon as they are within comfortable speaking distance. She pauses and then says in a low voice: "That woman is kind of horrible, isn't she?"

"She's a nightmare," Zoro says, half expecting Sanji to yell at him for it. The cook says nothing, just leans his elbows on the handlebars of the bicycle and gazes out into the bay.

"Looks like something is going on out there," Sanji says, nodding toward the ship.

"Yeah." What, though, he isn't sure and it's probably none of their business. Yet he has the faint feeling it might become their business. He folds his arms behind his head. At least if that happens, he'll get his swords back.

"Anyway, don't eat too much," Sanji says, straightening. "Not that I guess you will. That stuff looks like shit."

"I'll eat anything but tempura," Zoro says, watching the ship again. He might not even eat tempura ever again. The thought sends a shudder through him.

"Got it," Sanji says. The weird paddle boat has disappeared around the side of the ship and there is nothing more to see. Zoro closes his eyes. No reason why he can't get a nap, too, while he still can. There is quiet for a moment, except for the distant splashing of the leather masks and the snoring of the piranha woman and the gentle slapping of waves against wooden hulls that tell him Sanji and Nami haven't moved.

"Ne… Zoro…" Nami says. Zoro opens one eye to look at her. Her head is down and she is holding her glasses in her lap. Then she looks up at him, biting the inside of her lip. "About all of this…"

"Why do you really want that beri?"

Nami stares at him a moment, then pulls her legs up to her chest, smiling a little, but it's not exactly happy.

"I thought… well… you know everything seems like it's changed so fast, you know with…" she waves her hand. The stuff at Water Seven, she means, Enies' Lobby, Usopp, Robin, Merry… "I mean I didn't really think about it until we were out here again but… I just thought it would be nice to have new stuff for our new lives." She puffs a sigh. "And then that idiot blew most of our money on that damn party."

But it had been a fun as hell party. And a party they had needed after all that. Zoro closes his eye. Well, there is that, then. He doesn't need anything new, really, other than a new sword of course, but that won't happen with a hundred thousand beri split among eight.

"I can't promise you we'll win anything." Because, really, he has no idea what the hell he is doing.

"We'll win," Sanji says and there is the click of a lighter. "One way or another."

Zoro can't tell if that's meant to be insulting or not and lets it go. He's still going to kick Sanji's ass when this is all over, not to mention shave the hairs off Usopp's nose, but when all is said and done there was nothing he wouldn't do for his nakama.

* * *

><p>If I owned, would I be writing fanfic? ...well, probably.<p>

Thanks to Liashi, FNA Sora, the Great Effie and reviewers like you! =D Thank you!


	4. The Resolve

**The Resolve**

Zoro slips his arm out of his sleeve and lets it rest against his yukata, idly tapping a rhythm he heard once with his fingers against the obi belt. Even though he's become resigned to this situation, the decision hasn't been any easier. Still, if decisions were easy they would be boring, and anyway he doesn't mind this so much anymore. After Lady Agnes had snapped awake, she had pulled an octopus watch from the depth of her…shirt… cursed and sent them back to shore with a focused look on her face—this was of course after she'd beaten her leather masks nearly senseless for goofing off. When they'd gotten back to shore she'd announced the second portion of the date would begin. He'd wanted to ask just how many damn portions there were, but had soon realized it didn't matter. However many, Zoro will go through all of them.

This part isn't so bad, though. She'd ordered him to help carry the palanquin, probably because she'd concussed one of her own leather masks so badly. He is a little shorter than the other leather masks, but as long as he holds the thing as high as his ear, he is able to keep it balanced. The burnished wooden handle is a little awkward to hold on to, meant for sitting on shoulders, he supposes, but nothing he can't handle.

He has discovered that palanquin holding is not just a simple matter of lifting it. In order for the thing to be carried straight, and the passenger kept from being jostled, every step the bearers took mattered. They have to work exactly in time, keeping the same tension on the palanquin, even choosing the right patch of ground. Even a slight bump or hole could throw the entire rhythm off. He can feel the steps of the other bearers through the movement of the palanquin and tell their strength from the weight distribution. They are a stronger than average bunch, with average being a normal man, and the one in the back left and just across from him have the potential to be almost remarkable. Yet they have so little spirit.

This is strange to him. He wouldn't call any of them naturally gifted in strength, so they must have built themselves up. But why did they resign themselves to this? Is it really their life's ambition? He has seen some pretty strange ambitions to be sure, but all of them? The more he thinks about it the less he likes it but there is nothing he can do about it now. The palanquin shifts slightly, steps falter.

"Oi, back left," Zoro says. "Pick up your pace." Because even if he is resigned to this there is no need to be lazy.

"Yes, Lord Zoro-san!" the man says. Lord Zoro-san. Geeze. Its as if the only reason they respect him is because he's physically stronger than they are. They haven't seen anything he can do. It would be almost insulting if they were worth getting insulted over. Well— it doesn't matter.

They are beginning to leave the town. This is a richer section here, with large walls and houses behind him. Yet the walls are rough looking, and he can still feel people are watching. Waiting. Even though this is the main street they were on before, there is no sign of the parade they had seen, except bits of confetti which have been trampled into the dirt. Up ahead in a pale stream of moonlight, he can just see Nami walking with Sanji. The cook's dark jacket is around her shoulders even though it's only gotten a little colder up here. The damn fool had nearly mellorined himself into a wall the moment she'd put it on, too. Zoro sighs. He just doesn't get it. Maybe he never will.

After a moment Zoro hears the faint 'puru'ing of a Denden Mushi from behind the thick velvet curtains of the palanquin. He can also hear Lady Agnes talking in it, but barely. She's not speaking above a whisper. Zoro cocks his head back a little and tries to catch her words when an entirely different voice sounds distantly behind him.

"Man, those meshi are really hard to find. I wanted to make a wish." At the sound of Luffy's voice, every muscle in Zoro's body tenses. It's faint and distant, still. But not faint and distant for long if he knows his captain.

"It's _mushi_ not meshi," Usopp says with a touch of impatience.

"I still think Navigator-sis was pulling your leg," says Franky, and now he can hear their footsteps.

"You think so?" Robin says.

"You _don't_ think so?" Franky says. Zoro grits his teeth. Damnit all. He has to get out of here. Not that Zoro cares that they will see him holding the palanquin, but they will cause chaos and make this date thing go to hell. The more they screw it up, the more work Zoro will have to do to fix it. But where can he go?

"It's true," Usopp says. "Syrup used to be full of mushi."

"Wow, really?" says Chopper.

"Hey, how come I never saw them!" Luffy says. Usopp laughs.

"Well, you have to be a good hunter and be able to see the eye of a pigeon at sixty paces."

Shit shit shit. They are getting closer. Where to to go. There. Right ahead just past Nami and Sanji, an alley that looks wide enough for a damn elephant. Zoro grips the pole tighter.

"Come on!" he says, and starts to run. The men yelp from behind him and almost immediately he's holding up the entire front end which is starting to list to the side. Damnit. Fortunately, Other Side catches up at speed of terrified Usopp and prevents a disaster.

"L…Lord Zoro-san!" Behind Right squeaks. "Where are we going?"

"Just shut up and run!"

"That sounds like Zoro," Chopper says. Shiiit! Zoro picks up the pace. They are almost there.

"Zoro! What exactly _are you doing?" _Nami shrieks as they blast past her. What the hell does it look like? Can't she hear them? Anyway, there's no time to explain and they are going to fast to make the turn. They need to slow down!

"Hard right!" he shouts.

"Right!" they echo as one and Zoro breaks in time with the others, feeling hot dust and the faint smell of burning sandals. They make it down the alley in one piece and break into a run again. The palanquin is getting jouncy as all hell and he can tell as Lady Agnes says.

"Wh..a..ats go..goi..ng o…o…on?"

"Pirates, Lady-sama!" says Other Side at the same time Back Left says:

"Marines!"

"W…w…ell str…a..aigh…ten u…up, y…you mo…rons!"

Right. Find the other's pace. Get the other's movement. One two. One two. One two. Damnit, why the hell does the street just drop off here? No, it's just really sharp steps going down. Shit. Going down. Weight shifting. Going to die. Going to die. Safe. And now, just to shake the damn captain's tail, turn right again.

"I'm telling you, mushi are everywhere!" Usopp says and Zoro sees them over his shoulder on a street above. How the hell did they get up there?

"I want to find one," Luffy says. "I won't give up until I do."

"Well it's a nice night for a walk, anyway," Franky says. Zoro puts his head forward and gives it everything he's got. He's not going to spend the rest of the night trying to bat off this piranha woman's creepy fingers. A crossroads. The left alley looks like the one they have just gone down so right again. Then up some steps which are somehow worse than going down but they haven't been up so this is a good way to go and then right again because everyone would expect him to go left and _how the hell did they get in front of him? _

Zoro digs his heels in so he won't crash into them and the other bearers do too, a moment too late. The palanquin swings wide but thankfully no one falls out of it. His nakama turn and blink at him, as if surprised to see him there. Zoro tries to catch his breath, starting to rethink the whole letting them off without killing thing.

"Hi, Zoro," Luffy says, lifting a hand. "Don't worry. We're not going to bug you." He grins wide. "We're looking for meshi."

"Mushi!" Usopp says. "You can't eat them."

"You looked like you were running pretty hard there," Franky says, pushing up his sunglasses. "It was really impressive."

"I agree," Robin says, her hand near her mouth. They stare at him. Zoro stares at them. A wind blows.

All of them. Dead. So very dead. Starting with the damn rubber head.

"L…Lord Zoro-san?" says Back Left.

"Shut up," Zoro says, to the bearers, to his damn nakama who are acting so quiet and well behaved he wants to punch them into a wall. All that damn effort for nothing. Ugh. He starts forward, feeling sweat dripping off his forehead and the road through his sandals.

"Well of course Zoro is pretty fast," Usopp says. "But I—"

Zoro _glares _at him, letting him know under no uncertain terms that Zoro has not forgotten the theft of his swords and Usopp had damn well better not either. Usopp goes still like a tiny mouse that pretends if he doesn't move he can't be seen. Oh, Zoro can see him, but he doesn't have time for him just yet. Zoro fixes his gaze straight ahead, feeling all of them watching him and especially Luffy. The damn captain better not say anything stupid or Zoro was going to—

"That doesn't look like much fun," Luffy says as Zoro passes him. No. It isn't. It's a gigantic pain in the ass. But… He keeps on walking. No need to respond really. Just get this thing over with. The road slopes up here, with light bamboo forest on either side. He can't see any sign of Nami and Sanji which, whether good or bad, he can't decide yet.

The road continues up the hill, white against the darkness of the grass before it is lost in trees, but the bearers turn off onto a side road. There is a mansion here, rising above tall walls, large bay windows shining in moonlight. It is in great shape, too, unlike the rest of the houses back in the town. It seems the Lady Agnes has soaked up all the luck of the place. Whether it was on purpose or by chance, Zoro can't be sure but he's never been able to trust people who keep that kind of luck all for themselves.

As the walk along the great stone wall, he sees a smaller door, almost hidden in the shadows which opens as they pass and a girl peeks out. She looks to be not much older than Chimney but her features are hard to guess in the uncertain darkness. He can feel her stare on him and returns it. She jumps a little as if afraid, then lowers her eyes and disappears back through the door. Huh. Is she Lady Agnes' daughter? She looks nothing at all like her and doesn't really act like the daughter of a rich woman, either. Well he'll either find out about it or he won't. The path leads them around the wall to where a large wooden gate is, lanterns blazing with light.

He stops with the bearers and waits for the gate to be open but instead the weight of the palanquin begins to shift as if they are going to set it down. He copies their movements, keeping the palanquin balanced as they set it on the ground. As Zoro straightens he has the sudden sinking realization that now he will have to interact with this fish woman again. At any moment he expects the damn cook's voice to come floating out of the darkness or Nami to show up looking haggard and ready to bitch at him but there is no sound but the crickets in the grass. Tch. They better not have abandoned him out here. Not that he particularly wants an audience but he doesn't know what the hell he is doing. A man admits when he is over his head and Zoro is in up to his neck already.

No use worrying. Zoro lets out a breath. They would show up when he really needed them and in the meantime he would just have to do what he can. He stares up at the gate, and then beyond it to the mansion. A curtain flicks aside and in the light of the window he sees the backlit form of a woman. She is waiting. Watching. Why? Who is she? His attention is pulled away by noises from the palanquin and he sees Lady Agnes hands creep through the curtain and pull it back. Zoro steels himself, feeling a cold quiver in his gut, and pushes himself past it— holds out a hand to help her out.

"Well well, whose the polite one? I almost rethought taking you on," she says and her small leathery hand is in his. This isn't like before, he tells himself. This isn't like before because now he needs to try to win. There has to be something he can say. Some sort of compliment. What would Sanji compliment? Her looks? Her cute way of getting mad? Well she isn't exactly cute… Zoro tries to think back of Sanji's reaction to Kokoro-san and can only remember the cook slumping on the ground and whining something about the unfairness of it all. That damn idiot. How the hell is Zoro supposed to work with that?

"You have a nice stance," he says as she steps from the palanquin and braces both feet against the ground. It's true. She's a round woman but a solid one and seems to know how to plant herself just where she wants to. She stares at him. He stares at her. A wind blows. He is getting really damn tired of that wind. Then she leans in, still holding his hand and it is all he can do not to lean back. For his nakama, he tells himself. And they had better enjoy it.

"I didn't think you were the kind of man who appreciated that sort of thing, Lord Zoro." She snatches at the front of his yukata and jerks him down with her surprising strength until they are almost nose to nose. He swallows, suddenly glad his nakama are not here right now. Anything that happens beyond this point no one needs to know. Her piranha lips go flat and she stares up at him. He has the feeling she's hesitating but can't decide why especially since he's distracted by the want to slip out of his yukata and tear his way back to the ship. There is a creaking sound as the gate opens and Zoro looks beyond her fizzy red nimbus of hair to see the weasel adviser from earlier.

"Lady Agnes-sama, you're late," he says. She grips Zoro's yukata tighter and then lets him go. Zoro straightens, trying to suck in a fresh sweet breath of freedom without that seeming like it's what he's doing.

"There was some trouble along the way," Lady Agnes says, patting at her hair.

"Pirates!" says Back Left.

"Marines!" says Other Side. Hadn't they said just the opposite earlier?

"Ask Lord Zoro-aniki," says Back Right. Who the hell said anything about aniki? The weasel adviser looks at him expectantly and Zoro considers not saying anything at all but doesn't want the bearers to take the full brunt of him being an idiot.

"Whatever, whatever," Lady Agnes says, waving her hand. Then that same hand sweeps down the length of Zoro's exposed chest sending waves of shivers right up to the top of his head. He doesn't think he's ever stood straighter in his life.

"As for you, meet me in the garden, right around the corner there. I'm going to slip into something a little more…" her piranha lips tilt upward and she rolls one shoulder. "Comfortable," she says and bats her eyes. Maybe she has some sort of unknown devil fruit power. Something like freeze freeze because he can't seem to move any part of his body. Even his heart seems still. He watches her walk past the gate which slams shut.

Does he want to do this? Does he really want to do this? Isn't there another way to come up with the beri? Maybe he can turn himself in for the reward money. Right. Turn himself in and get himself back out. Shouldn't be hard. Great training. Of course considering how high his bounty had gotten the marines were going to put him under some heavy guard and the last thing they need right now is another incident like Enies Lobby. Not that he would ever really considering giving himself over that easily.

"Wow," says Other Side. "You're amazing, Zoro-aniki!" It's just Zoro-aniki now? What the hell?

"Yeah," says Back Right. "I've only seen a few people get to the second date before."

"Damn, how many dates of these are there?" Zoro asks, sinking into a crouch and rubbing the back of his head. How can he do this. How can anyone do this? How can Sanji stand to do this day after day? It has to be because he avoids the touching thing. Zoro can't think of any other reason.

"We don't know," says Back Left. "We're never around for the second one."

There can't be many more than this, right? They left at eight so it has to be somewhere around nine or ten o'clock. How long do dates usually go? He has no idea.

"A…anyway, Zoro-aniki, you better get going," says Other Side. Right. He had come this far and he can't give up now. Zoro takes a moment to breathe and then stands, heading for the garden. Why did so few people get to the second date? Maybe they couldn't lift the palanquin. He brushes aside a tree branch. Or maybe they'd just had the common sense to get away. What is that, a patch of thorns? In which case they were likely dead by now. Common sense won't get you anywhere on the Grand Line. Is that a rock slide? Was this the garden? Not really well organized if it was. He hears footsteps coming up behind him and turns to see Other Side jogging toward him.

"Wait, wait, Zoro-aniki," says Other Side. "Where are you going? The garden is up the road not off of it." The man had to be kidding him.

"That's ridiculous. How can you go up a road that's perfectly level? Or do you mean the mountain road we were on?" he points. The man stares at him. Zoro stares at the man. No wind blows, possibly just to annoy him, but an owl hoots somewhere.

"That's…the bay is in that…" Other Side shakes his head. "Never mind. I'll show you. I need to go in that direction anyway."

Unless by up the road they meant he had to climb on top of the wall, Zoro muses as he follows Other Side. That would make sense. Maybe they didn't have a door to the outside. But in that case why didn't they just tell him to scale the wall or just let him in the main gate? Well maybe there was another wall that cut off the area of the main gate and the garden. But then why would you have a walled garden without a door? Especially if you invited people from the outside in? It was all really confusing. All the more so when they get back onto the road and Other Side gives no indication of beginning to climb the wall at all. It's probably just another case of bad directions. It's not as if Zoro can blame him. Even Nami gives horrible directions and then gets pissed at him when he follows them.

"So, Zoro-aniki, you're pretty strong," Other Side says as they turn a corner. The man grins at him, or seems to, it's hard to tell with the mask. "You took a lot of the weight. I've never held the palanquin that lightly before."

"Is the pay pretty good for that sort of thing?"Zoro asks. Good pay would account for lack of spirit about the matter. Also, if it was true, maybe he could earn at least some beri that way instead of this ridiculous date thing. They don't need a hundred thousand for everyone to be happy, right?

"Ah, well, no we're not paid as such." The man pulls at his hooded mask as if he wants to take it off but drops his hand. "It's… well we do what we can for our Lady-sama. Since she…if we don't she… Ah nevermind." He shakes his head. "Anyway the garden is there," he points. "Right there, by your earring side. You can see the door. There are two trees on either side. Toward the moon."

"I get it, I get it," Zoro says, having spotted the door as soon as Other Side had said it was toward his earring side. There were good directions and overdirections. He can feel Other Side watching him as he goes toward the door. Still watching him as he puts his hand on the door.

"Now you push open and go through following your nose," Other Side says.

"I said I get it!" Zoro snaps at him. Does he really look that stupid?

"Uh, okay! Have a good night! Good luck!" Other Side says, giving him a wave before jogging down the road. Zoro puffs out a breath. Geeze. He pushes open the door and steps through. The full moon is straight ahead, casting a dark shadow from the far wall where a cluster of trees are. There is a bench that sits right in the moonlight, though and little winding paths bordered by flowers as well as scattered trees. He can see another door on the house side wall and a little table sits beside it, though nothing is on it yet. The sound of falling water trickles in the distance. All in all it looks like a nice place to be alone. Zoro closes the door behind him.

"The lord of marimo enters the romantic moonlit garden, for a night of champagne, dancing, and wooing his lady fair."

Zoro stops, narrows his eyes…

"But where is she? Perhaps she's just bored with the sour taste of seaweed."

"Are you going to do this every time?" he snaps at Sanji who is leaning on the wall just behind him, arms folded.

"I might," Sanji says, grinning and pulling a cigarette from his pocket. "It's pretty fun. And I hate to say it but you're absolute shit at this." He lights the cigarette, the click of the lighter sounding overly loud. "You have a good stance? Is that really the best you can do?"

Fun… It's about as fun as…as…something incredibly uncomfortable and irritating but that he can't just solve by cutting it apart. Something like seeing that sword woman's face. At least she he could run away from.

"Shut up, dart brow," Zoro says, folding his arms inside his sleeves and leaning against the door. "What would you have said?"

"Not my date, Marimo."

Zoro snorts. "You don't know either, do you?"

"Well anyway, you're here so there must have been something about what you said," Sanji says, obviously avoiding the question. And maybe he is right about that. She'd certainly given him an odd look. And then pulled him and…and almost… he shudders again.

"Maybe she just thinks you're funny," Sanji says. They don't need a cook do they? Usopp can cook, so can Zoro if he has to. No one would miss a loud mouthed love cook except maybe Nami who would have to get her own damn drinks. Nevermind. There isn't time for fighting now. He has to figure things out before Lady Agnes comes to the garden. But before that…

"Where did Nami go?"

"She went to follow some servant girl who wanted to give her something. She'll be back."

And with more than the servant wanted to give her, probably. Couldn't she just take the beri that way? But then again they didn't know these people and hadn't Other Side said they did what they could for Lady Agnes? He hadn't seemed really afraid of her… more intimidated than anything. So what does that mean? Maybe she does something for them in return? If so, whatever it is can't be legal if they are afraid of the marines, too.

Damn, it's too much to figure out. Zoro drops his head and closes his eyes. Whatever the situation, it's still not any of his business, yet. What is his business is that any moment that lady is going to come into the garden and…and want to…want to do weird things. Learning how to avoid that while still winning was his first priority. Maybe there was a kind of dating technique. Like, the art of touching without touching. If anyone knew about that kind of thing…

Zoro opened one eye and looked at Sanji who was watching the house side door like an eager puppy. Why did Sanji have to be the only one here to ask? The cook would never let him live it down. Maybe if Zoro won Nami would be so happy Sanji would make a concession and not say anything— but the thought of having to bribe the damn cook was just like barbs under his skin. Unfortunately, the alternative was Lady Agnes clawing at him for…for who knew how long. On the other hand it couldn't be much different than asking another fighter to explain his technique, right?

"How do you do the no touching thing?" Zoro asks, trying to sound as bored with it all as possible. Sanji glances at him.

"The no touching thing?"

"You know, the technique where you…flirt and the women completely ignore you," Zoro raises his head. "You do it all the time."

Sanji _stares _at him. Zoro has never been so stared at so hard in his life. A wind whips through the tops of the trees. Then Sanji bows his head and pulls out another cigarette to light even though there is one still smoking in his fingers. What the hell is that idiot cook doing now?

"A gentleman," Sanji says presently after sucking down at least a third of the cigarette. "Never expects a lady to touch him, even if he gives his heart."

Zoro stares at him, willing Sanji's words to make some sort of sense. Sanji seems to not to want to look at him at all. What the hell is going— Oooh. Zoro grins. Could it be the love cook was just as bad at this as he was? Maybe even worse since he never seemed to have the effect he wanted?

"Anyway, whether they be distant or near, they are goddesses," Sanji says, looking away. "And a lowly man cannot expect a goddess will deign to even pay attention to him. But when they do it is a gift from heaven." And in that, Sanji wins. It's a blindingly stupid philosophy but it is a heartfelt one and only a complete bastard would mock something like that. In either case it's not entirely useful. It seems that he'll just have to put up with Lady Agnes for as long as he could. Zoro sighs and accidentally disperses a little smoke heart that is floating past his nose. Eh?

"But of course when the goddess does notice her humble, faithful servant," Sanji is saying, wiggling his hips and almost teary eyed as he gazes up at the sky. "Then he takes her by her hand and leads her into a whirlwind of romance and then he brings that hand up to his lips and…"

Geeze how far is he going to go?

"Presses a soft kiss to her…"

Too damn far.

"Okay okay, I get it!"Zoro snaps. "I don't need to listen to your perverted fantasies!"

"You're the only pervert, you shitty swordsman," Sanji says in an utterly calm voice which is totally belied by the lethal kick Zoro just blocks from connecting with his chin. He's not going to fight back, though. Really he should have known better to bring it up. Sanji's obsession with women was like Luffy's obsession with food. The one thing they would go utterly stupid around. Well Luffy's list was a lot longer than that sometimes, but the point still stood.

"Are you guys fighting again?"Nami says and Zoro sees her coming from the house side door. Immediately the pressure of Sanji's leg is gone.

"Of course not, Nami-swan! Never, after you told us not to! I've been so good!"

Zoro watches carefully as Sanji wiggles toward her, looking for some hidden trick or move, just in case, but Nami just moves around him as if she doesn't even notice he's there. No. Not going to work. He has the feeling that if he tried wiggling toward Lady Agnes she would wiggle back. The thought makes him cringe.

"And you, Zoro," she says, jabbing a folded fan at him. "What the heck was that all about, running with the palanquin? Things are bad enough without you doing something so stupid." She still has Sanji's jacket hanging off her shoulders and looks almost intimidating. Zoro folds his arms. It had been a pretty stupid thing to do but… Zoro looks away.

"I was trying to get away from Luffy and the others…" he mutters. Nami sighs, tapping the fan to her forehead.

"Only you could try to run away from someone and end up behind them," she says. Just what does she mean by that? It wasn't his fault. He just hasn't had much practice in running away from people.

"Listen, don't worry about Luffy and the others," Nami says, folding her arms. "I told them to leave you alone because you wanted to focus on your date."

"So why did you tell him about the mochi?"

"Mushi, and I told him to give him something to do. They're only a local legend here, but knowing Luffy he'll manage to find one," Nami says with a faint smile. Zoro wouldn't be surprised. At one time he might have but after this long he knows Luffy can find, and do, anything he sets his mind to. She sighs again, looking completely depressed for a moment.

"He'll find one and get us into more trouble than we want, I bet, with the wish he makes."

"Might be fun," Zoro says, imagining Luffy wishing them to an island with all sorts of interesting monsters and people to fight. He goes to rest his arm on his swords which aren't there and gets down hearted himself as his arm just falls through air. Well knowing Luffy, too, it might just be a big snack.

"Oh, by the way, here," Nami says, pointing the fan at him. "Sundae gave this to me and told me you should use it."

"Sundae?" Zoro asks, taking the fan and wondering what the hell he is going to be able to use it for. It's too light to be any sort of weapon.

"Mm, the little servant girl who works here."

Little servant girl? Was that the same one who had watched him at the door? He opened the fan experimentally but saw no kind of hidden message or map or anything. It is just a red fan with a picture of brown pigs getting exceedingly drunk on sake. Wouldn't be bad to join them.

"What do I use this for?" he asks, carefully folding the fan again. It feels light enough to break easily. Nami shrugs.

"She didn't say. Maybe Lady Agnes likes it. Also." She reaches into Sanji's coat pocket and takes out a baby Den Den Mushi. "I found this in the house."

"You mean you stole it," Zoro says, flatly.

"Details," Nami says, waving her hand. "The point is, you take one and hide it somewhere and then Sanji-kun can use the other one and give you tips. You know, what to say and things like that."

Zoro stares at the baby Den Den. The last thing he wants is Sanji whispering in his ear on top of everything, but he does need all the help he can get. Although…

"Where am I supposed to hide it?"

A moment of silence as Nami stares at the creature in her hand. The water burbles. A frog croaks. Eventually she closes her fingers around the Den Den Mushi.

"I nearly got caught swiping it, too. Ugh, what a terrible night."

"It's alright, Nami-san," Sanji says. He is back near the wall looking completely composed again, though the top few buttons of his shirt are open as if he is trying to show off something that Nami is completely ignoring. Sanji puts his free hand in his pocket and rests one foot back against the wall.

"Your intentions were good," he says. "But nothing I can tell Zoro will help him. In the game of love a man must make his own decisions."

Maybe he was right. After all, when he'd complimented her stance, Lady Agnes had at least stopped for a moment. Zoro wasn't sure what that meant yet but it could very well be a good thing.

"That being said…" Sanji takes a moment to take a pull from his cigarette before pushing away from the wall and coming over to them. "I do have an idea about the fan." He points at it with the cigarette. "Open it up, Zoro."

Zoro does, wondering what the hell this is going to be about. Sanji's calm suggests that he really knows what he's doing this time. Was this some sort of hidden technique?

"Now," Sanji says. "Lift it toward your face. Higher. A little to the left. Perfect."

Perfect? Zoro can barely see over the damn thing. He sees enough to not like the smile that crosses Sanji's face as he bows his head.

"Remember, a lady must always be demure."

Sanji just barely blocks getting the fan upside the head but Zoro keeps trying to beat him senseless anyway. It's bad enough without that kind of comment! Damn bastard love cook! Zoro should have known better than to let his guard down!

"I'm going to kill both of you!" Nami snaps. Zoro ignores her, managing for once to catch Sanji's leg as it slams down toward his shoulder.

"Ahem!" says another voice and Zoro looks over his shoulder to see Lady Agnes standing at the house door entrance, dressed in a cloak studded with peacock feathers. The cloak covers her body completely but looks entirely too flowy and nothing in particular looks to be holding it closed. Zoro swallows. He is suddenly remembering certain images of Kokoro-san he would rather forget forever. There has to be more underneath that. There has to be. If he has any shred of luck left at all… She stares at him, glances to Sanji then back to him and raises her eyebrows.

"Is there something you should be telling me, lover boy?" she says. Eh? Zoro blinks and looks at Sanji…then realizes he's still holding the cook's leg and shoves him away, backing up himself. Sanji stumbles but recovers gracefully and seems to fixed on staring at Lady Agnes with rising horror in his visible eye to even smoke properly.

"Aha haa… sorry about that," Nami says. "We were just leaving. Come on, Sanji-kun!" she fairly sings. Sanji doesn't move. Zoro is faintly astonished.

"Sanji-kun!" Nami snaps. Sanji remains still like…well like the Usopp mouse from earlier. After a moment a faint wind blows. Then Zoro hears thumping footsteps behind him and sees Nami stalk into his field of vision, grab Sanji by the shirt and pull him out. Zoro hears them leave. Hears the click of the door closing. Him and Lady Agnes are alone.

"Follows you everywhere, does she?" Lady Agnes asks. Zoro nods blankly, feeling his gut knot in several places. He has the presence of mind to hear the faint creaking sound of the fan and tucks it into his obi belt so it won't snap too…which is all well and good because in the next moment Lady Agnes smiles, pulls a hidden string and the peacock cloak flutters to the ground.

* * *

><p>Thanks to the great and awesome Effie, and Liashi FNA Sora<p>

Not to mention all my reviewers. I'm glad you guys like this so much. It's kinda freaking surprising.


	5. The Conflict

**The Conflict**

This is getting bad. Zoro tries not to sigh as he pulls another strawberry from the bowl that is sitting on the low table, twists off the green top and drops the rest of the fruit into the Lady Agnes' waiting mouth, pulling his fingers away just before her lips can brush them. He is getting used to this. Not even the slight crawl of her breath against his hand bothers him anymore. He's even used to her head resting on his leg. It weighs no more than Luffy's does.

Getting used to it is not a problem, as such. It is a relief to have perfected the technique of feeding him without her…moist…lips trailing over his fingertips. He swallows and tries not to think about that. The biggest problem is that it is getting boring. So boring that he almost wishes that her dress was a little less…covering so that at least he had something to be horrified about. Not too much less, the red glittery dress is plenty tight enough but she's starting to seem less horrifying and more like a particularly lumpy apple from Long Ring Island.

He also doesn't get, he thinks as he pulls out another strawberry. Is how this is in any way entertaining. He knows it must be because people do it all the time. There have been strolling couples in every town looking completely wrapped up in another. He can't even attribute it to the fact that he's a fighter because, different as they are, Sanji is also a fighter and he can't imagine the cook having any fun at all just dropping food into someone's mouth. Maybe there is something he just isn't getting. Tch. This is such a pain the ass. He can do this in his sleep. He probably could even take a nap and she wouldn't even notice so long as he kept dropping the damn strawberries in her mouth. He yawns, tears coming into his eyes, and drops in another.

The worst part is his nakama aren't even around. He expected Nami to stay at least and maybe she's out of sight behind the wall but he can't hear her. It's a little lonely like this. No nakama. No swords resting against the stone bench or pressing against his side. There aren't even any fights to anticipate.

Things are definitely a little weird, though. He keeps seeing curtains opening in the house, and even when they're not he can feel people watching them. Sometimes weasel adviser will be standing in the shadow of the house side wall, and sometimes the little girl will peek in. It's like they're all waiting for something.

The second weird thing, Zoro thinks, counting off on imaginary fingers, is the garden wall. He's been staring at it long enough to see light slashes in the stone here and there, like the scratch of a blade. They are not deep enough to be intentional, more like an after effect of practice. From what he can tell the swordsman who made them has some level of skill. But those marks were obviously done before the garden was made, because trees are in the way now and there is no lingering feel of that kind of energy in the air. Everything here feels pressed down somehow.

Finally, there is Lady Agnes herself. She's eating the strawberries but otherwise looks like she would rather be anywhere else. Her eyes are fixed steadily upward, her mouth moves slowly and cow like as she chews. The moon is overhead now and shining on her face and makes her look sort of like a dead fish. Though Zoro is not in the habit of stalking people on dates, he is pretty sure this is not how one is supposed to go. But what the hell else is he supposed to do? Zoro's fingers brush against cool porcelain and he looks into the bowl and realizes with a cold sort quivering in his gut that he's already fed her all the strawberries without realizing it. Okay, this had to stop. There was getting used to things and then there was getting way too damn used to things. He expects Lady Agnes to say something when no more fruit is forthcoming but she just blinks at the sky as if she doesn't notice. As if she doesn't care. Zoro better not have been feeding her the damn things for no reason.

"What do you really want to do?" he says, because he is getting really tired of this. Then remembers that he's supposed to be somewhat polite and adds. "Lady-san." Lady Agnes smirks and shifts her head a little further. S…Shit. Zoro grips the stone bench with the hand she, hopefully, can't see.

"A spark of spunk at last. I thought I was going to die of boredom."

"You were bored, too?" he snaps at her. "You could have said something before!" What the hell was with this woman? Geeze, all that time wasted.

"I'm the one here to be seduced," she says with a shrug. Se…seduced? Zoro tries not to force the mental images that come from that word out of his head. It's really difficult when her fingers trace along the edge of his yukata and make his guts want to crawl out through his back. Okay. That's it. That's enough. He's not going to—

"For a hundred thousand beri you should figure out what I want."

She sits up before terror can completely consume him over the meaning of _that_ message and then stands, pacing to the middle of the garden. Zoro leans over and wait until his heart decides to start beating again. There has got to be another way to get that. There has simply… What exactly does Nami expect him to do here? Because there is no way he is going to do anything like…like _that._ Shit. Zoro rubs the back of his head. Should he just give up? He is sure that Nami will understand— Well he might as well be prepared for her yelling at him and hitting him with that incredible strength she has when pissed. But eventually she'll get over it, right? But that would mean backing out, giving up. He won't fail. He won't give anyone that kind of satisfaction.

It's all in how he approaches it, right? He doesn't know much about dating or women for that matter but— this is less of a date and more of a challenge. Lady Agnes is testing him for something. They all must be; which is why they are watching. It's not a game, it's like a fight and a fight is something he can do. But first he must know his opponent. Zoro looks at her, standing planted, her feet wide, hands on her hips, looking out over the garden. Even from all that she's said so far he really doesn't know much about her personality, not that it matters. Her leather masks, or at least Other Side, are dedicated to her but the weasel adviser doesn't seem to care much for her one way or the other. So who is she? What does she want?

Zoro stands, resting an arm against the inside of his yukata. If he is going to do this he is going to do it standing up where he can think. Where he can feel like he's doing something.

"What is all this about?" he says. "Whether I win or lose I'm not staying so you'll just end up where you started. What is it you really want?" Because once he finds out that— Everything will fit into place. A moment of silence. The water falls. Lady Agnes' shoulders tense but she doesn't turn around. Finally she chuckles in a rough voice.

"Impudent kid. My intentions for afterward aren't any of your business. And even if I told you what they were, someone like you could never understand."

Someone like him? What does she mean? What does she think he is? There is a flicker of movement out of the corner of his eye as the house side door opens. Probably the damn adviser again. Zoro refuses to be distracted. There is something here if he can just piece it out.

"Anyway, I'm getting bored." She waves him away. "You seem ready to give up, so just go ahead and do it gracefully." She is walking toward the house side door. Zoro glares after her. No way in hell is he going to give up now. He's never backed down from anything and he's never accepted a defeat from anyone— This lady is no exception. He sees the little girl in the door's shadow, watching, and remembers. The fan. His secret weapon. Zoro grins. He can win this yet.

"Oi, I didn't say I was done," Zoro says. "Maybe you should take another look at what I can do." He points the fan at her with his free hand. Lady Agnes turns and looks at the fan, then up at him, raising her eyebrows. Zoro looks at her, Lady Agnes looks at him. Zoro waits. Nothing happens. Shit. Maybe he has to open it first. Can he do it one handed? He tries but fails completely. No. He's already in too cool a pose to ruin it. Maybe… He tries tugging the fan open with his teeth and hears the wood creak. Shit, is it the wrong way or something? A wind blows.

"What the hell is up with you?" Zoro snaps at the wind and then feels utterly ridiculous. How has he come down this low? How has his luck gotten so damn bad? There is a weird sound like a rusty grater and he realizes with a start it's coming from Lady Agnes. Damnit. Was she laughing at him? But no, wait, wasn't that a good thing? She _is_ coming back…

"You are completely hopless," she says, coming up to him and holding out her hand. "Give me," she says. He does and she snaps it open in one sharp flick of the wrist which is really pretty impressive. On the fan the pigs continue their drunken party. Lady Agnes stares at the fan for a moment and for just a moment and a weird slow smile crawls across her face.

"Why do you fight so hard for this, Zoro-kun?" She waves the fan at him and he starts a little as he sees some writing on the back but she snaps the fan shut again before he can read it and taps him on the shoulder with it. "It's obvious you have a hard time with a woman's touch."

Just your touch, he wants to say.

"Just your touch," he says. She smacks him in the head with the fan.

"Just answer the question!" she snaps.

"Because my nakama want it." And they had better damn well enjoy it. They would, though, he knew. Once this was over there would be a big party—which better have plenty of rum and everyone would celebrate like total idiots until they were all too full and lazy to get up the next day and Nami would have to kick everyone awake.

"Is that so?" she says, tracing the fan along the line of his jaw. Zoro tries not to twitch as gooseflesh scatter along his neck once more. It's just the fan, he reminds himself. Though the really weird look that sprung to her eyes just then doesn't exactly help matters.

"Actually, I've been wondering about that." She taps the fan against her own cheek, looking at him slowly up and down. He can almost feel her gaze and only pride as a man keeps him from pulling the top of his yukata closed.

"You're certainly muscular enough but you don't seem entirely, oh, I don't know, useful."

"Oi!" Why that— He clenches his hands into fists. She smirks at him and he suddenly realizes she's _trying _to bait him. He won't fall for it. He's been called worse before. He forces himself to relax. If he loses his cool, she wins.

"But you are brave, I'll give you that. Especially considering how otherwise weak you are."

Just weak? How pitiful. He doesn't even have to react to that. The fact that his teeth are clenching are only because he's trying not to laugh at how pitiful it is.

"Still, since you are so determined, it will hurt my pride as a woman not to make you go through it," Lady Agnes slips the fan back into his obi belt and her smirk grows wider. "Let's dance, cabin boy."

"Cabin boy?"

"Chakra Dance: Three Minute Special!" Her fingers move so fast he can barely see them, but he feels them push against his neck, chest and stomach, then she sweeps her hand down in what is obviously a finishing move. Nothing seems to have happened. Zoro stares at her. She doesn't stare back but a wind blows anyway. Suddenly he is falling backwards, all the strength swept from his body. Shit! What the hell?

He manages to slide a leg back to brace himself but she catches him before he can hit the ground, one arm around his waist, which is short but surprisingly strong. Then with her other hand she grabs his and yanks him upright and they are suddenly very close. Very very close. She's short enough so only her forehead his level with his face, thankfully, but the rest of her is way too close for comfort. He can't seem to move away from her at all.

"What the hell did you do to me?" he asks as she starts forward, making him stumble back. He can move his arms, and hands to grip at her shoulders as she spins him around and nearly throws him off balance again. He can also move the lower part of his legs but everything else feels numb. Damnit, he shouldn't have let his guard down!

"I've simply numbed parts of your body," she smiles and starts turning them in circles that he actually has to concentrate to keep up with. "It's a technique passed down through the women of my family for generations. Shocking, isn't it?"

Not really. If all the women of this family were like Lady Agnes they probably needed it. Zoro can feel it now. Whatever she did. A sort of pinching of the nerves, a tightening of something. He can fight it off if he can concentrate.

"Damn you, Lady, if you think you can bring me down that easily-" he can feel the tightening slipping a little and tries to pull away from her but it's not enough and she yanks him back.

"Ho ho ho, got a mouth on you," she says with a piranha grin. "Don't worry. In three minutes you'll be back to your normal self. But in the meantime this is dancing and in dancing the lead must be trusted implicitly," Her hand starts sliding dangerously low on his waist. "And since you don't trust me I thought I would just use a little shortcut, cabin boy."

"That's the stupidest shortcut I've ever heard. And I'm not a cabin boy!" he snaps, able to wrench her hand back up so his heart will stop clattering against his ribs. Lady Ange's mouth curls wider.

"No? But you dance so pretty." And she twirls them around again. As the garden spins around him he sees a flash of the little girl by the house side door with a woman he hasn't seen before standing next to her. Lady Agnes' entire posture seems to shift and for a moment her mouth goes into a flat line. Does it have anything to do with—

Suddenly he is being dipped toward the ground and she is staring at him with an odd expression and all thoughts of anything go out of his head. Her breath smells like strawberries. Oh shit. He focuses all his will on breaking the damn hold she's got over him and he can feel it breaking but not fast enough.

"It's been fun," she says looking at him from underneath her eyelashes. "But it seems it's time for a little moonlight kiss kiss." She leans in—

And suddenly a hand is planted in her face. Zoro breathes out for the first time since this whole damn date started. It's not his hand and he can see where it's sprouting from his collarbone. Lady Agnes rears back eyes wide and Robin's hand switches a finger at her back and forth. Lady Agnes shrieks and lets go and Zoro falls hard on the ground. He can see Robin sitting on top of the wall, smiling down at him. Luffy is standing next to her, braced wide on the stone wall, arms folded as he stares down at them.

"Hey, Fish head lady," Luffy says. "What kind of weird things are you doing to Zoro?"

"Impudent, kid," Lady Agnes says, stepping back with one foot. "How dare you call it a weird thing! It's a technique. Anyway it will wear off in two minutes."

No… It will wear off now. Zoro pushes himself to his feet, feeling his body resisting and forcing his way past it. He is _not_ just some cabin boy and there is no way in hell he's going to lie down on the grass just waiting— Especially not since Luffy's here. He leans against the wall and folds his arms. He's still feeling a little numb but as long as he's standing like this it won't seem he is. Lady Agnes stares at him and he smirks. Like he's going to let a stupid little technique like that keep him down.

"Are you alright?" Robin says. "I hope I didn't ruin your fun." Her voice is light. She's teasing him but he's too grateful to mind.

"Robin, you're crazy," Luffy says, swatting the air. "That didn't look fun at all. Zoro was flopping around like a wet fish."

"Shut up!" Zoro snaps. Stupid captain. Even if it is true there's no reason to say it!

"Yes, shut up," says Lady Agnes and Zoro glares at her. She has no right to say that to him. Lady Agnes doesn't seem to notice his glare and instead puts her hands on her hips and gives her own glare to Luffy.

"Who the hell do you think you are coming and interrupting my date?"

"Me?" Luffy points to himself. "I'm Monkey D. Luffy."

"That doesn't answer anything!" Lady Agnes snaps.

"Well that's what you asked."

"Well you can just go back where you came from, monkey kid," Lady Agnes. Zoro snorts. Like it's really going to be that easy to get Luffy to go anywhere. In the distance he can hear footsteps that sound like the rest of his nakama approaching and then knows it's them as Chopper says:

"Oh no! So that's where he went!"

"You're really damn persistent, Mugiwara," Franky says. "Remind me not to go on any dates with you around."

"You get dates?" asks Usopp.

"Oi, what's with that surprised tone, long nose?"

"What are all you idiots doing here?" Nami shouts. "I told you to stay away!" She appears above the wall, resting one arm on it and waving her free hand back and forth. "Ahaa sorry about these morons, Lady Agnes-san."

"Yeah, but Nami, fish head lady was doing some weird things," Luffy says, crouching down and looking at the navigator. Nami blinks at him.

"Weird things?"

Zoro closes his eyes and hopes he has just enough luck so that Luffy doesn't go into detail. No one else needs to know about this. He wants to forget it as soon as possible which is a chance that's going to be slim to none as long as Luffy is around.

"What?" Chopper says from behind the wall. "Weird things? I wonder what that means…"

"Hmmm, well you see when two people like each other very much—" Usopp starts.

"Oi! Don't even start saying strange things!" Zoro snaps, smacking his fist into the wall. Who the hell knows what that idiot sniper will come up with and these idiots will believe.

"I'll tell you later," Usopp says in a low voice as if Zoro can't hear. But he can hear. And he's very tempted to go over the wall— and— Usopp better be damn happy there is a wall.

"You do and you'll regret it," Zoro says instead.

"I feel like I've walked into a comedy routine," Lady Agnes mutters.

"Sorry, sorry," Nami says in her pleasant anything-for-beri voice. "He was hit on the head a lot as a child." She smacks Luffy in the leg with the back of her hand. "Zoro is a big boy, he can take care of himself. Now come on, let's go."

"No," Luffy says and Zoro glances at him to find his captain watching him.

"Luffy…" Nami says. Then she smacks his leg again. "Stop being so stubborn!"

"How annoying. You're such a noisy bunch," Lady Agnes said, scratching in her ear. She seems to look briefly at the house side door and Zoro notices with a pinching feeling in his gut that the woman and child are gone. Lady Agnes waves her hand.

"Anyway, it doesn't matter. Your cabin boy doesn't have much spine but I'm impressed."

Not much— Why that— Zoro closes his eyes and contents himself with grinding his teeth. No, he won't fall for the bait. If she's saying something like that it must mean he has won or at least is close and he's not going to screw himself over now.

"So Lord Zoro, you win," Lady Agnes says and Zoro is surprised into looking up at her. There is something closed about her face, though, even as she smiles.

"Really?" Nami says breathlessly.

"We really won?" Chopper says from behind the wall. We? Who was this we?

"Of course," says Usopp. "Not that I had any doubts."

Zoro is starting to have doubts, especially with the way the woman is watching him. She shifts her stance but never completely gets out of a defensive mode. Maybe it's because Luffy is still watching her. Seeing her through his own Luffy vision. Zoro wonders what his captain is seeing that he isn't.

"However if you want to test your luck there _is _a bonus round," Lady Agnes says.

"Zoro," Nami starts. "You don't have to—"

"With an additional prize of fifty-thousand beri."

"—give up now, keep on going!" Nami says without even changing her tone. She slaps her hand flat on the wall. "We believe in you."

"It's up to you, cabin boy," Lady Agnes says. There is something in her expression. It's almost a challenge but there's something else, too. Something he can't put his finger on. "I will go and prepare. You have five minutes to make up your mind." She spreads her fingers as if to indicate the time and then goes back to the house side door. There are no lights on in any of the upper windows now.

"Wow, I'm really surprised that you made it this far!" says Nami as the door closes behind Lady Agnes. "Now just a little more and—"

"Hey," Luffy says. "Everyone go away."

"What?" Nami says. "Luffy…"

But Luffy just looks at her. There is a small wind and Zoro is glad that, for a change, it has nothing to do with him. Eventually, more or less quietly, everyone does leave. Nami slips away last after giving Luffy one last baffled look. Zoro is sure they are not going to go far but he doubts any of them will try and listen in. There is quiet. A kind of quiet he hasn't had all night. It's been one damn fight or another and not any of the kind he is used to. Luffy crouches on the wall, resting his arms on his legs.

"She's a weird lady, Zoro."

Weirder than usual. But Zoro knows Luffy means more than just strange. There is something about her. Something worth watching out for. She doesn't really feel like a threat because her spirit is muffled too, even though her stance is strong.

"I don't like it," Luffy says. Neither does he. Zoro looks toward the house side door, wondering where the girl went. She had given him the fan…that had writing on it, hadn't it? Zoro pulls the fan from his obi and slowly opens it. There are words on the back that are really damn hard to read. It looks like one of Luffy's scrawls. But he can make out a little… _Please, don't give up. Help _something something something else. Damnit. There _is _something else going on. Zoro considers letting Luffy see it but then, it seems Luffy has already drawn his own conclusions. Whatever those are.

"We can't be reckless," Zoro says, closing the fan. "Not until we know what's going on." They might harm more people than they end up helping that way. This night has become even more of a pain. Even if there is fighting in the end he doesn't think that this island can produce anyone that will be any kind of challenge.

"That sucks," Luffy says, blowing his hair out of his eyes. "Sneaking around is so boring." A pause and then Luffy is looking at him. "Are you done?"

Zoro nods. He's gotten the hundred thousand which is all he's promised to do anyway. All the rest would probably just be Nami money and there is no chance he's going to put himself through this just for her to have beri to play around with. As for helping the little girl, and who knows else needs saving in this crumbling town… It's not up to Zoro to make that decision. His fate lies in Luffy's hands. More and more, it seems, as time goes on. Go or stay, fight to the death or spend another half hour with that…that…fish head lady… After a moment, Luffy stands, pushing his hat onto his head. Yeah, that was the way he had thought it was going to go.

"There's a weird ship just beyond the bay," Zoro says. "Opposite your scar side if you're facing where the moon was." He doesn't know if that has anything to do with it or not but might as well check it out.

"Right," Luffy says. A pause, then: "When I catch a meshi, I'll give you my wish." Zoro smirks. Not if. _When_.

"Don't worry about it," Zoro says. It's more than just a wish, it's a present, an apology, and he's refuses to accept an apology from following his captain anywhere. Zoro looks up at Luffy. "Try not to do anything too stupid."

Luffy just grins at him and gives him a thumbs up before hopping down from the wall. Zoro can hear the tapping of his straw sandals against the road. Luffy will do something stupid, Zoro knows. Telling Luffy not to be thoughtless is a little like telling the water not to be wet. It may try as hard as it can but in the end it is what it is. It doesn't matter. Zoro pushes the thought from his mind. What will happen will happen.

The house side door opens and closes and there is Lady Agnes who has changed clothes yet again into something long and blue and flowy, stitched with seashells and making her look even more like a fish than she had been before.

"Are you ready, cabin boy?" she asks, cocking her hip to one side. A shiver crawls down his backbone. There is no way he can ever be ready for this. But then it doesn't matter. Who can ever be really ready for what Luffy throws them into? That's the fun of it. That's the challenge of it. Zoro starts across the garden toward Lady Agnes, feeling as if he has his swords back, as if everything has suddenly fallen in place.

No matter what happens, he knows, they will win in the end. They always have and they always will.

* * *

><p>With thanks to the Great and Powerful Effie, Liashi_FNASora and you, dear readers.<p>

Also, to clarify, this isn't a shipping fic. Feel free to draw your own conclusions, of course, but there's not going to be any Zoro/Nami as such. They're just the two main characters in this story.


	6. The Journey

**The Journey**

They are walking through the house, Lady Agnes stalking ahead, her shoes ringing against the bare wood floor and echoing against the walls and the high rafters. They pass another room, door opened just enough so that Zoro can look inside. There is a bed with dusty looking blankets and an ornate window but not much else. The entire place is bare, with only a few pieces of old looking furniture and a tarnished mirror they had passed. It is as if Lady Agnes spent so much money on the outside of the place that she couldn't afford to make the inside match up. But that doesn't sit right with Zoro— and it's more than that. There are no pictures on the walls. No people except them. He hadn't seen the little servant girl or the woman, nor had he felt anyone watching. It was like the empty shell of some glossy beetle.

"Not much for decorating," he says, wondering how she'll react. Lady Agnes snorts but says nothing. She tenses, though, he can see it in her shoulders, hear it in her walk. She wants to get something over with. But what? And how does it involve him and that little girl…? The questions keep piling up and Zoro can't help but get a little irritated by it all. They are generally not the kind of people that quietly go about solving mysteries. Well—perhaps Robin is, but this isn't her kind of mystery anyway.

The only thing here to read is Lady Agne's body language and signs of…what's that? Zoro slows down as he sees a scratch on the wall, cutting deep at first and then stopping abruptly. It is similar to the cracks in the stone wall outside but there is nothing about that mark that talks of practice. Still— it's strange. It's as if there was fighting and the blade got lodged in the wall— but whoever had been wielding it had just decided to let go. Again, though, just like the marks in the garden wall, it looks old. What the hell had happened on this island?

Lady Agnes' footsteps are fading and he looks up just in time to see her duck into a room. He picks up his stride to catch up and nearly passes the room before he sees her inside it. She's braced on hand on a table, a fingers breadth from where a DenDen Mushi sits patiently, mouth curled in a piranha smile. Her back is to him but he can see over her shoulder well enough to notice that she's pulled out her octopus watch. He can hear it ticking softly. Counting down the minutes until— whatever it is she's planning.

Zoro takes the time to look around. This room has more signs of habitation. There is worn furniture and even a picture frame, draped with a sheet. Above the fireplace is a pair of crossed swords. They are cutlass types, the grips worn from use, the hilts have modified shell guards to better protect the wielder's hands.

The wielder obviously used the weapons more for defense, then, since they are not weapons that are hungry for blood. They are well used but tired, sleeping, pushed down from the atmosphere of the place.

"Come back, cabin boy," Lady Agnes says. Zoro looks down at her to see she is facing him, smirking, her hand on the receiver of the DenDen Mushi, fingers tapping lightly against it as if she is thinking. Who can she call in the middle of the night?

"Are you lost in your thoughts?" she continues. "I didn't think they ran that deep." Pointless baiting. A straightforward attack that's barely worth the effort to dodge, let alone strike back.

"If you're not going to use the swords, you should let someone else have them," Zoro says, guessing they are hers. "They are still willing to fight."

Lady Agne's smirk slips away and her fingers tighten on the mouth piece but she doesn't shift her stance. He can see her wielding the swords, but not where, not how…not yet anyway.

"Don't talk to me like that, impudent brat. This isn't the sea. This is— this is an island and on this island Hansel and Gretel will never fight for blood."

"Then they'll never fight for anything," Zoro says, but they would serve her well. Lady Agnes stares at him, her eyes narrow. He can feel the hints of her spirit filling the room. Zoro meets her stare. She is not outright threatening, but her anger is building, like a small storm. He can almost see it frizzing on the edges of her hair. He smirks inwardly, not wanting to discount her anger. Now, if they had skipped all the paddleboating and started at _this_, the damn date might have been interesting.

There is the tapping of feet in the hall and Lady Agnes straightens, her anger snapping back around her like an armored bug curling up. Zoro shifts to look over his shoulder. It doesn't sound like the footsteps of a little girl. The woman maybe? But it is the weasel faced adviser that peers around the door.

"We await, Lady Agnes-sama," he says with a bow but Zoro sees the narrowing of his eyes and is really tempted to break the rule he just set down with Luffy and accidentally punch him in the face. This guy is grease on water. The stuff even the sharks won't eat.

"Offer a lady your arm, Zoro-kun," Lady Agnes says, her bearing stiff as a metal pole and because Zoro doesn't see anything wrong with it, he does, holding his arm straight out to her, though he's not entirely sure what she wants it for. She stares at him. He stares at her. Is that a wind blowing outside or is he just imagining the damn thing now?

"Never mind, never mind," Lady Agnes says, brushing past him. "I don't know what your secretary is holding you over the water with, but it must be pretty damn big."

Too big. Zoro rests his hand against the inside of his yukata and follows her out of the room. But it wouldn't happen again. It better not happen again. He would tell her and hopefully she would agree because he was going to be really damn pissed if he had to keep waking up from a nap to chase off Usopp.

The night has gotten cooler but pleasantly so and the moon is high overhead, a cold white fist. There is another palanquin on the road, sort of. This one lacks the covers and curtains and things and is just a chair supported by long wooden poles. He's not sure if the bearers are the same, except for Other Side who glances at him once and then freezes and stares straight ahead. Something is definitely up. Across the narrow road he spots Nami and Sanji. The cook is leaning against the bark of a tree and almost hidden by the shadows. He is smoking, of course. Zoro expects some kind of weird ass comment about lords and ladies or whatever, but Sanji just watches him and looks away and says:

"Good luck." As if he's not even sure how to handle the situation. He's not even pretending he does in his usual jackass, but effective, way of name calling and picking a fight. Zoro would have preferred the fight. Things are shifting in a weird way and he doesn't like it, doesn't know what to make of it. He's tempted to pick a fight himself. This isn't the time for it, but, what the hell.

"Keep your sympathy to yourself," Zoro says and waves at Sanji over his shoulder. "And try not to get your ass kicked on the road." A pause, deadly pause, he can almost imagine the cook's expression.

"Care to repeat that?"

Zoro turns just enough so he can smirk at him and opens his mouth, ready to repeat it and more when Nami steps in the way.

"Don't— Even. Things have gotten weird enough." She pauses, staring at him just long enough to make him uncomfortable. She wants something, he knows that much. Or is conflicted about something. Either way it is sort of off putting to have the navigator staring at him with such a weird expression.

"What?" he says, just to make her looking at him like that.

"You—you don't really have to do this," she says quickly, as if she's afraid she'll take back her own words. She's tense. Worried. About him? Why? Maybe she knows about the trouble, but whatever it is it can't be that much trouble and nothing that Zoro can't get out of without his swords. Then again, she and Usopp tend to flip their shit even over minor things.

"I'll be fine," says Zoro, turning away, only feel a sharp pain in his skull as she raps him on the head.

"I'm giving you a chance to get out of it, stupid!"

"It's not about that anymore, you damn devil woman!" he snaps, whirling on her. He can feel the lump on his head throbbing. How the hell can she be so strong? He can vaguely hear Sanji bitching about what he said, but Zoro ignores him, focusing on Nami. For a moment her eyes snap fire and she looks like she's going to give him another lump. Then her eyes soften and somehow he likes that expression even less, especially when she points to him.

"You…you can't mean… you and her… That you're…"

"No," he says, to whatever it is she's thinking. He doesn't know. He doesn't even want to think about it. There isn't time for this. "Just forget it," he says, turning away.

"Sometimes you just can't predict love, Nami-san," Sanji says. Zoro stops. Almost turns around but there's not time for this and Lady Agnes has turned around and is glaring at him, tapping irritated fingers on the back of the seat. So he would kill Sanji later. Maybe tie his scrawny frame around the anchor and let him soak for a while. That sounded good.

"We'll be right behind you, Zo…Lord Zoro!" Nami calls. Lady Agnes shifts her glare to Nami.

"You'd better not be, Miss Secretary. I don't want to see hide nor hair of you or your scrawny manservant." She sounds angry rather than just annoyed. Is it a warning? A threat? It sounds like a little bit of both. He glances at Lady Agnes as he settles in beside her but she doesn't return the look.

"Let's conclude our night of adventure, shall we?" she says, squeezing his leg, but there's no heart in it so Zoro isn't worried.

"Mm," Zoro says, staring at the winding mountain road ahead. Nowhere to go but up. For a moment, Lady Agnes seems as if she wants to say something but doesn't and then the bearers lift them and they start up the winding hill road. Again no sign of the woman or the little girl and the house windows are all dark. The adviser is still there though, drifting beside the palanquin on Lady Agne's side like a small black cloud. Weasel face looks on edge, too, but more waiting, watching.

Zoro closes his eyes as if he doesn't care. He listens to the sound of footsteps against the road. The adviser, the bearers. It feels weird somehow to be carried around like this now that he knows Other Side. After a while he notices Back Left and Back Right are there, too. Except now, Back Left is front right and Back Right is back left and it's completely screwing with Zoro's sense of direction. He opens his eyes again, annoyed.

They go higher and higher up into the hill with Lady Agnes silent, only patting his leg or arm every now and then. One of the bearers trembles. The new one. Zoro can feel the small shudder through the seat. If there is an attack they will be the most vulnerable, Zoro realizes. But the air isn't right for an attack, at least not the kind he's used to. There is some forest here, dense on either side, perfect for anyone trying to hide but the underbrush would make it difficult to charge. It would be a great place for a pistol maybe but he's not entirely sure.

Lady Agnes starts to pet at his shoulder but she's not even looking at him, as if this is a game she's no longer interested in playing. It's just annoying now. There were too many games here. Too many hidden things. But it won't be long now. Zoro can feel something closing in. A gap in the trees draws his attention and he sees the downward sweep of the hill and road below. He can distantly see Nami and Sanji down there but they've stopped for some reason. Had that curly eyebrowed idiot gotten them lost?

Zoro hears the adviser shuffling away with a sudden burst of speed and movement in the trees. He starts to turn when Lady Agnes mutters:

"Chakra Dance: Full Hour Special." And there are three sharp jabs in the back of his neck. And his body drops away. He can't feel anything. He can barely keep his eyes open. Shit! He can't even move. The tightness is stronger this time, wrapping around his chest and arms and legs, filling his lungs. Lady Agnes is leaning closer, her scratchy hand on his chest. Zoro can't even clench his teeth. He can fight it! He's beaten it before! But the invisible tension shifts only a little.

"The ship sails in a little over an hour," Lady Agnes murmurs in his ear. "Once it hits the rip tide it will be gone faster than your nakama can follow and without an eternal pose they won't be able to. Remember that…"

A laugh blossoms in the air somewhere close by and Lady Agnes slips away. Zoro tries to move after her. Tries to move at all but only slumps down in the seat like a damn rag doll. He had been too careless. Damnit, if only he could move! He feels the palanquin shift and then there is the woman from before sitting beside him, he can see as she puts her long fingers on either side of his face and pushes his head up. She is smirking at him with narrowed eyes.

"Did the ugly lady overwhelm you, pretty boy? Shall I give you a kiss kiss?" she leans closer and he wants to jerk back, to glare at her. Can only blink a little. No time to panic, just has to work at it a little more. Focus his full concentration on breaking free. It's really damn hard with her face so close.

"I've already administered the kiss kiss, Lady Labal," Lady Agnes says. Labal pulls away.

"Oh, pooh," she pulls away and Zoro can breathe again but still— not— move. How could he have let his guard down so easily? Even after he'd known-! _Shit! _

"Well it doesn't matter," Labal says, patting his hair. "It's not like you can be my little cabin boy anyway with that kind of bounty on your head." She smiles at him. "But I don't care how high your bounty is. No one can defeat the Lovely Lady Pirates." She pulls a bottle of something from her…out of her… shirt. Don't women have any pockets to keep things? He strains. He can move his shoulders now. Just a little more and…

"Dream sweet, my lovely little pirate," she says and presses down the top of the bottle. Stinging liquid squirts straight into his eyes before he can close them. For just a second he can't see anything and then his eyes grow heavy. Shit.

"Don't worry, your friends will be joining you soon…"

He hears. Or thinks he hears. It's too dark now to hear anything.

* * *

><p>Everyone pretty much belongs to Oda.<p>

Special thanks to the great Effie and Liash_fnaSora :D


	7. The Other Girl

**The…Other Girl**

* * *

><p>Note: I've changed "Kiss Kiss" to "Lovely Kiss" because that just sounds better<p>

* * *

><p>That idiot. They're all a bunch of idiots. Every single one of them. Nami clutches Sanji's jacket closer and watches as the chair is carried up the hill. What is he still doing with that lady? She just can't figure it out. The one thing she does know is that suddenly there is trouble. Trouble enough to make Luffy act really strange and quiet… Well strange and quiet until they got far enough away from Lady Agnes' house and dragging Franky, Chopper and Usopp with him on the quest for some weird ship in the bay. Trouble enough to make Robin go back to the Thousand Sunny to stand guard, and probably to keep away from the lunatics for a while. What kind of trouble it is, though, she has no idea and no one else seems to know either but then they never <em>do <em>know how much trouble they're in until they're in it.

As for Zoro…she just can't figure it out. She _knew_ Zoro couldn't be after the extra beri. Neither is she, really, not exactly, kind of sort of, it had just slipped out. But it's not about that anyway. If it was, he wouldn't have said it wasn't. It is probably some scheme he and Luffy cooked up together. Something weird and moronic that could have been solved if someone sensible had been around to knock their heads together. Not that it would have mattered with them. They would have just done whatever they wanted anyway. It's just the fact that he has to spend _more _time with that woman. And if their positions had been reversed… if it had been her having to…let herself… If she'd have known it would go _this _way…

"Nami-san?" Sanji says, sounding concerned. Nami smiles and straightens.

"Just thinking, that's all," she says, staring after the retreating palanquin. "What is that idiot doing?" It's mostly a rhetorical question. She doesn't really expect Sanji to answer. She's not even sure that Sanji really knows. He's staring up the road now, just like she is, face impassive, smoking. Obviously lost in his own thoughts and maybe a little…worried? It is weird to see him like that. As if, for the moment, she doesn't exist. And it's not that she minds, per se. It's just that with everyone acting so weird already… and not knowing what the hell is going on… and not even with a particular goal in mind… It almost made her wish that some goons wielding weapons would pop out of the forest and attack so Sanji could fight and Zoro could fight and they could do what they did best and get themselves out of the situation with fists flying.

"I guess they're far enough away now," Nami says, pretending that is the reason why she has been so quiet. "That woman is so rude…" she says.

"Not everyone can be as charming as you, Nami-san," Sanji says brightly and Nami smiles as things slide back into the usual routine. She starts up the hill, almost immediately annoyed at her shoes. They are new and look great but a thinner heel than she is used to and not made for hiking.

Charming, he'd said. Just Sanji being Sanji. Though how charming could she be if she'd just about sold one of her nakama… But she hadn't thought it would be like that. All she was thinking was a mildly annoying night where Zoro got by with at least being relatively good looking while a gooseheaded woman rambled on about nothing in particular.

But this…Lady Agnes was… If that idiot let anything weird happen to him up there she is never going to forgive him. Fighting and getting his head knocked in was one thing, he is used to that, but this— and if something does— but he's strong enough to break her in half so why would it? But tonight has gotten so weird that anything seems possible. She is wrenched from her thoughts when an unexpected dip in the ground makes her trip but Sanji grabs her elbow steadying her before she can fall, before her heart jumps into her throat, even.

"Thanks, Sanji-kun," she says, giving him a small smile. "It's these stupid shoes." Just the shoes. Not anything else. Sanji's serious expression doesn't change which is so weird she feels her heart skip a beat.

"Don't worry about Zoro," he says. "He's not going to do anything he doesn't want to."

Did…Did Sanji really know what she was thinking or….

"As for your shoes, don't worry about them, either," Sanji continues, then sweeps his arms wide. "Instead, please allow me to carry you!"

And she almost laughs because he really is as transparent as glass most of the time. _Idiot_, she thinks, but fondly. They're all idiots but they are _her _idiots.

"No thank you, Sanji-kun," she says, but awarding him with a brighter smile than usual to soften the rejection. It works, of course, since unlike most men, Sanji takes a 'no' almost as well as a 'yes' so long as a feminine voice is saying it. Probably even better, Nami reasons as she resumes walking. She couldn't even imagine what he'd do if she'd accepted one of his advances. Probably die of a heart attack.

After twenty minutes more and aching calves, Nami was beginning to regret not taking Sanji up on his offer. The hill was steeper than it looked and it was colder up here, too. Despite Sanji's jacket, her legs were still bare and she wished she'd wore something a little longer. She's faintly aware that for the rest of her nakama this hill wouldn't be a problem. But then again, to most of her nakama, a group of marines bristling with swords was just a stroll in the park. She stops, resting her legs again and considering just saying the hell with it. The baby DenDen 'puru's from Sanji's pocket and she stiffens then realizes it must be Usopp. Since she'd already gone ahead and taken two she'd given the other one to him just in case he found out what was going on.

She takes the DenDen out of the pocket and pauses as she realizes that there might be others that she doesn't know about. Well she won't speak right away. Maybe she'll hear something useful. Sanji has stopped walking and is watching her. Nami holds up a hand for silence and lifts the tiny DenDen. There is quiet on the other end, too, though she can hear the faint sound of breathing. What in the… Unless it _is_ Usopp who had the same thoughts she had and was just being cautious.

"Usopp?" she says, hoping it is, but even if it isn't Sanji's here so it's not as if anything can happen to her.

"Ah, Nami, I'm relieved," Usopp says. "I thought I was going to have to come and save you."

"What's going on?" Nami asks.

"Uhh, well the truth is I don't know. There is a strange looking ship but it's anchored too far to make anything out. Luffy wants to steal a paddle boat and go out to it but I convinced him it's better for us to guard the shore."

Better? Try safer and Nami doubts he really convinced Luffy of anything but, never mind.

"Do you even know what we're looking for?" Nami asks.

"I've asked him and he says he doesn't know, just that it's strange around here," Usopp says. That figures. What a pain. "Also I keep getting the feeling someone is following us."

With Usopp that could be anything from a noisy rabbit rustling too loudly in the brush all the way up to…well…something or someone big and dangerous with lots of weaponry. Ugh. All this uncertainty. Something just needs to come out and try to kill them already. She's about to ask Usopp the details of whoever it is following them when there is the sudden sound of someone coming their way, loudly running through the undergrowth. Sanji tenses. Whatever it is probably won't be a problem but…

"I'll get back to you," she says and hangs up the DenDen, slipping it back into the pocket. A moment later a black shape erupts from the woods and collapses on the road ahead of them. It is human shaped, woman shaped, dressed in a black robe with a hood and brown heart shaped braids spilling out onto the road. Her shoulders are shuddering in the unmistakable sign of crying.

Oh no. Is she hurt? Nami starts toward her but Sanji is much faster, reaching her in just a few long strides, crouching beside her.

"Are you alright, Mademoiselle, are you hurt?" Sanji says, offering a hand probably to help her up.

"Yes, thank you," the woman says, taking his hand and letting him lift her to her feet. "I just…" she sniffs. "I've run all this way, so very very long just waiting for a handsome rescuer like you."

Nami hesitates. The lady's voice is pretty damn steady for someone who has been crying and if she's really run all that way they would have heard her. Sanji smiles when he hears this and Nami knows from experience that he's only one step away from mellorening his head off.

"Maybe I should reward my handsome knight," the woman says and Sanji's explosion is imminent.

"Sanji-kun," Nami says, coming closer in an attempt to warn him that something is not quite right. He looks at her.

"With a little Lovely Kiss," the woman says, grabbing Sanji's tie, yanking him forward, and kissing him right on the mouth. Sanji's eye widens and his fingers flex as if he suddenly has no idea what to do with them. Nami freezes once again, caught up in a confusing mix of embarrassment and something a little like anger but it is definitely not jealousy. _Find your own damn chef!_ Nami wants to snap at her. The lady pushes him away and Sanji's face melts like warm butter as he stumbles back, wiggling once, twice, before he crumples to the ground like a limp noodle. Okay that is definitely not normal.

"Hey, you witch, what did you do to my—" Nami stops mid charge as the woman whirls around, cloak flying, and pointing a pistol at her. Oh, crap. Nami takes a step back. She is starting to really regret that wish that someone would try to kill them. Figures the universe would listen to that one.

"Just a little Lovely Kiss, that's all. Specialty of the Lovely Lady pirates." She flicks back her hood and her braids tumble free, almost like she's trying to strike a pose. And then she does strike a pose hand on cocked hip, pistol still pointed at Nami, mouth curled into a smile. "Are you jealous, little girl?"

Jealous? No. Though she was getting a growing itch to murder Zoro at this point. It was his fault they were in this mess! Never mind. She'll raise his interest later. Right now she had to figure out how to get out of this mess.

"We're just tourists," Nami says, raising her hands and wishing she hadn't worn a shirt that buttoned up. She can feel the clima tact now, pressing against her breastbone, powerful and inaccessible unless she wants to get her head blown off. Time for plan B, stall until she can think of something better. "We don't have any money."

"Maybe not, but you have a bounty." The lady waves the pistol. "Did you think we wouldn't see the posters eventually?" Damnit. Those things. Nami knew she was going to regret having one. Now she can hear other people coming toward the forest at her. She doesn't want to look away from the pistol to see who they are, not that it would have mattered since she has the feeling their not going to be friendly anyway. Nami backs up another step.

"Melloriine," Sanji says faintly, and Nami has a spark of hope that maybe he's up but no, he's still lying on the ground, a goofy smile on his face, his lips red. What is wrong with him? Doesn't he see the pistol? Nami knows he won't kick a woman but at least he can get the gun out of her hands, right?

"Don't worry," says the lady with a laugh. "My Lovely Kiss won't wear off for quite a while yet." The footsteps behind her are coming closer. Urgh. Options. Options. What are her options? She could run and likely get shot in the back. Maybe she can activate the baby DenDen Mushi and maybe Usopp will hear and then at least when he answers it and hears weird people talking he'll know she's in trouble. It's a little awkward because the baby DenDen is in the coat's outside pocket and her hands aren't in the sleeves but…

"Gotcha!" says a rough, masculine voice. Sudden rough hands grab her shoulders from behind and Nami shrieks. Sanji jerks, almost as if he's convulsing. Oh hell what was in that kiss thing?

"Sanji!" she cries without meaning to.

"Enough out of you, you," the man says behind her and his leathery hand grabs her by the throat, squeezing, Nami reaches up to try to claw his hand away, tries to kick back with her leg to get him— Other black cloaked women are emerging from the trees. Sanji jerks up, sits up, staring at her for just a moment before that familiar, comforting look of rage settles on his face.

"You bastard!" he snarls, surging to his feet, stumbling just a little, before charging toward him. Heart braid lady grabs him by the tie in passing, nearly choking him.

"Lovely kiss!" she snaps, yanking him down and kissing him again. Sanji's rage leaves almost immediately and he smiles at her but there is a little wrinkle on his forehead as if he's not quite sure. If she can only get him to look at her again. She manages to pull the thug's hand away just long enough to scream Sanji's name again before the man covers her mouth. Sanji looks at her and his glare is a little less intense this time as if he can't focus.

"Lovely kiss, damnit!" the lady says, getting him, just barely a third time but Sanji stumbles and keeps on coming, his eye narrowed.

"Oh no you don't!" says another woman, barring the way, throwing her hood back and grabbing at him. "Lovely kiss!"

Sanji takes a step forward, before a third woman grabs his arm and lovely kisses him, too. Damnit. This is turning her stomach. Sanji tries to move forward, even reaches out for her, but he's being overtaken and Nami knows there is no way he can fight this. _It's all right, Sanji-kun_, she says. _I'll think of something._ She squirms her head free and bites the man's hand as hard as she can, until she can taste blood in her mouth. The man curses and loosens his grip and Nami squirms away, leaving the coat behind and starts running down the hill, tearing at the buttons on her shirt. She just has to get far enough away to take the clima tact out. Sanji will be okay. They won't kill him or they would have already.

"Get her!" a woman shouts. A shot sounds and Nami feels a slash of pain across her ankle, trips over the damn heels and hits the road hard enough to black out for a second. When she comes to her ankle is throbbing and she can hear the heavy footsteps of the man charging behind her. She pushes herself to her feet, nearly falling again as pain shoots up her leg. Nami bites her lip against, kicks off her remaining shoe and tries to run again. A rough hand grabs her arm, yanking her back hard and nearly dislocating her shoulder.

"There's no use running from us," the man says.

"Luffy's going to kick your ass for this," says Nami, hoping the man will feel threatened enough to let her go. If he knows about her bounty he _has _to know about Luffy's. The man hesitates.

"Hurry up!" one of the women snap. "What are you doing over there?"

Nami tries to jerk away again but he just jerks her back and squirts something astringent and heavy in her face. She yelps and tries to wipe it away but already her limbs feel heavy. She tries to reach up. If she…can just get…the clima tact…it will be….

* * *

><p>Don't own 'em.<p>

Thanks to the Great Effie and Liashi FNA Sora


	8. The Plan

**The Plan**

Bad time to be taking a nap. He knows this intrinsically, the same way he knows when there is someone behind him, when there is someone watching from the shadows, when there is something he should be doing. Yet there is something wrong. Or maybe there's something wrong because there isn't anything wrong. He isn't cut open anywhere he can tell. There is no blood itching from his forehead or any odd metal bit of bullet or shrapnel scratching against his ribs. There are no sounds of his nakama fighting, just quiet breathing of another person in the room. No smell of blood, just a sort of musty smell of the indoors, the very faint hint of gunpowder and a faint smell of perfume. There is a sense of something not quite right inside him, a weird sort of tension strung across his muscles. He bullies his way through it, forcing various parts of him to respond the way they should. Maybe it was something he ate, or something he drank, but he can't remember doing too much of either.

Zoro leaves that question alone for right now since there didn't seem to be a threat, and if there is he had better make sure his body is working sufficiently first. As he slowly comes to, various facts come to his attention. There is a weight around his ankles that clinks when he moves them slightly. Chains, he supposes. A similar weight around is around his wrists. Also, his head is being pillowed on a leg. It's not a particularly pillowy leg so that rules out a woman, most likely, not that he's had any opportunity for that. Can't be an enemy or he'd've been shoved off or beheaded by now. Probably one of his nakama. Wearing pants, but not fuzzy enough to be Chopper and not still enough to be Luffy and definitely not still enough to be the bastard chef's who would probably kick his head in from accidentally slouching over in deep sleep. So, all other options exhausted, it was either someone he didn't know or Usopp.

He pushes himself up, feeling as rubbery as Luffy but without the benefits, and leans his head against the wall. Dark in here. He hears a sort of shuffling clanking and looks over to see the distinctly long nosed silhouette of Usopp. Doesn't seem like there is anyone else in the room but them. Zoro yawns and scratches the back of his neck which is damn awkward with his hands chained together. He blinks in the darkness. There is light coming out from under a door in front of him, but it is dim, and muffled voices.

Not a cell, then. Some kind of room. Easy to get in and out of. How did he get here? Oh yeah, there was that damn Lady Agnes thing and then he'd let his guard down which had been _really _freaking stupid. And there was that perfume and now… Wait a the hell was Usopp doing here?! Well since he sounded like he was in chains, too, he probably got caught. And since they were here in chains that either meant that Luffy didn't know about it or had been knocked out somewhere.

"Are…are you okay?" Usopp asks in a voice just above a whisper.

"I'm fine," Zoro says. Still a little numbed but Usopp doesn't need to know that. "What happened?" he asks.

"Ah, well, it's really strange," Usopp says. Zoro snorts. What hasn't been strange lately?

"Luffy wanted to steal some paddle boats to go out to the ship, only he wanted to go straight through the forest to get there which was nuts because it was so dark I could barely see my nose and there were probably all kinds of snakes— not that I was afraid or anything but I figured we'd save more time going by the road and I was trying to find the road and I got…misdirected and wound up at this deep deep cave filled with a hundred…a thousand bats that—"

Zoro grunts. They don't have time for a stupid story right now.

"—that I'll tell you about later. Anyway, after defeating the bat monster, I got to the edge of the forest and I saw Luffy and the others and a group of townspeople. And it was obvious that they had talked but I didn't hear any of what they said only it was kind of weird because Luffy had this serious face and Chopper looked really nervous, like he was terrified but just standing there by sheer force of will. Then the lead town person guy said something like they wouldn't get out of being kissed and by the time they woke up it would be too late. Luffy just nodded like he knew what the guy was talking about but who really knows?" A pause, and then. "I tried to save them, of course. Even though I didn't have my kabuto or anything I was going to bravely charge in and dispatch them but Luffy gave me this…look, you know?"

"Mm." He knows. The truth of it all is starting to come together. The truth that involves their captain being an idiot and getting them all into trouble. It's a reckless decision. An utterly stupid decision. But Zoro wouldn't have followed anyone who had decided anything else.

"Then the guy squirted them with some sort of liquid and they all went down. Well it took a lot of squirts with Luffy and then I guess they heard me because they looked and I uh… slipped back to where I could spy more easily."

So that meant either Luffy and the others are in this building with them or on the way. On the other hand, they might have been taken to the ship which would be a hell of a problem. Franky looks strong enough to carry both Luffy and Chopper to shore but its going to take at least some fighting to get off that boat and that's if…that's if the riptide doesn't come and if it does who knows where they'll end up? But there's no use worrying about that until he knows he has to.

"Then a couple of the townspeople picked them up and started to carry them away."

"Did you see where they went?"

"I…uh…saw them being carried uphill but then I heard a noise and I my keen senses—" Usopp pauses again. "I mean…I thought I was gonna get ambushed so I snuck back down to the ship to get my kabuto and Robin wasn't there either. I think…I think maybe she got…that liquid too because there was this strange smell in the air."

"Some of the kids must be helping out, too," Zoro says. He can't see anyone else getting past Robin's defense that easily. A kid, though, is always a bid for sympathy and he's seen the way she acts with Chopper to know that she has a soft spot for them.

"Maybe. I saw some in the crowd." More soft clinking. Usopp wasn't done with his story yet and Zoro waited more or less patiently for him to get on with it. The sniper still hadn't said how he'd gotten up here and he didn't seem like he'd just woken from the perfume daze. But Usopp has to come at it in his own time in his own way and as long as he doesn't start out with the great captain fighting some three headed frog, Zoro will be fine with it.

"So I just decided since you all were so helpless I'd come to rescue you. I got my kabuto and your swords and—"

"Lost them as soon as you were captured," Zoro says, filling in the rest. Likely Usopp had gotten…here…wherever the hell here was, and snuck around until he got caught…which meant that his swords were close by at least and soon he would get to feel their weight again after having been all night without them.

"Well, actually, after much valiant fighting with a three headed frog, I bravely—"

Zoro glares at him and maybe Usopp can feel it because he says:

"Hid your swords in a ditch."

What? What ditch? How the hell could Usopp just leave them there?

"I j…just needed both hands for my kabuto and I tried tying the swords to my waist but they kept clinking around and drawing attention so I hid them but they should be safe."

They'd better be safe. Losing W_ado Ichimonji _is one thing but he doesn't want to have _Kitetsu_ get loose on these seas. He pushes that thought away for now. "How did you get caught?"

"Someone snuck up behind me and clocked me in the back of the head."

Damn these pirates fight dirty. It was why they chose this town, probably. They were weak so they needed a weaker town that they could sink in and manipulate and bleed dry. He remembers the crossed swords above the fireplace. _Hansel _and _Gretal_ right? Swords that wouldn't draw blood. Swords that protect the hands of the wielder. No wonder the town is crumbling to dust. Fine. No use getting irritated about it. All he has to do is get free, find Luffy and his other nakama, and the rest of it will take care of itself. First order of business. These chains are going to be a pain in the ass.

"How long has it been since you guys left to look at the ship?" Zoro says, winding a bit of the chain around either hand and testing the strength of them. They are pretty strong. If he had any kind of blade he could cut them but maybe if he's just strong enough he can pull them apart.

"How long? Uh, maybe a little over an hour?"

Zoro does some rough calculations as he pulls the chain between his hands. Assuming that they'd gone to look at the ship right after the garden… He had spent maybe ten minutes at the house, another twenty or so on that palanquin thing… Then she'd done that stupid chakra dance thing. But it couldn't have been the full hour and a half that Lady Agnes was talking about. Or could it? Well that would depend on how soon they'd gotten to see the boat and—oh forget it. Either the ship is still there or it isn't. No point in worrying out time now. Just had to get out of these freaking chains.

He pulls hard, the chains hold fast, he pulls harder. The chains remained stubborn. No. That is not acceptable. Zoro pulls as hard as he can, feeling the links pressing hard into the pads of his fingers. The chain fights with him but it is not going to win. He needs to get out of here. He has people to take care of. He has things to do. If his captain and nakama are taken away by that ship it is going to be really damn hard to find them and he is not going to let that happen so these— goddamn— chains— need to break— right— _now! _He hears the squeaking, feels the give, sweat trickles down his neck, he keeps pulling and in a fit of sudden violence they are apart, something pinging against the far wall.

Zoro relaxes against the wall for a moment, to catch his breath, wipe the sweat from his forehead and grunt in irritation as the loose chain hits him in the face. Not done yet, he still has his legs to do.

"What are you doing?" Usopp asks as Zoro starts to pull.

"Just shut up for a minute," Zoro says through clenched teeth. These are a bit harder. The grip is more awkward and he doesn't have as much direct pulling force but eventually these chains break, too. Good. And now. He stands, not even a bit unsteady. It's a good feeling.

"O…oi! W…wait a second where are you going?" Usopp says. Don't leave me here, he means. Zoro is about to tell him to just get his ass up then, but remembers Usopp has chains as well. Might as well break them, too. It's a good work out, anyway, and he's needed on all night. He kneels by the sniper. It's too dark to see the chains properly and his own shadow blocks what little light is coming in.

"Let me see your hands," he says. The darker shadow in the shadow that is Usopp presses himself against the wall like he's suddenly nervous, which is weird because Zoro is the only other one in the room and he doesn't even feel like maiming Usopp at the moment. He can make out the dark forms of Usopp's hands, judges where the chains are and reaches for them but Usopp jerks his hands away suddenly.

"Wait a second," Usopp says. "It's just the chains that are going to break, right? You're not going to try to cut off my hands or do anything weird like that, right?"

"Does it look like I have anything to cut them with?" Zoro says impatiently and Usopp's hands are back again. He grips the chains close to Usopp's wrists.

"Anyway," Zoro says, briefly testing the strength. "I still say that Chopper could have sewn it back on."

"I'm telling you that normal people don't work like that! There are muscles and tendons and things!"

"They'll heal," Zoro says, pulling a little harder. "And if not you can work around it." After all there were plenty of pirates and marines with missing limbs who were still plenty strong. Usopp could do with losing one or two limbs, might give him more spine, show him there were a hell of a lot scarier things in the world than what they dealt with. But then of course he would have to hunt down and slaughter whoever had had the gall to hurt any one of his nakama and honestly, he didn't want to face that kind of tension again, though it was probably inevitable.

"You're a monster," Usopp is muttering. "An absolute monster." Zoro ignores him and pulls. After a while the chains break and he starts on the others and by the time he is done his fingers are a little bruised but his shoulders and arms have that hot-cold worked out feel. Nice. Best feeling he's had all evening. He backs away to let Usopp get to his feet and, after making sure the sniper isn't about to fall over, tries to think of where to go.

"Let's go toward the door with the light," he says. After all there are people in that direction to and where there are people there is information that can be beaten out of them.

"It's behind you," Usopp says dryly and Zoro glares at him. He _knows _that. He isn't that stupid! It's the only direction with light in it. Tch. Zoro starts toward the door, hearing Usopp coming behind him, chains dragging along the wood.

"It's so noisy. Wait a second, Zoro, we should find a way to cut down the noise."

"What for?" Zoro says, testing the door, which doesn't even seem locked. Shrugging he pushes it open.

"Waiiit!" Usopp hisses. There is nothing but a bland colored hallway with another door at the end. He can see shadows moving underneath the door and hear the voices clearer now as well as rough laughter. Only one direction to go. Zoro starts forward and feels Usopp plucking at the back of his yukata.

"Ho…hold on," Usopp is whispering and Zoro is obliged to stop just so he'll stop that damn pulling. "Look we can't just burst in there. There can be swordsman and you don't even have swords." Zoro shrugs.

"I still have to fight them."

"No you don't," Usopp whispers. "Let's just listen quietly and maybe we'll hear something…"

But the talk has died down and Zoro hears thumping against the floor. He yanks Usopp back against the wall just as a sword slams through the door. There is laughter from the other side and calls of 'did you get him?' and the sword, blade chipped in some places and rusted in others wiggles in the door.

"Shit! It's stuck!" the swordsman says.

"Aah, I thought I was going to die," Usopp whispers. "But we can pretend we are dead. And surprise them! I think I still have a ketchup star on me somewhere…"

Zoro kicks the door open, smirking at the loud crack and sudden violent curse of the man behind it. There about twelve men in the room, all with some kind of spirit, no leather masks here. Most of them seem to have swords and all of them look startled as hell. Ah and there is the little girl from earlier, hands and legs tied behind her and looking surprised and then smiling.

"I knew you were going to come kick their butts!" she says.

"Keep dreaming, little girl," says the man behind the door, coming around. Zoro can see that his nose is broken and bloody. The other fighters are rising too and there is the rasping of poorly maintained swords being drawn.

"There's thirteen of us and one of you," Bloody Nose says. "You know what that means."

"Yep," Zoro says, cracking his neck. "It's going to be one hell of a boring fight." He grins. "But I'll get over it." And he _Tatsu Maki_s the bastard across the room.

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><p>Thanks to Liashi_fna Sora, The Great and Powerful Effie and all you lovely reviewing type people. :)<p> 


	9. The Problem

**The Problem **

There is something wrong. Nami is waking up, but it is a slow kind of waking. There is no pitch of a ship underneath her and no comfortable bed, either. In fact it's really uncomfortable. She's lying on her shoulder on the hard wooden floor. Her fingers are asleep, full of pins and needles. Her ankle throbs and there is an awful something in her mouth, that feels like an old rag. She pushes her tongue at it, trying to get it out but it won't move and her heart kicks up against her ribs. Oh damn. Squirming a little she tries to get her hands free to pull the thing out but rough rope burns her wrists. Her ankles, too. She wants to kick out, to flail around in panic, to open her eyes and see what's going on— act as if she's never been in this situation before. Admittedly, it's been a long time.

Nami keeps her eyes closed and forces herself to relax, keeping her breathing deep and even and listens. There is light here, she can see it dim behind her eyes. There is the sound of someone breathing nearby, asleep. The shift of clothes of someone who is awake and the disgusting sound of someone hocking snot into the back of their throat, a deep grunty masculine sound. She suddenly remembers that man, the hand around her throat, the squirt of stinging perfume. Women are talking nearby. Talking and laughing, not at all pleasantly. The sound is too sharp for that. At least one of them has drunk quite a lot. That might work to her advantage.

What she doesn't hear though is shouts or the distant rumble of footfalls or explosions. She doesn't hear the crash of metal or someone calling out her name loud enough to shake the spiders from the rafters. Luffy hasn't shown up yet. Nami swallows and regrets it as the taste crawls down her throat. He must not know yet, that was all, or was on his way. They had taken down a marine base, for god's sake. These lady pirates should be as dangerous as flies. It will be okay. She is a Mugiwara pirate. It will always be okay. …Eventually. For right now she's going to have to do what she can to save her own self.

Nami opens her eyes a little, enough to see the glimmer of the lamps through her lashes, then a little more and a bit more than that, trying to look around while not seeming awake. Though limited as her range of vision is, she can see the back of boots and piles and piles of stuff. A mirror and a set of expensively framed oil paintings. A lumpy pyramid of rolled up rugs. A stack of fine dishes and silverware lying on top of it. It looks like a small fortune in housewares and she just doesn't get it. That's not important right now. Taking a risk, Nami opens her eyes all the way. The big bulky man from before is standing in a doorway, his back to them. She glares daggers into his thick meaty neck. In the room beyond him, Nami can make out several women with heart shaped hair styles, lounging around on antique looking furniture and passing around a wine bottle. Good. Everyone is distracted.

It is difficult to sit up, especially when she realizes her legs are tied, too, but she manages, bracing herself against the trunk behind her. She glances through the clutter, trying to determine what she can use to defend herself. There's nothing that she can see. Not even a dull knife among the silverware to cut the ropes away with. She can still feel the Clima-Tact, thankfully, but unless she can move her hands it won't be of much help. Nothing on that side, then, she looks to her right and her stomach ices a little. There is Sanji, sprawled out on his back, arms and legs chained together. His head is to the side and it's difficult to see his eyes through the way his blond hair sweeps over his forehead but it's obvious he's asleep. His lips are really red now and his cheeks are tinged faintly pink. Is it some sort of fever or something else? It doesn't look like one from here.

Well his hands are in front, so that's a good thing. And more importantly, he'll have some range of movement with his legs, not much but maybe he can even break the chains with a kick. She isn't sure about that, it doesn't seem possible, but then her nakama have surprised her before. All that's left to do is wake him up and then he can untie her and she can get the Clima-Tact and get rid of these harpies and he could kick the shit out of the big stupid muscle head and everything will be fine.

Nami flops herself on her shoulder and inches closer to where Sanji is, keeping a close watch on the guard. Her ankle hurts like blazes and her wrists chafe. Worst of all her shirt is pulling and might pop open more than she wants, which she could theoretically use to distract the guard if she wasn't risking exposing her weapon at the same time. Of course once Sanji is awake that won't matter.

Finally she's close enough and bumps his leg with the back of her head. He doesn't even stir. She does it a little harder but it still doesn't work. Well she's not about to give herself a concussion over this. Hmm. She scoots up a little more so she can reach him with her hands and digs her fingernails into his calf. Nothing. But considering the iron muscle she can feel under her fingers, he probably doesn't even register it. Maybe it's time for a softer tactic. Nami struggles again, managing to get herself somewhat upright and shifts so she can rest her breast against him. His breath doesn't so much as hitch. Geez, he must be really out of it. What a pain.

"Going to put on a little show, girlie?" says the man with the rough voice. Nami's face fills with heat as she sees him watching her. Damnit. She should have been careful and paid more attention to him. She squirms upright so she's not quite as exposed and glares at the guard who is leering down her shirt. He seems the kind of guy who will take what he wants without being distracted by it. Well she won't let him have it.

"Sorry, love," the guard says, striding closer, his boots thunking on the hard floor, his shadow falling over them both. "Your boyfriend has had about a dozen Lovely Kisses which only strengthen the Lovely Perfume." The man raises his foot and she knows what he's going to do before he stomps it down on Sanji's chest. Sanji wheezes and coughs but doesn't wake up.

"He's gonna be out for a long time," the guard says with a laugh.

Nami glares at the guard, wishing she had the strength to break the ropes or squirm out of them or something. What does he think he's doing hurting Sanji like that? Especially when he is down and can't fight back! She shifts her weight and smashes her heels into the guard's shin. The man curses and yelps and suddenly his two big leathery hands are wrapped around the collar of her shirt and she is being hauled into the air.

"You bitch!" he snaps and his breath stinks. She ignores him and the pounding of her heart in her throat. If she can get just enough leverage she can kick him in the nuts and then he'd probably even be madder but he should be incapacitated for long enough for her to find a knife or something.

"What's going on?" says a woman, coming up to the door way and bracing her long fingers against the door frame. "Put her down, Yozu."

The man curses again and throws her. Her back slams into the wall before she can brace herself and sparks snap across her vision. She struggles to see again. She is between the wall and Sanji now, her legs over his still form. The guard is standing over her, glowering at her and the woman with the long fingers has come up to his side, resting a hand on his shoulder and smiling blandly.

"You're a bad girl, getting him all worked up like that," the woman says. Nami glares back. She'd do it again if she could. She'd thunderbolt tempo the hell out of them if she could.

"Don't you know the more aggressive men become the stupider they are?" the woman says, and clicks her tongue, shaking her head from side to side. "I think I'm going to have to let him work some of it out." She nods to the man.

"Go ahead, Yozu."

"Thank you, Lady Labal-sama," the man grunts. Oh damn. Nami curls her heels against Sanji's side, keeping her legs protectively over his hands and tries to just make it look like she's terrified. It's not that hard, especially when that damn boot comes down a second time, a third, knocks Sanji's head to the side. She squeezes her eyes shut so she won't glare at them and goad them further. Sanji will kick the shit out of this man. Or Luffy will beat the shit out of him. Or Zoro will cut him to pieces. Or Usopp will do any number of unpleasant things, from fireballs to stink stars. Whatever happens this guy's ass is kicked, if not now, then soon, if not from them then when she gets the Clima-Tact between her hands.

"That's enough," the woman says and Nami waits until the shuddering as completely stopped before she peels her eyes open again. Sanji is breathing harshly and there is blood in the corner of his mouth but that won't matter.

"He really is kind of a scrawny thing, isn't he?" the woman says, looking at Sanji with an almost fond smile. "I almost didn't think you guys were the infamous Mugiwara until I saw those posters, but really you're not much to look at, are you?" Nami only stares at her. Not that she can do much else.

"In reality, you all are pathetic and pretty much useless, aren't you? Except for you Navigator-chan," The woman leans against the guard again. "You see I'm thinking of expanding my little um…transport business. I'm in need of a navigator to handle through the weirder waters of the Florian Triangle and I just can't find anyone to volunteer. However, if you do join up I'll make sure you get fifteen percent of the profit."

Nami tries to keep her expression neutral. She's not entirely sure which is the best way to react. Going along with it will never work, not even for a moment. For one thing, how cheap! Fifteen percent for all she would have to do? It isn't even worth it. For another, even if she can handle the triangle, she doesn't think the others would be able to find her. But it won't come to that. It won't, right? No, it won't.

"I can see your eyes telling me to go to hell. Well I thought as much. But here, sweetheart, let me spell things out for you. You can either come with me and cooperate or…" She pulls a pistol from her cleavage and levels it at Sanji. "I shoot him in the head."

Before Nami can figure out how to react to that, there is a slight commotion at the door, but no one screaming in pain so nothing good for her. The woman looks away for a moment and then smiles and says:

"Wait right here." She goes to the doorway and the guard smirks and kicks Sanji once more in the ribs before following her but doesn't actually leave the room. Fine. That's fine. What can she do. She tries her wrists again and winces. Nothing moving there. No knives around or anything to cut with. What else can she use? Damnit she doesn't know! She clenches her fingers and Sanji lets out a puff of breath. Nami looks down at him but he's still sleeping. Deeply. Even though there is a swelling bruise on the side of his face. Bruise aside it's weird to see him like this, calm and peaceful, not even a cigarette in his mouth.

Oh… Oh that's it. He must have a lighter on him, right? Maybe she can grab it and…and burn the rope off. If she tests the rope really carefully and pulls it just when it frays, she won't get burned too badly… No, she won't think of the consequences now. Where would he keep it? It doesn't look like it's in his shirt pocket so maybe his pants. Nami shifts her legs back over him, scooting down and twisting until she can play her fingers on the edge of his pocket.

"You're late," the woman was saying.

"Sorry," a man says. "Lady Agnes didn't want to give her over at first. It took a little…uh…convincing."

"Pity," says the woman. "The old hag is becoming such a nuisance."

Nami doesn't know what they're talking about and doesn't want to know. Right now she just needs to concentrate. After a moment of fiddling she finds the cool metallic husk of the lighter and manages to snatch it out and hold it clenched in her hands before the guard half turns back into the room.

"Bring her in here," the woman, Lady who cares what her name is, says, coming into the room herself and smirking. Behind her is a man a little smaller than the guard, carrying a woman— no— carrying Robin— who is sleeping and limp and the spice of that damn perfume is filling the air. Nami presses the lighter tightly against her palm. How did they manage to do that? What were these people? Urgh. It doesn't matter who they are. Luffy can beat them right?! The smaller man tucks Robin against the rolled up rugs, like she is an oversized doll.

"Well now we have the last of your crew. Your former crew," says the woman. "About time we started going ourselves, hmm? Tide turns really soon." She leans down and pinches Nami's cheeks between her long fingers. "Don't worry, sweetie, it'll be fun."

It's not the last of her crew. It can't be the last. There is no way that this woman can bring Luffy down. No way anyone can! The woman stands and nods to the guard and he leans over and picks Sanji up, throwing him over his shoulder. So he's going to be a hostage, too. Good. When he wakes up he's going to want to kick some ass. The smaller guard comes over as well and picks Nami up. She considers struggling for a moment before the lady waves a pistol threateningly. Nami lets herself relax. She still has the lighter.

As the guard carries her out the door, Nami sees a small pile of the rest of her nakama. Luffy and Franky and Chopper, draped together and snoring, lips bright red. How had she gotten them? Nami feels something open up in the back of her throat. It will be fine. Luffy will wake up any time now. Any time! The other lady pirates stand, too.

"What about them?" says the heart braid lady as they start out the door. "We're not going to take them with us?"

"And have devil fruit users waking up on the ship? No." The lead woman smirks, pulling three thick green balls out of a pouch at her side. "If you remember, Lady Rouge, the posters do say alive _or _dead." Nami's throat goes dry.

"But we still have people in there, Labal-sama!" heart braid lady says. "If you use the poison balls…"

"Well if they're resourceful enough they'll be able to get out. If not they don't belong to the Lovely Lady Pirates." With that she tosses the balls and and one of the guards starts to shut the door, but just before he can close it all the way there is a distant scream and someone crashes hard enough into an unseen wall to crack the plaster. That can only mean Zoro is here... Nami sighs though her nose, closing her eyes and telling her heart to stop strangling her. That idiot… Scaring her like that… Geeze

The guard slams the door shut and locks it, not that a stupid lock will make any difference to a man who would more likely come through a wall. He will be fine. They will be fine. She and Sanji will be fine, too, just as soon as Zoro gets the rest of their nakama awake. For now she will find a way to break free and keep both herself and Sanji alive.


	10. The Other Problem

**The Other Problem**

* * *

><p>This fight— Zoro dodges the blade.<p>

Is not quite as— Zoro dodges the blade again.

Fun as he'd— Zoro deflects the downswinging blade with his manacle and uses the split second opening to punch Seven of thirteen into the ceiling…

Imagined… Zoro concludes as numbers Six and Five of thirteen come at him simultaneously. He sweeps up Seven's sword and meets Five's vicious desperate slash only to have both shitty blades shatter with the impact.

"Lovely kiss!" Lady pirate shrieks and Zoro sighs inwardly and takes the time to punch Five in the face with the hilt before he jerks away from Six's lunge and yanks Usopp back from Two's blade which is a mouse whisker's breadth from cutting his head open. Usopp sags and immediately straightens in rigid terror even though the sword has already whistled past him. Zoro's not entirely sure why but is beginning to formulate an idea.

He jerks Usopp behind him again, blocks Six's blade with the jagged hilt and then has to grab his shirt and send him flying into Eleven who has recovered enough to charge. Ten or Three or whoever the hell it is decides to attack from behind which he notices before Usopp says:

"Watch out," and ducks to his side and has just enough time to smash his elbow into whatever number's face before Usopp is jerked away for the fifth or sixth time.

"Lovely kiss!" says Lady Pirate and Zoro sees her lips pressing into Usopp's, the sniper's startled expression turning into something that would make the love-cook proud, and then Two come again with his sword, screaming in determination. Zoro jerks him away just in time, again and Usopp goes rigid again.

"Will you stop that!" the Lady Pirate shrieks.

"You stop it!" Zoro snaps back at her.

"Ahh, I can't take this," Usopp says. "My heart is going to _aaah_ duck!"

Usopp ducks. Zoro moves his head to the side as a sword— a sword—goes whirling past him and buries into the opposite wall, nearly taking off Pirate Lady's head with it. He turns and glares at One who visibly swallows. It's no wonder all their swords were notched and weak. Bastards treated them with no respect at all. On top of that, since the guy now has no weapon, Zoro doesn't feel right just hitting him.

"Why aren't you getting all these guys down?" Usopp says, rising cautiously, and then gritting his teeth as Eight attacks and Zoro spins them both out of the way and smashes his fist into the back of Eight's head sending him stumbling almost into Lady Pirate who squeals and backs out of the way. Over her shoulder, Two is glowering at him.

"I am," Zoro mutters. He feels two come up behind him while One advances from the side with a couple of chain whip flails that he hadn't had before and Zoro jerks Usopp out of the way. One of the chains smacks the two approaching in the face and the third chain is slashing toward him, doesn't look particularly sharp, though so Zoro holds up his arm to block it and feels a slight twinge as the chain wraps around his arm and catches.

"Z…Zoro!" Usopp says, as if it's really a problem. Tch. One even has the gall to smirk as if he's actually scored a point. They have no idea how to fight at all. It's like a gum gum gatling with no direction and half the power. One tugs on Zoro as if to pull him and Zoro yanks back, bringing One over to him so he can punch him in the face—feeling the satisfying crunch of his nose buckling before pulling the guy directly into the line of Nine's attack. Geeze why is he up now? The bastards just won't stay down. It's as if they're running on speed of terror.

"Waah!" Usopp says and Zoro says:

"Try to block it, at least!" As he takes the time to use the chain to wrap One and Nine together and kick them both across the room for a few feet. The damn cook would have had them through the wall.

"Ha!" Usopp says.

"Eek! You almost hurt me!" the Lady Pirate cries.

"Uh…s…sorry I didn't—"

"Lovely—"

Zoro unwinds his arm and jerks Usopp away before she can complete the attack. The Pirate Lady stomps her foot.

"You're really starting to annoy me!" she snaps.

"Shut up! You're more annoying!" He can't even fight properly if he's too busy playing a game of tug-of-Usopp. At least Two, Three, some other number, his face is too bloodied to tell, and Catfish face, who probably should have a number but Zoro can't get the impression out of his head, are the only ones left. They're hanging back, though, not so much giving up, though as planning a different strategy. Zoro spots the Lady Pirate and her bodyguard Two looking at them and almost as one they nod. They're all going to attack at once. Zoro grips the back of Usopp's shirt and tries to wonder how to manage this. He suddenly spots the green slender form of Usopp's kabuto and Usopp's brown lumpy bag through one of the many holes in the wall. This particular hole is wide enough for Usopp to cross through easily but it's also near the lady and if she gets to Usopp before he can reach it, Two can slice him apart pretty easily.

"You really should give up," says Lady Pirate, cocking her hip to the side. "The moment you let your guard down I'm going to Lovely Kiss him until his lips fall off."

"That is such a cheap attack," Zoro grumbles.

"Who are you calling cheap, you moss-headed jerk!" She snaps, clenching her hands into fists. "That's it! No more playing around. No man has ever escaped the lovely kiss of the Lovely Lady Pirate, Chapstick!"

"You have to use the fan, stupid!" the servant girl snaps. Zoro glances at her, still tied up in the corner of the room.

"Shut up, brat!" Catfish face snarls at her, snatching out like he's going to grab her. She lunges out to meet him and catches his sausage finger between her impressive teeth. Catfish face howls and tries to shake her off and finally does but not without bleeding. Zoro smirks. He likes that kid. What the hell does she mean by use the fan, though? To defeat the guards? He pulls it out of his obi belt. It's too light to be any kind of weapon. Maybe they're afraid of drunk pigs? Might as well test it out. He flicks his wrist, snapping open the fan on the second try, feeling pleased with himself, he grins, holding it up to Two, Three, Whoever, and Catfish face.

They stare at him. He stares at them. A small wind blows. Okay, what the hell?! How does that damn thing happen indoors? Forget it. Maybe Zoro just has to try harder.

"Oi, idiots, are you paying attention?" he asks, flipping the fan over and waving it at them to see if that will work. They stare at him. He stares at them. Another wind. He is going to kick that wind's ass.

"Uh, Zoro?" Usopp says as if he, too, wonders what the hell Zoro is doing. Finally Three moves, leaning over to whisper loudly in Whoever's ear.

"D'you think Roronoa is actually a bit…"and he wiggles his hand side to side. Zoro feels his face heat.

"What the hell do you mean by that?! I'll kick your ass, you bastard!" he yells. And then to the servant girl. "What the hell kind of idiot thing are you making me do?!"

"You're not doing it right!" the girl snaps back.

"Don't just ignore me!" the Lady Pirate snaps. "Lovely Lady Break!" and she's suddenly rushing them, Two right behind her. Usopp yelps and scrambles back and the lady smirks. Zoro sees she's going to change direction a second before she does. He has to throw up an arm to guard Two's strike, the sword ringing on the iron manacle, just as the lady grabs him and stretches up a hell of a lot quicker than Zoro anticipated. He grimaces and lurches back, shielding his face with the fan and blinks in surprise as she ends up with her lips against the cloth part.

Oh.

"Curses," she says and jumps back. Zoro takes the time to move his wrist from blocking the blade, and then taking advantage of the huge opening to punch Two in the face and send him crashing next to the hole and making it a little bigger. Zoro stares at the hole, then at the kabuto on the wall behind it. The lady is still a problem but the hole looks just big enough…

"Yahoo!" the servant girl is cheering. "I knew you wouldn't be kissed by the ugly Cheapstick!"

"It's Chapstick, you brat!"Lady Pirate snaps.

"Cheap! Cheap! Nyaaa!"

"Shut her up, Troutman!" Lady Pirate says, then narrows her eyes. "Permanently."

The servant girl shrieks and Zoro curses as Catfish Face grabs for her. She starts scooting away but he is raising his sword. Shit! He slaps the open fan into Usopp's hands.

"Hold this," he says.

"Okay, but Zoro…," Usopp says but cuts off when Zoro twists his hand into the front of Usopp's shirt and starts running toward Catfish face, pulling the Sniper behind him

"Eh…Zoro, Zoro wh…what are you even thinking of doing?!" Usopp yelps.

"Throwing you through the wall," Zoro says. He has to stop right about… "Don't miss."

"Wait, what?!"

Here. Zoro throws him, then keeps on going, knocking away Three who has charged in his way and keeping an ear on Usopp's continuous scream. It's almost impressive he can hold the same note for so long. Catfish Face's sword is slashing down. Zoro curses again, picks up his speed and gets in front of it just in time and catching it. The notched blade carves into his hands. It's blade is too dull to make him do anything more than bleed a little. Whoever cackles and Zoro can see the man running toward him just as Catfish Face grins and leans down and makes Zoro bleed a little more than he wanted. If he lets go he might get back just in time before the blade can open his chest and just get a gash which, given the rust on the sword, might get infected but that's what Chopper is for, right? And then he can Tatsu Maki Whoever and Catfish in opposite directions if he times it just right.

Whoever raises his sword, Catfish Face cuts down.

"Himawari Boshi!" Usopp calls. There are two small explosions and Whoever falls forward, eyes rolled up as two spots on the back of his head smoke. Two more explode on the side of Catfish Face's face, knocking him to the side and a third flashes just past Zoro's nose and embeds in the wall. Zoro smirks and punches Catfish Face down the rest of the way. Then he turns and crouches to help the little servant girl who is staring up at him with wide eyes. There is rope around her small ankles instead of chains and he can see pink marks and spots underneath it where its rubbed her skin raw. Zoro frowns and sits crosslegged to pick out the knots. Bastards. He can't even trust the swords scattered around to do this. They would probably break out of spite.

"Wa ha haaa, looks like I saved the day!" Usopp says, stepping through the hole and putting his hands on hips.

"Looks like you did," Zoro says. Took a hell of a lot of talent to take two guys down like that and not hit Zoro at all. Usopp is still a moment, then sinks to his knees.

"Oh my god, I did!"

Zoro doesn't know why he is so surprised. Usopp has gotten stronger, just like all of them. Zoro picks at the knots some more. Though they are small and his fingers aren't exactly made for this and anyway he keeps bleeding over them. Damnit.

"Fools!" says Lady Pirate and Zoro glances at her, mildly surprised. He almost forgot she was here. "Have you really forgotten about me?" He watches her sidle over to Usopp, staring down at him. Usopp stares up at her. Zoro waits. There is nothing. Damn wind. In a sudden movement like a snake striking, Lady Pirate swoops down but Usopp snaps the fan open like he was born to do it and manages to get it over his lips which is pretty impressive maneuvering considering the length of his nose. Lady Pirate snaps upright again and stomps her foot.

"Don't feel bad, young miss," Usopp says, closing his eyes and holding out his hand as if he's telling her to stop. "Not even the wisest can contend with the intelligence of the great Captain Usopp. Not even lightning can match his quick reflexes…"

He'll be fine. Zoro continues to work at the knots.

"I have defeated countless enemies merely by my good looks alone and…"

"Can you defeat this?" Lady Pirate says in so sharp a voice that Zoro has to look over again. She's holding out a bottle of the perfume stuff. Not that Zoro knows where the hell she keeps it because she's not particularly…round…enough to keep anything too well in…what..women seem to keep things in. In any case the perfume is a big problem. Usopp's eyes bulge for a second, then he looks down again, coughing into his hand, or Zoro is sure that's the effect he's going for but it's ruined by the fan in the way.

"I wouldn't do that you see, my…my skin reacts like a certain toad's and, when attacked by perfumes, exudes a poison that will certainly kill you."

"Well," says the Lady Pirate, leaning down and smirking. "Good think I'm not going to touch you."

Zoro starts to rise.

"It also smells!" Usopp says, holding up his hand to shield himself. "Really bad. Like a thousand unwashed socks. Like a skunk trapped under your bed for a week. The smell gets on everything won't come off for years and years if at all." And then, stronger. "Here, I'll show you. Stink star!" He flicks his fingers and red splatters all over the underside of Lady Pirate's fingers. She shrieks and drops the bottle which Usopp catches and tucks away in his bag so fast Zoro doubts the lady even sees. Zoro sits back down again.

"This is ketchup! You~! You lying little~! Oooh!" she stomps again and stalks through the hole in the wall.

"He's pretty funny," says the servant girl but she sounds more startled than amused. Zoro grunts. These knots are taking too damn long and he still has to find Luffy and the others.

"No one can outwit the great captain!"Usopp says. "My cunning is my ultimate technique!" He snaps the fan closed with gusto and poses with it. The servant girl laughs in a sort of breathy way.

"Get your cunning over here and help with these knots," Zoro says.

"Oh, sure," Usopp says, pausing to pick up his kabuto before coming over and sitting behind the girl to work on her hands.

"You guys are the weirdest pirates I've ever seen," the girl says. "You act really nice but mama says you're supposed to be really strong."

"The strongest in the Grand Line," Usopp says which isn't entirely true. Not yet anyway. Zoro gets one knot undone and starts on the other. How many damn knots did they tie her up with?

"I'm really glad you came to help," the girl says, lowering her eyes. "Mama always says they're going to bleed us dry…"

"About that," Usopp says. "What is going on here?"

"I dunno much, only what I've heard but…" the girl wiggles her feet a little as the ropes start to give. "We used to be really peaceful town. We didn't have fights or criminals or anything. Cuz we're so small, you know, we don't attract that kinda stuff. But then Lady Labal and her Lovely Lady pirates came and they…they took over. They're way too strong for us to fight. And it was okay at first but…then they started taking people away. Not only us but visitors on ships sometimes and no one ever comes back."

"Why not call for help?" Usopp says. "Even though you're small the marines would probably help…"

"Well Lady Labal says we're in it just as much as her," the girl says, frowning fiercely and Zoro can tell she's trying not to cry. "And we'll get in trouble, too. Mama doesn't want to do anything about it."

"Done," Usopp says and the girl rubs her wrists gingerly, which are also pink and red and then clenches them into small fists in her lap.

"She says its best to wait until they get bored. But…" the girl ducks her head and grits her teeth. "They never will!"

"No we won't." Lady Pirate's voice floats over to them. He glances up at the woman who is now carrying two pistols, one pointed at him, the other pointed at Usopp. This is going to be a pain in the ass.

"We're going to suck your pathetic little town dry and there is nothing you can do about it."

"Oi, Usopp," Zoro says in a low voice, looking over the girl's head at his nakama. "Do you think you can survive getting shot?"

"No, I don't think I can survive getting shot!" Usopp hisses, chopping his hand in the air. "Are you crazy?!"

"It's not like you're getting slashed or anything," Zoro says as he keeps picking at the knot. "It's just going to be a small wound and if it explodes out your back you'll probably get a cool scar."

"I don't want a cool scar! I want to live!" Usopp snaps.

"No, listen, you won't die," Zoro says, feeling as if he's said this before. "We just have to find Chopper and—"

"Hope we don't bleed out," Usopp says. Zoro shrugs.

"A little blood loss has never hurt anyone. Anyway, even if you only have a drop left your determination will keep you going." So it's been for him, anyway. And Luffy too, come to think of it. Probably not Sanji, though. He seems to fussy to want to bleed too much.

"I keep telling you there is nobody in this world that works like that!" Usopp snaps.

"My, my," Lady Pirate says. "If you gentleman will kindly stop ignoring me I will get to blowing your brains out!"

Usopp looks at her. The lady glowers back at him. A small wind starts, then stops, then starts up again. Zoro is getting weirdly used to it. The girl is clenching her hands an glaring at the lady. Then the girl looks at Zoro, biting her lower lip, her eyes gleaming with hard tears. She wants to do something, Zoro knows. Fight for her town. Zoro dips his chin slightly in acknowledgment and flicks out his fingers to tell her to wait. He can't see any way to cover her. There are no swords close enough to grab. No way of deflecting the bullets then. Maybe he can with his manacles.

"Zoro, lets ignore her with all our hearts," Usopp is saying. Zoro ignores him.

"Three," he murmurs, looking into the girl's eyes, trying to tell her with a gaze that he can't promise she will live but will avenge her death if she doesn't. Her eyes harden and she nods. He gestures 'two' with his fingers and shifts her weight.

"So it's a nice day. Nice spring weather," Usopp says. "I bet we can catch some great fish with weather like this, right? Right?"

"Now!" Zoro says and surges to her feet. Lady Pirate shrieks and fires both guns at him like he thought she would, just as the girl dashes forward. Zoro manages to deflect one bullet and the other thuds harmlessly into his shoulder where it doesn't hurt at all. Then Lady Pirate spots the girl and cocks the hammers on the pistols but the girl throws herself forward and screams:

"Chakra Dance Leg Point! Ten minute special!" while punching her thumb three times against the lady's leg. The lady shrieks and falls, the pistols going off and punching and hitting the ceiling, making plaster rain down like snow. Without hesitating, the girl grabs the pistols from the lady's hands and points both of them back at her.

"This is my island!" the girl yells. "Do you hear me! Mine! And I'm not going to let you take it from me anymore!"

"What are you going to do, you little brat. Kill me?"

"Get out," the girl says. The woman smirks and the girl cocks back the hammers. "I said, get out!" Lady Pirate pales.

"You'll pay for this!" she snaps, pushing herself up and stumbling toward the door, dragging her limp leg behind her. Zoro watches her leave. Good kid. The first burst of spirit he's seen on this island. The girl is trembling now and Zoro hears suspicious sniffing sounds.

"Oi, don't cry," he says, planting a light knuckle on her head. "You're a warrior of this island. You have to be strong."

"I'm…" the girl sniffs. "I'm just…" she looks up at him, a brilliant smile on her face, even as strong tears streaked down it. "I'm just so glad I kicked her butt!"

"You could have been shot!" Usopp says. They both turn to look at him and the girl blinks.

"It would only be a little hole," she says. Zoro nods. Exactly. She gets it. He doesn't see why the concept is so hard for others.

"I give up, you're both crazy." Usopp wipes a hand across his forehead. "I really thought I was going to die that time." Zoro snorts. If Usopp can survive a desert war, an out of control lightning freak, an entire damned marine base and those CP9 guys, then why does he still think that a little thing like a bullet will end up killing him. The girl turns back to smile at Zoro.

"By the way, I'm Dolche Sundae." She says and bows politely, pistols still in hand. "Pleased to meet you."

"Roronoa Zoro," he says, mildly amused as he bows his.

"Usopp, pleased to meet you," Usopp says, bowing as well, then straightening and picking up his kabuto. "We should get out of here before that crazy lady comes back."

"She won't," Zoro says. "And we have to look for Luffy."

"Oh. Right,"Usopp's hand tightens over the kabuto. He's gearing himself up to go ahead. Zoro lets him be.

"I'll come with you," Sundae says, gripping the pistols. "I'm ready."

"You go defend your town," Zoro says. "Or you really will be helping pirates." And they are not really the kind of pirates anyone should want to be helping right now.

"But you saved me!" Sundae says, thrusting her chin out. "I owe you a debt!" That's true. He doesn't want to demean her to say she can't repay it but on the other hand she could get her town in a lot more serious trouble.

"Well you can tell us how this building is laid out, if you know it," Usopp says.

"That's too easy," the Sundae says with a pout.

"Hmm, oh," Usopp snaps his fist into his palm. "You can get Zoro's swords. There should be three of them hidden in the ditch by that freaky looking twisty tree."

"Oh, you mean the Mushi Tree?" Sundae nods, still frowning. "I guess I can get them. But…"

"We have faith in you, Sundae-chan!" Usopp says. "Even though it cost you your life you'll get those swords back to us!"

"Right!" Sundae says, bracing her legs wide. "With my life! Alright, listen up, you bozos," Sundae says. "That way is the way the Lovely Lady pirates sitting room! They are strong but I know you can beat them!" She points in one direction and then jabs her finger the way they came in. "That way is the way out. You will go through three rooms and make a left, but not a right because that's the coat closet but it looks like a front door. I know cuz I locked myself in there once. It was embarrassing," she finishes, in the same commanding voice.

"Got it!" Usopp says, saluting. "You go your way and we'll go ours and we'll meet in the middle, Sundae-chan!"

"Until we meet again, Usopp-san!" Sundae says, saluting back, then marching out like a soldier. Cute kid. A little weird though. Zoro shakes his head. Now to get Luffy and everyone else. He starts toward the Lovely Lady's sitting room since it is better to go forward first before going back.

"Oi, oi," Usopp says, sounding tired. "This way." Zoro turns to see him standing by a door. Well a door would make more sense than the hole he was trying to go through. Though that might have been a short cut. Probably better to stick together for now though.

"She was pointing right here," Usopp mutters as he pushes open the door, coughs a little, some kind of smoke seems to curl out around his feet but is gone before Zoro can see. Usopp goes into a narrow hall and Zoro follows him. The air is thicker here. Stinging almost. There is a weird smell and something is burning in the back of his eyes and tickling the back of his throat. He coughs, feeling it coat his tongue. It's disgusting. It's poison. He realizes suddenly in a sudden sharp stab to his gut.

"Zo…Zoro, I think…" Usopp says, and leans against the wall, coughing into his hand.

"We have to check," Zoro says, trying to force the coughs inside. He has to check. Even if he is wrong. Usopp nods and, hand trembling, reaches out for the door. Then he yanks his hand back then stiffens and pushes it forward again, turns the knob and throws open the door. A cloud of thick green smoke rolls out and hits them in the face.

It feels like claws are scraping the inside of Zoro's lungs, his burns his eyes so much that he can barely see but he has to see. He can't leave them behind. Just a little poison. He coughs a few times, a few more, realizes he can't stop and then holds his breath, trying not to breathe at all as he stumbles further into the room. It's hard to see but he does make out three shapes in the dim green gloom. He recognizes the curve of antlers. How long have they been in here? How much have they breathed? It doesn't matter. They'll be fine. He just…just has to get them out…

Zoro stumbles over to him, his ears ringing from holding his breath and he lets it out finally and tries to suck in smaller breaths that prod daggers into his lungs. He picks up Chopper first, setting a strap of the reindeer's backpack between his teeth. Ha! He can't cough now. If he does he will drop Chopper and that is not acceptable. Then he picks up Luffy, grunting as the straw hat falls from his head and onto Franky's lap. Did that idiot forget to tie it on? Stupid. Can't be helped. He maneuvers Luffy over his shoulder, wincing a little as it stings unexpectedly, then remembering the bullet that doesn't hurt and picks up the hat, jamming it onto his head. Then he realizes he's going to have a hell of an awkward time lifting Franky and positioning him without losing anyone else, so offers a silent apology to the shipwright and grabs the back of his shirt, dragging him ..and then realizing the room has gotten so smokey he has no idea where the damn door is.

He wants to cough. He wants to throw up. He won't do either. A hand grabs his arm and he starts and realizes it's Usopp who is coughing so hard he can barely stand straight. Usopp pulls at him and Zoro follows, the green cloud follows them, too. It had filled up the hallway and now the fighting chamber. Usopp is walking as quickly as he can but it's not quickly enough. He keeps having to stop and hack his lungs out, tremble. Zoro wants to cough too, his lungs burn with it. Everything burns with it. Usopp doubles over, clutching at his kabuto to keep himself upright. Zoro stops. He can't go on without him. He can't leave without him and he doesn't think he can find his way out in all this damn smoke either. But Usopp will recover. Usopp will pull through. Zoro glares at his back and sends all the will and strength he can into the other man. Keep going. Keep going. Just a little further.

Usopp starts again, still bent a bit but walking, a little swifter now. Into the dark room they'd been kept in the air is a little easier to breathe here but not by much. Then another room Zoro can't see. There is a little noise and he realizes Chopper is starting to cough, too. Good, that means he's still alive. Zoro's legs tremble but no they don't because his legs are not going to give out on him now. That is forbidden.

Finally they reach a long hallway, dim and starting to get dimmer with creeping smoke. At the end of the long hall looks like the door out. Zoro starts toward it but Usopp grabs his sleeve again.

"This…this way," he croaks. A few more steps and a door opens and Zoro sees the starlit sky, the distant moon, the faint flickering of torches against the ground and feels a breath of fresh breeze wash over his skin. It is better than the finest tasting rum in the world. Usopp moves out first and Zoro follows, wanting to breathe in the fresh air but knowing he will cough and he is still holding Chopper.

"Well well," says a familiar. "Someone is feisty." She's standing just a few paces down the hill, a bunch of her leather masks towering around her. They are armed with staffs, swords in various shapes of disrepair and torches and he's sure he sees the glint of a pistol. In the silhouettes of Lady Agnes herself, backlit by torches, he can see the hilts of Hansel and Gretal peeking over her shoulders. Shit.

Zoro drags Franky as far as he can away from the door, keeping an eye on Lady Agnes, then puts down Luffy beside him before taking Chopper's backpack out of his mouth. Lady Agnes doesn't move. Zoro stands in front of his nakama, allowing himself to cough a few times, but only a few. It won't be so bad. He can attack straight on and Usopp can—

"Robin!" Usopp says. "R…Robin might still be—" he coughs a few times. It sounds wet."I…I have to l…look." He's shaking. Zoro can practically hear his knees knocking. Usopp will go. Zoro knows he will. But there isn't time for Usopp to be afraid right now. Usopp coughs and then grinds out:

"Yosh," before dashing back into the house. Lady Agnes watches him go, mildly.

"Don't worry about sending him to his death," Lady Agnes says. "Since you're all going to die here. It's probably kinder for him." She pulls Hansel and Gretal from their sheathes. Her stance is one who is at least familiar with nitoryuu.

"You were right, by the way," she says. "Swords that won't taste blood won't defend anything. But I'd rather it be the blood of pirates than the blood of my people." She shifts back, preparing for an attack. "Sorry about this."

Zoro wants to cough. His eyes are still blurry. He has nothing but his fists with unconscious nakama to defend and two more who may be close to dying when they get out. This…is going to be a pain in the ass.


	11. The Bigger Problem

**The Bigger Problem**

* * *

><p>"Gingerbread Rush!" Lady Agnes shouts and flies down at him, swords crossed in an attempt to cut off his head. Zoro grits his teeth and raises his arms so that <em>Hansel <em>and _Gretal_ ring against his manacles. Lady Agnes snarls, her impressive weight sending him skidding back a few feet as she leans into him. She falls with grace and pivots.

"Sugarcane Spin!" she says and starts twirling, fast, coming at him like some sort of demonic top. Zoro backs away, slipping for a split second on an uneven patch of ground and feeling the whisper of the sword slide over his skin. Just a cut, nothing major. His yukata suffers more damage than he does, practically falling off his shoulder. She's good for a normal person and her desire to protect her town gives her an added strength. She is out of practice, though, leaving at least a dozen openings even in her strongest attacks.

But Zoro just can't bring himself to deck the old lady. She is fighting for her town, even though he doesn't want to have anything the hell to do with it. She doesn't even want to be hurt in doing it which is why she's going all out, he can tell and winning that easily—it wouldn't be a win. It would be like…shoving a little kid off a swing. She stops, panting, and Zoro looks away from her long enough to see the other townspeople approaching his still prone nakama. It's only been a minute or so, and at least Chopper is still coughing and Franky has started to, as well, but Luffy is too still. He'd better not be sleeping.

Zoro sends his best glare at the villagers, promising the town is going to have a sudden rash of concussions and other unpleasant things if they don't back off, and they scatter back in a clump. Usopp and Robin still haven't come out of the green haze of smoke that's coming out of the door that one of the townsman is reaching out too close.

"You leave that door alone!" Zoro snaps at him and the man scrabbles back. Zoro sees the blade swinging for his neck out of the corner of his eye and dodges away from it and behind her, having to stand sideways so that he can keep an eye both on her and the townspeople below. Lady Agnes is panting, clutching her swords and glaring at him. She seems tired out but he knows she's preparing herself to fight twice as hard.

"Take care of the others!" Lady Agnes snaps, striking her swords together so that they clash and spark. Then she does it again. A third time. Not to encourage them, Zoro realizes, but in preparing for an attack. In the sparks of light he sees something like liquid shining along the blade. Her eyes narrow.

"I'll take care of him," she says. "Witch in the Oven!" She spits and clashes her swords and a fireball whips off them and comes flying straight him. Oh shit. Zoro jerks himself away from it just in time and straight into her whirling sugarcane attack which is driving him downhill and away from his nakama who are being slowly approached by the villagers once more. Alright. Enough is enough. Zoro briefly considers picking up Lady Agnes by the collar and throwing her like a cannonball into a knot of villagers when Chopper stirs and sits up, hacking a second or two before bolting to his feet.

"Ahh! What's going on?!" he cries.

"Ahh the monster is awake!" one of the villagers cry and they all stumble back a step.

"I'm a rein" cough "deer!"

"Hurry up and die!" Lady Agnes snaps, thrusting at him. Zoro dodges that strike and the other one, too. The thrusts are coming like punches. Not really a technique but she could refine it into one. Still, enough _is _enough and even though he won't throw her he can at least disarm her…which would be easier now that he could look away from the others for a few minutes.

"Nevermind, men," says one of the townspeople. "Get him!"

"B…but wait! I know you! You're Carvel-san! Y…you said if we let you sp…spray us it should be okay!"

"Things change, monster-chan," says a man with a grave voice. "I'm sorry."

Lady Agnes thrusts long, Zoro spins from it, getting behind her and grabbing her wrist, keeping a firm grip on her but trying not to bruise. She glowers at him.

"B…but we were go…gonna help!" Chopper says. And Zoro can see the townspeople are close. Too close. Chopper was still in Brain Point. Careless and stupid, just when they can't afford it.

"Shut up, Chopper. They aren't interested in talking," Zoro says, seeing Lady Agnes thrust out underneath her arm with her other hand. Zoro avoids that blade, too, letting it taste a trickle of blood from his side so that he can grab Lady Agnes other wrist without hurting her. Chopper looks at him, coughing a few times and the townspeople rush at once. It's almost too late but Chopper pops up into Heavy Point, knocking townspeople away with broad sweeps of his hands.

"Pleasant as this is, cabin boy, you can't hold me forever," Lady Agnes says, dryly. "I heard you were supposed to be some sort of swordsman. Is this how you fight?"

"This isn't a fight, it's an execution," Zoro says. A stupid one. He wants to say something that would get her to see that she should be attacking those Lady Pirates. To get her on their side before anyone gets hurt that doesn't need to. But he isn't Luffy and there is too much else to think about right now. Like the fact that some of those guys have swords, damnit, and why isn't Luffy moving and where the hell are Usopp and Robin?

"It is what it has to be," says Lady Agnes. "You will die here. If not by my hands then others." She drops _Hansel_, the second sword he stopped and he can feel it fall past his leg and hit the ground. But her body is still tense. She's still planning an attack. But what? With one sword? She flexes her fingers and suddenly Zoro knows. That damned chackra dance. And he's put himself right in her range. If he lets go he might be able to get away but if she numbs him only a little.

"Man, what the hell kinda perfume was that?" Franky says and Zoro is glad to hear it, even if he's coughing like hell too. "I feel like I've been—woah. Hey, hey, what's going on here? If you guys wanted to party like this you shoulda said something earlier."

"Aah, no pants man is awake, too!" says one of the townspeople. Lady Agnes hardens her jaw.

"It doesn't matter how many of your nakama wake up, we're still going to kill you."

A pistol barks followed by Chopper yelps, Zoro's hands tighten just a little before he forces them to relax. It will be fine. Chopper will be fine. He can't let himself lose focus. This is about control. About not cutting the paper even though he can. Luffy wouldn't have given himself up if he wanted Zoro to hurt any of these people.

"Lucky I can't really feel that, pinhead," Franky says and there is the creak of something breaking. "And you're really lucky I've been having a good week, but if you don't cut it out I might just go a little crazy." Someone screams and goes flying down the road before landing hard in the dirt. Lady Agnes head twitches toward the sound but she doesn't relax a bit.

There is a quiet tapping sound. Feet. Someone is running up the hill. Zoro looks up and sees Sundae appear around the curve of the hill road, clutching his swords tied up in a black cloth. She is going pretty fast too, which is impressive considering the weapons are almost as big as she is. She slows at what she sees, her chest heaving and shouts:

"Stop it! What are you doing? Those are Zoro-san's nakama, right? You can't hurt them!"

"Sundae-chan," says a few of the men. The sound of fighting stops.

"Sundae, get away from here!" says Lady Agnes wrenching to look at the girl. Zoro uses the moment to push himself out of range of her fingers. Lady Agnes curses and lunges toward him but stops as Sundae comes running up to them, still holding the swords.

"Mama, don't!" Sundae says. Lady Agnes throws out her arm to bar her way.

"Whose the little sis?" Franky says.

"I don't know,"Chopper says. "I haven't seen her before."

"I bought your swords, Zoro-san," Sundae says, trying to duck under Lady Agnes' arm and squawks when the woman grabs the back of her shirt.

"Stop playing around, Sundae," Lady Agnes says, giving the girl a little shake. "These are pirates. Thieves. Murderers. Their lives belong to Lady Labal."

"No, Mama. _We_ aren't pirates or thieves or murderers and our lives belong to that stupid pirate lady, too!" Sundae says, struggling. "So I don't think anyone should belong to her!"

"It's not that simple…"

Zoro starts up the hill. As long as they are arguing it seems everything is at a standstill. First he needs to check to make sure their damned fool captain is breathing and then go inside to look for the others. As he gets closer Luffy's chest doesn't seem to be moving and Chopper is still staring at the backs of the townspeople with wide eyes.

"Oi, doctor," Zoro says. Chopper looks at him and then down at Luffy and his eyes bulge.

"Oh no! Luffy! Don't worry! Hang on! I'll get it!"

That's taken care of. Chopper will take care of Luffy, and Franky will take care of them both and now he can go in and get Usopp and Robin. He strides toward the house, the green smoke seeping outside and making his throat burn and eyes sting again. There are two looming shapes in the darkness, staggering then running toward him. Zoro braces himself for anything. Usopp and Robin burst out of the cloud, only just supporting each other. Usopp trips on something and they both come falling forward. Zoro catches them before they can hit the ground. Both are coughing and he can hear Usopp gag on something, sees a dribble of red on the ground as he carries them away from the smoke. It will be okay. When he gets closer Luffy starts coughing, too. Good. Everyone is alive. The rest will take care of itself.

"You don't look so good, Longnose," Franky says, taking Usopp from Zoro so that he can lower Robin to the ground without jarring her. She pulls at his sleeve lightly as if trying to thank him but is too busy covering her shuddering coughs, her eyelashes wet.

"Aah! What's going on? Why are they like this?!" Chopper says, having gone back into Brain Point. He rushes over to Robin and presses a stethoscope to her chest.

"Some kind of poison," Zoro says, turning to face the townspeople and fold his arms. Something inside of him unwinds a little. It's good to hear them alive behind them. It's good to stand where he should be, in front of them, protecting them. Though it would be better if his swords were at his waist and not down there were some little girl and her mother are arguing.

He sees Franky leave to go scoop up Usopp's kabuto and shut the door, loud enough to make a few townspeople jump. Then he strides back, pushing his sunglasses onto his forehead with his thumb, though why he has them on at night Zoro has no idea. "So much for a quiet date, right?" Franky grins, then turns and stops beside Zoro, setting the kabuto down before straightening and folding his arms.

"So much for that wrench set, too," Franky continues. "Don't think these guys are gonna be big enough to pay up." Franky looks at him. "Too bad you had to go through all that for nothing."

Zoro shrugs. In this case the past doesn't really matter. All that matters is getting everyone back to the Thousand Sunny, safe and whole and unpoisoned. In the distance he sees Lady Agnes start to come up the hill, looking pissed, Sundae right by her side. There is nothing in the girl's posture that is like a servant girl now. Her head is up, her shoulders square and she looks brave enough to take on a small army.

Lady Anges comes to stand in front of the townspeople like she had been before, legs braced, arms folded. _Hansel_ is still missing from his sheath like a lost limb, a missing tooth. This woman sacrifices too much for stupid reasons.

"Sundae says you saved her life," Lady Agnes says. "For that, I thank you. But I can't let you leave here alive."

"I have to go back to the ship," Chopper is muttering. "I think I know but I have to go back to the ship."

"You can go!" Sundae says.

"No, you can't!" Lady Agnes snaps, pushing the girl behind her. "We've captured your ship. You won't be able to get back on it."

"Nothin' will keep us off that ship, lady," Franky says, cracking his knuckles. "I'll clear the way for you, doctor-bro."

"You'll have to get through us, then," Lady Agnes says, pulling out _Gretal_. "We'll fight you until we die."

"Mama!" Sundae cries.

"Don't… don't be stupid…" Luffy says, grates out. It's good to hear his voice again but Zoro is unprepared for the flood of relief that sweeps over him. Of course he knew that Luffy would be alright. He had no doubts. But it was always good to hear his captain's voice. He feels Luffy grip his sleeve as if to pull himself upright and stop to cough for a minute. Damn poison. What a dirty way to fight.

"Like I'm afraid of you, Mugiwara Luffy," says Lady Agnes. "You look half dead but even if you weren't I'd still fight—"

"I said, don't be stupid!" Luffy yells, standing upright and a little in front of Zoro. Lady Agnes takes a step back. "I promised the cake head guy that we would send those pirates flying for you," Luffy says, jabbing his finger at a flatheaded guy in the crowd. "We'll hurt you a lot if you fight us, even if we don't mean to!" He is breathing heavily, his breath rasping in his chest. Usopp and Robin are still coughing behind him. Zoro wants to kick someone's ass.

"Why should we trust you?" Lady Agnes snaps. "Lady Labal said she would protect us and look at what we have? A crumbling town full of old men and scared children."

"We don't want your home," Luffy says. "We have our own."

Lady Agnes eyes widen and for a moment it looks as if she'll give in, but then she glances at Zoro and something comes over her face, not quite resistance but more like a challenge. She brings Sundae to her side who is looking at them…well probably Luffy…with wide-eyed wonder. He seems to inspire a lot of that.

"We'll put it to your swordsman," Lady Agnes says. "If we were to give you one sword, which would it be."

"_Kitetsu_," he says. "The one with the red sheath." Lady Agnes briefly grips the hilt and her eyes widen and then narrow as she snatches her hand away. She can feel it, he knows. The hunger. The greed. The desire to destroy everything it touches, everything that touches it. The desire to be the deadliest sword in the world.

"And why that one?" Lady Agnes says, her eyes narrowing further.

"It's my responsibility."

Lady Agnes stares at him. Zoro stares back. A wind like a soft sigh whispers and Lady Agne's eyes widen. Then she smiles in a tight painful way and drops her head.

"Better hurry to your ship, Monster-san," she says. "That poison is insidious. I'll send ahead a call to get you on."

"Right," says Chopper. "Usopp, Robin, don't move, I'll be right back."

Zoro hears him running before seeing him springing gracefully into Walk Point, with a few stinging coughs, and galloping down the road.

"And if you want to pay us back when we're done you can give us a huge feast!" Luffy says with a laugh and wide grin.

"Idiot. Don't talk about them paying us before we've even done anything," Zoro says, conking Luffy on the head which sends the rubber man into another coughing fit, but he's still smiling so Zoro guesses that's okay. Lady Agnes just shakes her head and pats the girl on the shoulder before turning back to the townspeople. Sundae comes running up to them, smiling.

"You guys are so cool," she says.

"Yep!" Luffy says, straightening. "Even if Zoro looks like an angry upside down ice cream cone with my hat on."

What? Zoro glares at him. For all the damn good it will do.

"He does! Oh wow." Sundae says before bursting into a giggle fit.

"He looks so dumb right?" Luffy says, laugh-coughing.

"You wear it then," Zoro says, taking the hat from his own head and smashing it down on his captain's. He doesn't look like a damn ice cream cone, angry or otherwise. Tch. It's almost as bad as marimo.

"Thanks for taking care of it, though," Luffy says. As if Zoro needs the thanks.

"Just keep it tied on, stupid. That's what the string is for."

"Pe…perfectly fine," Usopp wheezes and coughs in a small voice behind them. "Didn't hur…hurt at all…" he coughs some more. Sundae frowns and hugs the swords to her chest, looking around them and probably at the sniper.

"You look awful, Usopp-san," she says. "Are you going to be okay?"

"He'll be fine," Luffy says. "He gets all sorts of diseases and he is always okay."

"Diseases?" says Sundae.

"Yeah, like, can't-go-into-that-scary-forest disease or going-to-seriously-die-if-I-steal-Zoro's-swords disease. That one was new."

"Oi, oi." Usopp flaps his hands and coughs. "That's a to…totally different…" he goes into another coughing fit which sounds ten times worse than Luffy's. Zoro's chest tightens. Usopp will be fine and he knows this but that still doesn't mean he's not going to kick someone's ass for making him this way.

"Oh by the way," Sundae says. "Here are your swords, Zoro-san." She passes them to him, black cloth and all. It feels good holding the swords again. More than good. He feels completely balanced for the first time this whole night. But the black cloth is strange, it smells like cigarettes and a familiar spicy scent. What… Oh _hell_. Zoro takes a moment to slide his katana into his obi belt before shaking out the black cloth. Sanji's jacket. Of course. And it smells like that perfume. Damnit. He should have known something had happened when neither of them had shown up. The island isn't that large.

"That's your secretary's boyfriend's jacket right?" Sundae says. "I found it on the side of the road."

"Secretary's boyfriend?" Franky echoes. Zoro ignores him and crouches by Usopp who is resting his forehead on his knees and taking thick clawing breaths.

"Usopp," he touches the sniper's shoulder. "Did you see anyone else in the house?"

"Wha?" Usopp lifts his head, then shakes it, coughing into his hand a few times. "I ch…checked all the rooms. Didn't see—" he coughs. "Didn't see anyone."

"They're on that weird ship," Luffy says with such dead certainty that Zoro knows he's right. And then he suddenly remembers something else about the ship. Something Lady Agnes told him, hours ago it seems. It better not have been hours ago. Zoro surges to his feet. She is talking with her townspeople, her back turned to him.

"Lady!" he calls and she turns, blinking at him as if surprised at being talked to. "When is that rip tide?" he asks. Her brow wrinkles in puzzlement and then recognition and she takes her octopus watch out of her… out of there. After a moment an expression comes to her face that makes ice stab through Zoro's gut.

"In about ten minutes," she says. Shakes her head. "I'm sorry but if your nakama are there…"

"We'll get them," Luffy says, taking Sanji's jacket from Zoro's hands and sliding it on. "Show us how to get there."

"There's a path at the top of the hill that they use to get to that bay," Lady Agnes says. "But I don't think…"

"I'll show you the way," Sundae says. Luffy smiles.

"Thanks, little fish-chan. Zoro can carry you," Luffy says, moving to kneel beside Usopp. "Yosh, let's go, Usopp. Franky, you can take Robin."

"Wait a second," Franky says. "Didn't Doctor-bro tell us to wait? I don't think movin' them will be a good idea."

"Chopper will find us. We all have to go together for right now," Luffy says in his serious voice. "It'll be okay." Then more gently. "Comon', Usopp."

Usopp grabs onto Luffy's shoulders with shaking hands and Luffy lifts him up. Franky seems like he wants to say something, then shrugs and lifts Robin in his massive arms.

"You okay?" Franky asks.

"Absolutely," Robin says, her voice creaky. Zoro looks at Sundae, a little at a loss on how to carry her. If they meet any of the Lady Pirates on the way up he's going to have to fight them in passing and he's not going to do it with a kid in the crook of his elbow.

"I can ride on your shoulders," she says and Zoro kneels down so she can do so, grunting a little as her sharp foot catches him in the ribs. He now knows a little how a tree feels. She sits on his shoulder and there is a small flare of pain as the bullet whines about its presence in his shoulder. Doesn't matter. Small fingers curl into his hair.

"I'm not very good at directions but I can tug at your hair the direction you should go." She giggles. "Like a horse!"

Whose a horse? Zoro wants to say but Luffy says:

"Okay, let's go!"

And they go. Zoro runs as swiftly as he can while paying attention to the little tugs at his hair. Left and then right and then left again and south twisting this way and a little north here and a really freaking _hard _left that makes him wonder how much hair he has lost. He knows they are close when three bulky men come to bar their path. Zoro sweeps out _Wado_ and knocks them aside before sliding it back home, never breaking his stride. There is a line of trees here on either side like a hallway with a gap at the end where there is nothing but black sky and blacker water, shimmering with moon.

"Woah!" Sundae says, and Zoro stops, skidding a little on the grass and almost to the edge of the cliff. Luffy and Franky come up beside him and stop. They are silent a moment, except for Usopp and Robin coughing. The path down to the bay is there, they can see it clearly, but there are no paddle boats and the ship itself is already far out. Really far out with its sails up.

"Oh no," Sundae whispers.

"I hate to say this," Franky says, voice a bit rough, breath rattling. "But it's lookin' pretty bleak."

"We just have to," Luffy coughs. "To stop the ship, right? Take down the sails."

"I don't know what you could do that with, short of fire," Franky says. "Even then it's not a good idea. On a dry night like this there's no telling what else will catch." Not to mention the wind, Zoro thinks.

"What if…what if we…just get the ropes…" Usopp says.

"Sure, that will cut down the risk a lot but, even in the daylight, that would take a pretty crack shot at this distance.

"That's no problem," Luffy says. But there is a problem when Usopp tries to stand and just sinks back to his knees, coughing. Zoro feels his teeth clench tighter. Damned poison. It's not like he can even _do _anything against it. Luffy coughs a few times and then lifts Usopp up, trying to hold him upright.

"Won't work…" Usopp says. "Even if you cough a little…it'll mess…mess things…"

"Then I won't," Luffy says.

"Let me do it," Zoro says because Luffy will never forgive himself if he messes up Usopp's shot. Zoro helps Sundae down then takes Luffy's place behind Usopp. He holds the sniper with both arms and lets Usopp lean back against him a little so he will be steadier. Though Usopp's curly hair is tickling his nose and he hopes to hell he doesn't sneeze.

"Yosh," Usopp wheezes. He sets the kabuto on the ground and it trembles back and forth and then stills as a vine of hands wind out of the ground and hold it secure.

"Little to the right," Usopp says, and the weapon shifts just a little. Usopp loads a ball into the slingshot, mutters something, then coughs and sucks in his breath, holds it. He pulls back on the slingshot and for just a moment Zoro can see the power in it, the tension of the strings, the pull of Usopp's arm at just the right angle. Usopp lets go. The ball flies, streaking into flame, arching high above the water, straight and true toward the ship For just a moment before the ball of flame snaps through the ropes, that are no more than spiderweb thin from here, Zoro knows he has the strongest damn nakama in the world.

Usopp reloads a second time, cracking a ball into the yardarm and snapping the ropes there so the sail swings to one side. He gets the ropes of the other sail as well before he starts coughing again, so hard he can't stop and Zoro helps him down.

"That was a super shot, longnose," Franky says, turning his head away. "Really super. Inspirational. Not that I'm crying."

"That was really cool," Sundae says. "But the rip tide will take them far out. Mama says you can go for a really long way on that without even having to sail."

"We'll just have to get out there," Luffy says. "I can rocket one of you out…" Maybe, but a gum gum rocket would only take them a little under halfway if he is any judge and he doesn't think he can swim that far in…the less than ten minutes they have now.

"I dunno," Franky says, wiping at his eyes with his thumb. "I could add a Coup de Boo to that and get further but that would use a lot of cola and with this damn tickle in my throat, I won't be able to swim as fast." He shakes his head. "I can see me gettin there just in time or just a second too late. 'Course I could push Swordsman over here pretty close with a strong right. Think you can swim fast enough?"

Zoro nods. There's not really any other option.

"You're gonna be out over water, though, Mugiwara," Franky says. And he would sink. Like a damn hammer.

"O…oi, L…Luffy," Usopp says, clenches his hands. "I'll…I'll…" and then doesn't say anything else but Zoro knows what he means. Luffy does too, because he smiles.

"Okay, Usopp. I'm counting on you." Then he spreads his feet, coughs twice and takes a deep breath. Zoro automatically shifts to one side so he won't get his eardrums blasted out.

"OIII! NAMI! SANJI! ZORO'S COMING, SO DON'T GO ANYWHERE!" Luffy bellows, his voice echoing over the water, bouncing off the hills. Robin makes a sound that's either a laugh or a cough. Zoro rests his hands on his swords and hears the clink of metal. The manacles. Zoro cuts them off quickly and the leg irons, too. Then remembers Usopp's. The last thing they need is for Usopp to be weighted down as well.

The sniper is huddled over again, coughing and sounding miserable. Zoro needs to get over there as soon as possible while Usopp is still conscious.

"I'm going to cut those off of you," he says, unsheathing _Wado. _Usopp looks up at him then holds a hand out, telling him to stop.

"W…wait…it's…" he coughs a few times. "Okay… I don't…th…think I ca…can stay still enough…"

"You won't need to," Zoro says, a little annoyed. Even though _Kitetsu _may disobey him now and again _Wado _always goes exactly where he wants it to.

"They're waiting," Luffy says in a tone that says it's time to go. Zoro can hear Usopp swallow and the sniper ducks his head and holds out his hands. Zoro cuts him free easily then sheathes the sword and starts to turn away when Usopp says:

"H…hold on." He fumbles in his bag a moment before holding out the fan and Zoro's bandanna. "They spray right…right in the eyes. Don't for…forget."

Right. Zoro takes both, shoves the fan into his obi, next to _Yubashiri, _and ties the bandanna around his head. Things go dark and he can scent blood on the wind. His luck is returning.

"Send those guys flying for me, Zoro," Luffy says and Zoro nods. As if he would do anything else.

* * *

><p>With thanks to the Effie the Great who does nothing but fic ping me. 3<p> 


	12. The Ship

**The Ship**

* * *

><p>Sometimes Nami wishes she was strong. Not too strong. She's not interested in devil fruit powers. That would just make her a monster and too many people, likely macho guys, would want to fight her to test their skill. And not strong like Zoro is either because there is no way she'd ever look good being that bulky. Not even strong like Sanji, really, because though he looks normal enough, his style means he has to go up close to the enemy and bear the brunt of their attacks. A skill like Usopp's would be nice but then she would have to spend hours perfecting it and tinkering with things and never get anything done. Not that Usopp would be able to do much in a situation with his hands and legs tied. All she really wants is to be strong enough to not have to sit here against the wall, still with the sour taste of old rag in her mouth, and watch these Lady pirate bitches smirk at her like they're so superior.<p>

They're not. Not with that ridiculous hairstyle. And definitely not the way they are currently using Sanji as a footrest. Especially that Labal woman, pointed heel pressing casually into Sanji's face, pistol aimed languidly at his head as if she just can't be bothered to aim properly. The utter gall of it just grinds her gears. Who do they think they are, treating him like that? That's not even mentioning what these damn pirates had done to Luffy, Chopper and Franky, who were all idiots, and Robin, who isn't an idiot, which was worrying. Not that she is worried about them. She knows they'll be fine. They're all monsters. They'll just brush it off like it was nothing and laugh about it later. Maybe. Hopefully.

No, they will. And all she wants to do is to be strong enough to be brave enough to burn off these ropes and get out her Clima-Tact to fry all these harpies to a crisp. Which she would love to do if their meaty body guards weren't standing close enough to rip her weapon from her hands. Not to mention the pistol at Sanji's head.

"Oh don't look so hateful," Labal says, leaning back and smirk. "It doesn't endear me to you. And you want me to be engendered when we're out at sea, trust me." She gestures with the pistol meaningfully. Maybe Nami's sense of self preservation is slipping but she just can't find it in her to smile at this woman. Of course it is hard to do anything with the damn gag still in her mouth. She clenches the lighter between her fingers. All she needs is one distraction—enough to get the pistol away from Sanji's head and then…then she can fry everyone and…get back somehow. Just…how to cause a distraction… She can't even suck up with this gag in.

Sanji groans, it's a slight and soft sound, barely more than a puff of air. Nami sits straighter, clenching her fingers. Is he waking up? _Wake up! _She thinks at him. _Come on, Sanji-kun. Wake up! _Labal chuckles and Nami tries very hard to not let the hate show on her face.

"Such a hopeful expression you had just then. Very charming. However, it doesn't matter, Navigator-chan," Labal says, pushing her heel against Sanji's cheek. "You see that pretty pink on his cheeks? That's Lovely Kiss fever. It happens, unfortunately, when too many kisses mix with the perfume." Labal rests her cheek on her fingers. "Even if the perfume does wear off, he'll be too dazed to do anything for at least a day or two."

"Yeah," says heart shaped braid. "He wouldn't feel anything even if we broke his legs." She laughs. They all do. Bunch of crows. Old women. _Hags_. They'd better not touch Sanji's legs. They'd better let him go soon… If only she had the strength to back that up! If only she could just charge forward screaming like Luffy always does and send everyone flying out of her way.

Urgh. Thinking like that isn't going to help! There has to be some way out of this. Something she _can _do.

"Sadly, that perfume also enhances other things such as, oh, poison. In other words your nakama are likely very dead by now," Labal says, frowning insincerely. "So we'll have to be your nakama now. We're not so bad." She presses a hand to her heart. "Here, Yozu, take out her gag, you big brute. Let our Navigator-chan breathe."

The big beefy guard came closer, feet thudding across the floorboards. Nami tries to tell her heart to calm down. If she can just play this straight somehow. She just has to spin things long enough for Labal to get the gun away from Sanji's head— which means she can't be intimidated by him no matter how…how big he is or how rough his fingers are as he grabs her chin and forces her head up—the smell of his breath in her face. Nami closes her eyes and tries to remind herself again all the various things her nakama can do to this man.

"Open up, girlie," he says, and yanks the cloth out of her mouth. It takes him a heart beat too long to take his fingers away and she can still taste the cloth in her mouth, still feel its presence there. She swallows. She's not sure she can speak right away. But maybe that's good. Maybe if Labal thinks Nami is afraid of her, she'll let her guard down. Yozu doesn't leave as she expects. Just folds his arms and leans against the wall next to her. Trying to intimidate her. Not that it's working at all. Nami presses her back more firmly against the wall to hide her hands. Just in case he notices.

"See, that wasn't so bad," Labal coos and the other women snicker. Nami lets her shoulders slump, staring down at the floor to make it look like she is defeated. She can watch Sanji this way, too, without making it obvious. Not that there is much to see. His eye is still closed. But is it her imagination or did his breathing change slightly?

"If we're going to be such great friends," Nami says, not even able to joke about being nakama, not to them. "Why don't you stop pointing the pistol at Sanji-kun?" He doesn't even twitch. Damnit. Is he really going to be like this for two days? _What if it's more than two days_, says the poisonous part of her mind. _What if he never snaps out of it? _No, she's not going to think like that. This isn't the end. This can't be the end.

"This is just insurance, dear. Once we're out to sea, I won't need to. And if you're a good little girl we might even unchain him after a month or so." It's just like before… But no, it's nothing at all like before. She has Luffy now and the rest of them and Sanji is strong, too. Even if they do go out to sea, they'll find a way back to where they belong or Luffy will find her. She doesn't know how since they don't even have a log pose… Oh god, no they don't. She has it. They will be stuck here. Except that they wouldn't because that idiot would just go out recklessly and wind up getting them all lost… and will anyone be able to predict the weather? Even a little? Maybe Franky. Maybe. But he doesn't seem the type to let a little thing like a massive killer typhoon bother him.

No. She won't do this. She's worrying about things that haven't even happened. She needs to stay focused. There is a knock at the door and Nami's heart leaps. She hopes it is someone saying desperately: _we've got trouble._ Or even the echoing of shouts and screams across the deck. But when the door opens a man says in a too calm voice:

"It's about time to ready the ship, Lady-sama."

"All right," Labal says, standing smoothly and for one moment the pistol is away from Sanji's head. But the big beefy guard is still standing really close. Should she risk it? He could backhand her all the way across the room and the pistol would be back on Sanji in a second. She just had to wait until they all left. Her heart sinks again as Labal hands the pistol to heart braid lady.

"Keep guard, Blush."

"With pleasure," says heart braid lady, resting her pistol hand against her knee but keeping the weapon pointed straight at Sanji's face. The women rise and glide out and to Nami's relief, the men go, too. But the big beefy guard takes an extra moment to pat Nami's hair like she's some sort of…of pet. He seems to want to stay but when Labal snaps his name, he follows her and Nami can breathe again.

"Looks like Yozu likes you," says heart braid lady as soon as the door shuts. "Better watch out, though. He likes to break pretty things." Heart braid lady smirks at her. Nami isn't sure the best way to react to that so keeps her head down, but watches the lady. After a moment heart braid lady gives her a nasty look and starts playing with the pistol, twirling it around on her finger. This is it, Nami knows, her only moment.

She fiddles with the lighter, almost drops it and mentally tells herself to calm down. After a moment's trying she has it in the right position as far as she can tell. Her lips are dry. This could hurt. This could really hurt. But she was stronger than this. She wasn't just any pirate but a _Mugiwara_ with a damned wanted poster and everything. A little pain is nothing.

"So why did you join up with this crew?" Nami asks so heart braid lady will be distracted and her voice will mask the snick of the lighter.

"Oh, so you want to know my life story, do you?" Heart braid lady says, lounging back against the arm of the chair and letting the pistol droop to nuzzle Sanji's stomach. "Well this isn't my first crew you know. I actually joined up with the Two Finger pirates, a ratty West Blue group. Of course I was the only woman on board and all those sweaty guys…"

Nami half listens so she can make encouraging sounds while she flicks the lighter. It doesn't seem to be working. It has to work. She wouldn't be able to do anything unless it did! Then it catches and she sighs in relief before she can catch herself.

"I know, isn't it terrible?" Heart braid lady says. "I mean, three weeks without any sort of bath! But when I moved up in the hot water roster, I made good use of that! Of course, you'll be at the bottom."

"That's terrible," Nami says faintly, feeling the heat shimmering in the palm of her hands, and against her wrists. It's starting to smell and is burning the heel of her hand now. She grits her teeth. It doesn't hurt that much. She can't twist her head far enough to see the smoke and isn't stupid enough to do it either. Just a little more….

"Well you'll just have to deal with it," heart braid lady says. "I mean I did and I…" she pauses. Sniffs. "Hey what's that smell?" She pins Nami with a glare. "What are you doing?"

Damnit. Nami shifts the lighter and heat sears up her arms. In the next second her hands are free. Nami quickly pulls the Clima-Tact from her shirt, feeling the warm weight of the rods between her fingers. Heart braid lady curses and steps back and then breaks into nervous laughter while Nami quickly fits it together.

"You're gonna beat me with that?" Heartbraid lady says. "I hate to tell you, honey, but your range sucks."

Nami says nothing but at her that clongs the the other pirate dead in the forehead in a shot that would make Usopp proud. . Heart braid lady falls backward, her hair flowing around her, and hits the deck with a thud, the gun clattering to the floor but thankfully not going off. Nami quickly unties her legs then scrambles to her feet, wincing at, but ignoring the pain in her ankle as she hurries across the room to retrieve the section of the Clima-Tact. Heartbraid Lady groans a little as Nami starts to pass her and Nami raps her sharply with her weapon and lets out a breath when the woman goes still again. She has a brief idea to search the lady for the perfume or the key but quickly dismisses the idea. She doesn't know when the others will be back and there's still that rip tide to worry about.

Nami steps past the girl and moves to where Sanji is still prone on the floor , giving his chest a little push, only at the last moment remembering the bruises he probably had. Well it doesn't matter because he doesn't stir anyway. Damnit.

"Sanji-kun," she murmurs, shaking him by the shoulder. His head doesn't flop around like he's completely asleep but he doesn't open his eyes either. "Wake up," she says sweetly and when he still doesn't move she tries conking him in the head, not too hard.

"Come on!" she snaps, grabbing him by the collar and shaking him. His head does flop around now, the back of it striking the deck with a particularly sharp thud and she winces. It's stupid. She's seen him worse off than this. She's seen him _electrocuted _for god's sake, and yet he still brushed it off and came to save her. There are footsteps outside. Coming closer. A chill creaks up Nami's spine and she tightens her grip on Sanji's shirt, but the footsteps fade away. She breathes out. But that can't last for long. Someone is going to come in eventually. She_ has _to get out of here. She can't go out the way the Lady Pirates did, but there is another door on the other side of the room, hopefully leading into some sort of hallway where they could get out on deck that way… and once there… and once there Sanji'd be awake enough either to kick someones ass or swim. She'd just have to believe that. At least being out in the open would give them a better chance.

Decision made, Nami stands and grabs the back of Sanji's collar to drag him but his chains drag loudly against the floor and she stops, the back of her neck prickling. If they come charging in… She can use the thunderbolt tempo, maybe but with the air this dry she might set something on fire accidentally and she's really not in the mood to get burned again… Best to avoid that. But she can't leave Sanji here. Ah! What is she supposed to do? Go fast, that is the only sensible answer. Those who hesitate get their nakama shot. Wasn't that a saying somewhere?

Nami nodded to herself and ran toward the door, the chains rumbling behind him. She thinks she hears a shouted question from somewhere outside but can't be sure. Doesn't matter now. She throws open the door without bothering to stop and bites back a shriek as the floor drops into a series of sharp steps in a narrow hallway, steps that she almost falls down but manages to stop just in time. Sanji slides down with her and the back of his head bumps gently into her thigh. Nami lets go of his shirt for just a moment, her fingers aching and sweating from just that much and pats his head absently.

Have to keep going though, can't stop here. She thinks about closing the door but decides it won't buy them much time, grabs Sanji's collar again and feels her way down the stairs as fast as she can without breaking her neck. There had better be another stairwell leading back up on the other side. What is this for anyway? It must go somewhere because she can see weak lantern light up ahead. Does it lead to some kind of pantry or armory or…

There are two long rows of bunks with a narrow aisle in the middle. There is a person on each and every one of those bunks, chained together. There are men and women and even a handful of kids who look like they they could drown in the mess of chains. Nami walks further into the room, hoping she isn't seeing what she's seeing. The heavy spiced scent of the perfume hangs in the air, presses against her eyes. What is she supposed to do now. She can't just leave them. Maybe there's a key or…or…

Nami bites the inside of her lip and keeps walking. She doesn't have _time._ Those pirate ladies may not be devil fruit users but they have that stupid perfume and if she slips up even once and gets hit… No, better leave them alone. She tightens her fingers in Sanji's collar even as her gut squirms. It needs to shut up. Regardless of who her crew are, she can't save everyone alone. She couldn't even do it alone when it was her _own _people.

"Thought I heard someone down here," says a man's voice from behind her. Nami's stomach goes cold again. Oh hell she's been discovered. She drops Sanji, inwardly wincing again as his head thuds hard against the deck and turns, gripping her Clima-Tact in both hands. There is a big man coming from the shadows. More like a solid lump of shadow himself, and he's carrying a sword, that looks really sharp in the flickering lantern light. Which won't matter if he can't get close. The man grins at her and then looks at some point over her shoulder but the grin remains and now Nami can hear footsteps behind her, too. Sounds like boots, not sandals or bare feet or even high heels. _Oh please let it be Zoro._

"Didn't you hear her coming, Compact?" says the man in front of her.

"Oh I heard her," says a nasally voice that is definitely not Zoro from behind. Nami turns so she can watch them both, the ice feeling pooling through her, rippling to the roots of her hair and the tips of her toes. The other man, Compact, she guesses, is thinner but has a pretty large sword himself and is also a lot closer. If she's really quick she can do a thunder ball… but the aisle is so narrow here it can easily jump to one of the prisoners. And if something catches fire… Ah damnit why did they even have to be in here?! No hope for it.

With a grunt, she sends a Cyclone Tempo at him. The loose bar smacks him in the forehead and makes him stumble back and glances off at a sharp upward angle before ricocheting off the ceiling and coming to a hard stop on the top of Compact's head. Sending him crashing to his knees. The loose part of the Clima-Tact is now lying on his chest. There is no time to grab it because the other guy curses and she whirls to face him with what staff she has left, he's charging her, sword held high.

Nami clutches the staff and tries not to scream but a yelp slips out anyway. She is going to die. She is really going to die. The man is only about ten steps away when Sanji suddenly rolls up against his shoulders with a liquid grace and slams both feet into shadow man's sternum. The man gags, blood and spit fly from his mouth and for a moment everything is laced in detail and she can see him still carried forward a bit by the strength of his own momentum. Then time snaps back and the man sails backwards and crashes through a wall.

"Sanji-kun?!" Nami says, feeling her spirits lift for the first time. After a quick look to make sure Compact guy hasn't moved she rushes to kneel beside Sanji so she can look in his face.

"You idiot, are you finally awake?" she tries to sound mean but she just can't shake the lightness in her voice. With Sanji here she doesn't have to… He looks at her, blinking slowly, opens his mouth and says something like 'nnn' or maybe it's just a moan. Okay, well he's still a little dazed it seems. That's fine. She can handle it. Nami shifts into a more comfortable position and pats his shoulder.

"That's okay, I forgive you. But we really should get going."

His brow furrows and he looks confused as if she'd spoken some other language. No. Come on. Things weren't supposed to work like this. He was _awake_.

"Come on, get up," she says, grabbing by the shirt collar and lifting him, shaking him a little but making sure she keeps his eyesight in the same direction of her cleavage. That should do it, right? Even less than this was enough to send him into a wiggle armed tornado! He just closes his eye and his forehead furrows more as if she's giving him a headache. Okay, okay, new tactic.

"Sanji-kun," she murmurs, trying to make her voice shaky which isn't as hard as it should be. "Please wake up. I need your help."

"Nuh…" he says. "Muh…" and his elegant fingers twitch just a little as if he wants to raise his hands but can't. But he kicked, didn't he? Maybe it was like instinctual kicking, like how Zoro could block broom handles in his sleep. What idiots! She can't even count on them for being awake when they should be awake. But she can't hit Sanji. It just isn't fair right now. Once he's conscious though she's going to find a way to give him a few lumps himself for making her worry.

"Nuh muh suh…" he says and trails off. A groan from Compact. Can't stay here. Time to move on.

"Just a little further," she says, pushing herself up. Compact is twitching, starting to wake up. Nami snatches the loose part of the Clima-Tact from his chest, reattaches it, then jams the staff between his legs. He makes a squeaky noise like a scared hamster and flumps over to his side. Good. Nami blows her hair out of her eyes, grabs the back of Sanji's shirt one more time and keeps pulling him, moving as fast as she can.

There seems to be a stairway just ahead. Are those footsteps coming from the deck or the cabin she'd left? Nevermind. Don't worry about it now. If Sanji can kick the crap out of anyone coming behind her she can take care of the front. It's a little harder to drag him up the stairs, but she manages and cautiously pushes open the door. It is a small dark room, with weird circle things hanging in the shadows, lit by strips of moonlight seeping under another door. It doesn't look like anyone is here.

Nami pulls Sanji in and closes the door behind him and then gets a spark of revelation and sits him up against the door so he can block it somewhat. Now, time to check out the situation on deck. She can hear the voice of women close by. Worryingly close by. Nami slowly pushes open the door anyway. Crew running around the starwashed deck. The women standing in a small knot, way too close for comfort.

"What about Lady Chapstick?" says one of the women. "Marcus?"

"They're too late," says a voice that is unmistakably Labal. "We sail with the tide. But what ever are you fretting about? We'll just pick them up the next time."

"That'll be months!" says another woman. Nami clenches her fingers around the Clima-Tact. Months? They have to get out of here. Now.

"What's that?" says a woman.

"Hey look! A shooting star!" says another, looking up. Nami looks up as well. A small bright fireball is sailing through the air, way too close to be any kind of star and snaps through the sail rope. Shrieks and curses rise from the deck. Nami's heart lifts. Is it? _Is it?_ It could be anyone. It could be other pirates. I could be marines. _It's Usopp_.

But even if it is, he's so far away and even if he takes down the sails there is still the tide… Another fireball hits the yardarm so they almost lose the sail completely. A third hits the rope of the other sail.

"What was that?" one of the women shrieks.

"Get those sails back up!" Labal says. "Now!"

But otherwise there is nothing. Nothing. _Come on_… Nami thinks. _Come **on, **you idiot! _Nothing. Nothing nothing. What…what if….

"OIII! NAMI! SANJI! ZORO'S COMING SO DON'T GO ANYWHERE!"

Nami sinks to the floor, keeping a careful grip on the Clima-Tact and her back against the door, and rests her chin on her knees until the tight feeling passes. Until she can look up and speak normally. It's then she realizes that the weird circle things hanging on the walls are metal collars and she remembers the people down below. They'll be okay now. _She'll _be okay now and so will Sanji, not that she was too worried.

"It'll be fine, Sanji-kun," Nami says softly, smiling at him even though she doesn't think he can see it. "I told you it would be…"

* * *

><p>Special thanks to Nekotsuki!<p> 


	13. The Tide

**The Tide**

* * *

><p>They are flying through the air. The moonlight flashing on the water far below them, the dark ship up ahead becoming rapidly closer. Zoro is mildly surprised at how calm his body is about all of this. They are shooting forward at an incredible speed and even though there is water below them, landing on it wrong could still snap his neck which would be really damned inconvenient. But considering all the other times he's been completely airborne, this is the most controlled. Or maybe he's just getting used to it. He feels Luffy's push drop away, confirmed by Usopp's scream as they fall into the water below and gets a better grip on the thick links of Franky's neck chain.<p>

"Coup de Boo!" Franky shouts and they are rocketed forward again, in a high arc. It wont be enough to make it directly onto the ship, but falling at this rate Zoro could probably cut it into three pieces just by having his blades out, maybe even gouge into the sea floor.

"Get ready!" Franky shouts. Zoro braces his feet against Franky's hand. Strange to not really feel anything, no flexing and coiling of muscles, no preparation except for some small clicking vibrations he can feel rather than hear.

"Strong Right!"

Zoro lets go of Franky's chain and is shot forward, crouching against Franky's hand, the speed keeping him there for a brief moment. It's difficult to get a notion of how to adjust. The pressure behind him is more widely dispersed and he can't feel the natural tension that tells him just the right moment to push off. He waits a little too late and by the time he shoves back he's not flying quite as far as he wanted to but there is no helping that. Zoro pulls into a dive and slices cleanly into the water.

He pauses for a moment to get oriented and heads for where the light is dappling on the water above. All in all, for a boost like that, Sanji's kicks are better, especially if going for accuracy. In a situation like that, they're both controlling where Zoro is going to go. He surfaces and takes a deep breath before pulling toward the ship. Not that he's seen enough of Franky's ability to accurately gauge things, but a kick or a sword thrust seem much more effective in the long run because while raw power can make someone crash through a wall, a pinpoint attack can send them through the right wall, or no wall at all. _Paper or steel_, he thinks.

Though when he reaches the ship's smooth black hull, he thinks he would prefer a ladder. There doesn't seem to be any way to get up there short of stabbing his katana into the wood for handholds and that seems disrespectful. Stupid ship. He wonders if they'll put down a rope if he asks. It would be stupid of them but the request might surprise them enough so that they don't think of it. On the other hand there seems to be a lot of running around up there and some woman yelling so they probably won't hear him.

He sighs. No help for it, then. He wraps his hand around _Wado's _hilt_, _apologizing briefly and is about to pull it out when two hands sprout out of the hull. More hands appear, blooming upward in two straight lines and the fingers lace together, so that the hands are cupped, offering him a foothold. Zoro nods. This is the second time Robin has saved his ass tonight. After a few months it probably won't even surprise him.

It's another interesting experience to add, climbing this way. Robin's hands are warm but just off enough to feel not quite alive. Even though he knows she's controlling it, it still startles him a little to feel the hands cup around his foot as if making him more secure. She's strange, that woman. But then, they all are really. Zoro pulls himself up to the railing, swings himself over it and then leans against it to take stock of what is going on.

There are about thirty people on here. Ten of those are women who are standing clustered together like frightened deer…no…really pissed deer. The others are men, some up in the rigging working on the sails, but unarmed, and the others on deck armed mostly with swords but one has a pretty impressive club that has nails in it. How annoying. They look weak and the worst part is they don't even notice him. He can't just attack someone who doesn't see him coming. That's just reprehensible. But he's not just going to announce himself either. They should _feel _him here.

Nothing.

Well, no help for it. If they're going to be idiots they can just be idiots. He'll send them flying eventually. Zoro strides across the deck, resting an arm on _Wado._ The torn part of his yukata moves against the cut on his side, making it itch and he pulls his hand from the sleeve entirely, letting it hang limp. Makes his stomach cold, though. Should have bought his haramaki.

No sign of Nami or Sanji which is strange. Nami is hiding, he imagines, but Sanji had to be awake by now, even if he was hit with the perfume. And if he was awake people would be flying. Maybe he isn't on the ship at all? The thought stops Zoro in his tracks but he shakes his head after a moment and keeps going. If he is he is and if he isn't he isn't. These people have to fly regardless. Couldn't hurt to check, though. Zoro goes up to the tough looking man with the spiked club and taps him on the shoulder.

"Yeah, what?" the man says, glancing at him. "Why aren't you up on the rigging?"

"I'm looking for the bossy nav…" no wait… "Secretary and the curly brow… body guard?" Zoro hazards. Club man blinks at him, traces his finger in the air in a circular motion as if drawing and then claps his fist in his palm.

"Oh, you mean the prisoners. In the Lovely Parlor, I think."

"Okay. Thanks," Zoro says, raising a hand acknowledgment.

"No problem."

Zoro starts walking. Would look stupid if he just stayed put. But he walks slowly so he won't look even more stupid by turning around. A parlor was a little like a bar, wasn't it? And on the Thousand Sunny the Aquarium Bar would be opposite his earring side if he was facing this way so it must be…that little cabin near the stern of the ship. Hell of a small bar. Maybe it was more like wine cellar.

"Hey, wait a minute!"the club man snaps. "Who the hell are you?! Get him, men!"

Zoro stops and takes a moment to savor the sound of ringing swords and boots clattering over a surprisingly hollow sounding deck. Not that this fight will be worth crap… These men have spirit, but cutting them down will be pretty much the same as cutting grass. Even _Kitetsu _is bored with the idea. Well, Luffy did say to send them flying. Zoro smirks and pulls _Wado _and _Kitetsu _from their sheaths.

"Nitoryuu. _Taka Nami!" _he says, whirling on them, energy vibrates off the blades and sends the men flying back. Zoro smirks as he watches them crash into various parts of the ship, one guy even sailing over the railing and skidding up water for a foot or so until he sinks. Not bad. Not bad. _How do you like that, stupid island, _he thinks. _I can make a little wind of my own._ Anyway that's one, two, three, four- nine down and eleven to go not counting the women.

"You bastard!" says Club man, heaving the great club from his back with an impressive burst of strength. "I'll kill you with my own hands!" The man charges at him, teeth clenched and sweat forming between his brows. He's holding the club over his shoulder, but straining with the effort of it. The downswing of that will be both easy to dodge and even if Zoro doesn't, won't mean shit. Still. Zoro lowers his head, glaring at the man through the shadows of his bandanna. If it's a fight he really wants… The man slows down, hesitates.

"Afraid?" Zoro says with a smile. He'll give the man a fight if the man is brave enough for it. The man stops, grits his teeth.

"I'll get you," the man growls, hands tightening. But he doesn't move. Zoro slides _Kitetsu _home since there is no point in boring the sword more. The man drops the club to the ground and says:

"Hey look over there! An owl!" While pulling something that looks like a perfume bottle from his jacket. They're all so dirty. No wonder they can't fight worth shit. Zoro shoves the man over the railing. It's not a respectable fight but there doesn't seem to be a way he can have a respectable fight on this damn ship. Ten down. But there's no reason to keep count, really, he thinks as he heads toward the parlor bar. It's like counting carrot sticks, or peas. Now, if this had been a ship full of big tough juicy steak— _that _would have been worth counting. He bats away another carrot stick who had at least kept running and grudgingly gives him an eleven for effort.

The pissed deer ladies are standing near the parlor bar, still clumped together, some more frightened looking than others. But the one in front, the one with the long fingers that he recognizes from earlier, is staring at him, head lifted, eyes slanted in steely determination. It reminds him of Nami when there is a big cache of beri to be had in some dangerous location or the other. She won't be fighting herself for it, but she'd be willing to send her nakama. Of course dangerous for Nami was generally fun for anyone sensible, but he had a feeling this woman is thinking the same way. Which is fine with him considering the three tough guys that are starting to flank the women like an honor guard.

"Pull up the anchor!" Long fingered woman snaps, hitting the guy closest to her. Zoro is distracted for a moment as he is attacked by three carrots, one skinny mushy pea who squirts perfume at him, and a hard shelled turnip that is slashing at him wildly and screaming but with his eyes closed. These people can be serious. Sweeping them all aside can be barely qualified as exercise. It is because they aren't ready to die. It is because they spend so much time relying on that damn perfume rather than build up any kind of skill. When the assorted vegetables are cleared, he notes with some annoyance that the three men have left the womens' side and are busy with the anchor. Why does it take all three? Oh well, they'll be back once they're through. Zoro starts toward the parlor bar again.

"Stop right there, Mugiwara pirate," says a voice behind him and a faint tremor of feeling goes up Zoro's spine. Is it possible that there is someone with guts _and _honor on this ship? Well there had to be at least one. Zoro turns and the man, well an overgrown kid, really, is holding out two well kept daggers in steady hands and trembling legs. Zoro nods and the kid attacks. He has some natural talent, but needs training if he ever wants to cultivate anything. Zoro can block him easily with _Wado_ and does, absently picking out the flaws in his footwork and the looseness of his stance. It feels more like a training fight than anything and he knows that the tide can hit at any time but if he has to send them flying anyway, he wants to give this kid a decent challenge.

"Damnit, you're not taking this seriously," the kid snaps and Zoro smacks him on the shoulder with the dull part of the sword. The kid yelps and drops a dagger, then drops into a roll to snatch it back up again and meet _Wado's _downswing.

Something strange is going on. The ship is too damn quiet except for the chiming of the blades meeting and the grunts and rattling as the men pull the chain from the water. There are three others watching the fight from the rigging, but no one coming to attack him and still no sounds of Sanji kicking the crap out of people or the clatter of Nami's shoes. It's as if everyone is waiting for something.

"Where is that bitch?!" someone shouts, slightly muffled like they're inside. If anything the tension only thickens. Anyway it's a comment probably meant more for Nami than him and he shifts his stance as the kid, sweating heavily, starts twisting into a more martial arts style of pattern—where his original training was, Zoro guesses. Either way it's time to end this fight. A pistol barks behind him and just as the kid jumps into a some sort of spinning kick, aimed at his head.

"You won't get any stronger with this crew," Zoro tells him, before burying _Wado _blunt side into the bend of his knee and flinging him out and off the ship, using the speed of his turn to pull himself around, slide out _Kitetsu_ and cut the pistol ball in half. Zoro frowns. He'd only meant to block it. _Kitetsu _was getting antsy.

Long fingered lady begins to clap slowly and Zoro looks up at her and realizes the situation is about to go straight to hell. Sanji has appeared in the group of pissy deer women, or rather, one of them is holding him up, his head resting back on her shoulder, throat exposed. His legs are braced against the deck as if helping them keep him upright, but it seems like it is all he could do with them. That would all be bad enough if the weird braid girl doesn't also have a pistol pointed at him.

"I must say, dear, that was beautiful. Quite inspiring," long fingered lady says, putting a hand on her hip. "You're definitely worth your weight in beri, however…" She pauses as one of the women taps her shoulder and whispers something into her ear. "Hm, well I have more things to say, but first you'd better brace yourself, honey."

Brace himse— Suddenly the ship lunges forward, almost like the Thousand Sunny's burst canon and Zoro stumbles forward, sweeping K_itetsu _out of the way of his midsection before landing on one knee on the deck. Damn. The rip tide. The island is whizzing past, a blur of trunks and green and rock.

"Fast isn't it? But don't worry, we'll get used to it. Once we finish our little slingshot tour of the island, we'll be out into open sea," Long fingered lady is saying. "And I would say not to kill me because only I know where the eternal poses are but I really don't think I'll give you the opportunity."

Zoro stands, shifting until his center of gravity is correct again. The woman smiles at him and above their heads, a little black cloud is forming. Good. All he has to do was get Sanji away, but strange braid girl still had the pistol pointed at his head and Zoro isn't sure anyone except Luffy can survive a shot like that.

"Now I want you to put down your swords like a good little boy and jump into the sea. Maybe if you're lucky, the current won't drown you."

No way in hell is he going to do that. No way in hell is he going to leave them alone here. Nami could only just handle this rabble but doing that _and_ protecting Sanji would be beyond her. As for the damn love-cook, as long as these women were around, soft and weak and vulnerable… it is like Sanji's own personal version of sea stone. Long finger Lady's mouth curves up into a tight smile. Sanji stirs, fingers tightening into fists, and she presses those long witch fingers to his face and kisses him until he goes limp again. It's worse than last time, his legs really looking like noodles as they sag underneath him.

"Stop it," Zoro growls and _Kitetsu _spikes with bloodlust. He knows that some part of Sanji's demented pervert cook brain is enjoying the attention. But seeing him helpless when there are people to be fought… When there is Nami to defend…even though she can take care of herself Zoro knows how important it is to the idiot. It isn't only playing dirty it's kicking an enemy while they're cloud is growing. Maybe Nami would jolt them all. That might be good. Sanji will snap out of it, probably, but that won't stop weirdbraid girl from pulling the trigger.

"I probably should. He could overdose at this rate and I'd really rather splatter his brains all over the deck," long fingered woman says. Her voice grows hard. "Which I will if you don't put down your swords, boy."

The three men are approaching again, having gotten swords of their own. Zoro can probably take them barehanded with some effort but that still doesn't solve the problem of Sanji. Still, he crouches slowly to the deck, lowering the swords like he's going to set them down. He hears a clattering on deck a moment before Nami bursts from whatever shadow she was hiding behind and snaps her staff right against weird braid girl's wrist. The girl shrieks and the pistol clatters to the ground. Zoro surges forward, pushing off the deck. Long fingered lady is pulling Sanji up for another kiss. Shit. Zoro puts _Wado_ in his mouth, yanks out the fan and snaps it open between them just in time, shoving back against the lady's face who shrieks and stumbles. He hears a squirt of liquid and ducks his head, feeling wet glide across his wrist as he grabs Sanji's collar and jumps back.

"Thunderbolt Tempo!" Nami yells and the lightning snaps around the pissed deer ladies, making them all scream in unison and filling the air with the faint taste of metal and the smell of singed hair. Sanji hangs limp in his hand, heavy as a corpse. He is breathing. That much Zoro can tell. But his eye is closed, or almost, and he seems dazed.

"Oi, wake up, stupid dart brow," Zoro said around _Wado's_ hilt, shaking Sanji back and forth. "Do you really want me to save your ass?" Apparently he does because the three men are almost on him and they've drawn swords. They're pissed now, too, yelling something about him being a bastard. Well no point in waiting around for them to come. Zoro throws Sanji over his shoulder and charges, using the natural acceleration of the tide to enhance his speed. The first guy yelps and nearly jumps back, but a strike with _Kitetsu _sends him sprawling into the women. The second man is braver and strikes at Zoro's chest, an easy block with the cursed blade, and he's pushed aside too, crashing into the mast. The third man, bigger and stronger looking slashes at Zoro's left shoulder— At Sanji. Zoro blocks the attack with _Wado _but the man is strong and Zoro can feel the pressure against his teeth. He clamps his jaw tighter, the shrieking of metal filling his head.

Behind them, the first man is crawling to his feet, groping for the pistol that is now lying on the ground. Braidgirl is gone, though judging by the shrieks in the near distance, she's fighting Nami somewhere. That's fine but the pistol is going to be a problem. The other men are still pressing at him. Someone is clattering up behind him. Zoro steps back and a little to the side, but still keeping Sanji out of range. The two guys stumble forward under their own weight. Zoro sweeps out _Kitetsu, _sending the second guy careening into the mast, blood flying across his shoulders and wrenches his head so that _Wado _sends third guy plowing into first and sending them both crashing to the deck. A yell behind him and the pounding of feet across the deck. Too close. Zoro shrugs Sanji to his hand, keeping him out of harms way and though it only costs a fraction of a second it's a fraction of a second too much and he feels the glide of a blade across his arm as he spins around, low, and smacks the fourth attacker in the back of the legs, cursing under his breath as he feels the faint snip of tendons and the guy keels over backwards with a shriek and legs that probably won't move again.

A surge of heat rises in his throat. That isn't what he meant to do at all. Completely devastating such a weaker fighter is below him but damn _Kitetsu_ bit too hard. But then who is more to blame? The tiger or its keeper? Shit. Zoro flicks the blood off the blade and slides it home before he ends up doing something stupid, which turns out to be a good idea as Nami calls over the wind:

"We're going to go hard to port!"

And a split second later the deck is sliding underneath him, sending him skidding backwards until he slams into the mast. Other people are screaming too, some of the sounds are gulped up by the sea but he can hear more calls at a muffled distance and the tangling of chains. He can also see some of the weaker vegetables hanging onto the starboard railing. They'll come after him again, probably, once the ship rights and be no trouble to take out except that this bastard is still unconscious.

Zoro glares at the cook whose head is slumped forward so that the swordsman can see nothing but a mess of blond hair. He shakes him experimentally again and nearly loses his bracing against the mast, having to slap a hand against the wood to keep himself there. What a pain in the ass.

"Wake up, you idiot!" he snarls, again, though knowing faintly it will do no good. It's not as if he can't save him or would even have a problem… but Sanji isn't like Usopp. Zoro can't just fling him out of danger. Where Usopp is still working on gaining the courage to actually do something, Sanji is just like Zoro. He needs to prove himself against the sea and against the world. He has a man's pride and Zoro knows he has to protect that more than anything. However, if Sanji doesn't snap out of it soon there will be no one left to fight.

The ship tilts even more and Zoro grits his teeth around _Wado _even as he digs his fingernails into the splintering mast. Of course if they all get tipped in the ocean they're going to have bigger freaking problems then Sanji not getting to kick someone's ass. His foot slips a little in liquid and he realizes its blood and his heart tries to strangle itself in his throat until he realizes it's coming from his own arm. Shit… He thought Sanji had been impaled or something. Not that the idiot chef couldn't survive it, but something like that should come from his own fight, not from hanging like a dead fish from Zoro's hand. Not when Zoro should be protecting him…

The ship tilted even more than slowly, laboriously, righted itself, at least so that he could push himself away from the mast. He straightens, holding Sanji out in front of him, then sighs and takes patient _Wado _into his hand so he can at least cut Sanji's chains free. Maybe Sanji needs to be frightened in order to snap out of it. It had seemed to work that way with Usopp. But Sanji wasn't going to be easily afraid by blades slashing close to his face. There has got to be something Zoro can do that will absolutely scare the hell out of him.

And then Zoro knows—

The one thing that would frighten Sanji more than anything.

He curses himself for knowing.

Reminds himself that you can't save anyone without sacrificing something.

Zoro slides _Wado _home and takes off his bandanna. Then he shifts a little, making sure he's out of the way before giving Sanji a little shake.

"Oi, cook," he says. There is no response. He huffs, rolls his eyes and says: "Sanji…" The cook wearily raises his head as if he's coming up from a long sleep, but the sleep is still in his eyes and on the lines of his face. Zoro clenches the hand he has wrapped in Sanji's shirt so hard he can feel his own pulse rattling in his knuckles and pulls Sanji's face to his so close their noses almost touch.

He is going to get killed for this.

"Lovely kiss," he says.

Sanji's eye bulges and he kicks out with all the will of a man about to fall into the abyss. Zoro drops him and dodges just in time to keep his leg from being snapped out from under him only to slide to one knee as he slips in a puddle of blood. Damn blood. Sanji lands with grace, despite being severely unconscious for the better part of who knows when, only stumbling a little with the pitch of the ship. His legs are too sure to send him down.

"Shit," Sanji mutters, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead. Then his fingers snap into a fist. "_Shit_!"

There is a resounding _bang_ and they both startle, Sanji jumping like a wire was jerked through them. Zoro sees Nami racing from one of the aft cabins, behind her he can see the dim spokes of a wheel and the sweat on her forehead as she slides to a stop and glares at them tells him she must have been the one who kept them all from drowning.

"What the hell are you guys just standing around for?!" she snaps. "Don't you know how much trouble we're in?" and then she races to the side and practically throws herself at the railing, staring down into the water. Just standing around. What part of them even looks like they've been just standing around? And on that note, just what the hell does she expect them to do anyway? Zoro shakes his head and shoves the bandanna in his obi belt since his shoulder is starting to ache like all hell and he doesn't feel like making it ache more.

It is then he notices one of the big men that he had fought earlier is creeping through the shadows towards Nami's vulnerable form. Sanji shoves his hands in his pockets, shoulders angled and starts after him. A predator. A very _pissed _predator. A carrot man tries stupidly to get in Sanji's way but he's kicked away hard enough to dent the deck without Sanji seeming to give it much thought.

"Guess who's here, girlie," the big man says, who quite obviously doesn't notice the chef who is about to crack his skull open like an egg. Nami stiffens.

"Don't even bother turning around, Nami-san," Sanji says as he loosens his tie and Nami relaxes but only a little. Big stupid man whirls on Sanji and seems to want to say something but is stopped to the whiplash back kick that slams into his jaw and sends him sprawling hard across the deck. Zoro narrows his eyes and rests his arm lightly on _Wado._ That kick should have sent the guy over the railing. Maybe Sanji was still fighting off that damn kiss. Big and stupid struggles to his feet. Sanji gets him once on one side of his head and then the other before slamming his shoe up against the man's chin, sending him arching through the air and crashing onto one of his prone comrades.

Sanji stalks steadily toward the man, footsteps ringing against the deck. There is nothing in the rigid lines of the cook's face that shows anything of weakness. _Damn._ Zoro clenches his teeth and begins to stride across the deck. Big and stupid is breathing heavily and gets to his hands and knees. Sanji lifts his leg to heel drop the moron into oblivion. Cursing, Zoro darts between them and yanks up the sheathed _Wado. _Sanji's foot lands hard against the sheath, really damned hard. So damned hard that the vibrations run up into Zoro's shoulders and nearly make him drop the sword on one side. It is more than enough force to whisk that moron's brains into pulp.

_You'd better get the __**hell**__ out of my way, _Sanji is telling him, in the rigidness of his body language, the the grit of his teeth, the narrowing of his eye.

_You're going too far, _Zoro tells him back, shoving forward a bit to emphasize his point. If it was just Sanji being pissed, Zoro would let him kick the man clear across the deck— but it is torture, plain and simple. Sanji is beyond that. Hell they are all beyond that. Too many bastards in this world tortured weaker opponents just because they could— but not the Mugiwara and _never_ the Mugiwara and Zoro is _not _about to lose his nakama over worthless pirates like these. There is a moment which stands on a blade thin line and then Sanji jerks his head away and curls his leg back, his shoulders taking a different kind of tension. Zoro feels a hand claw at the back of his yukata and pops the guy in the head with the butt of _Wado's_ sheath. Because, really, what an idiot.

There is the lull of after battle quiet, nothing but the hush of water and occasional faint groan. Zoro wants to enjoy it but it is difficult as Sanji is now angled away from him, unlit cigarette clamped between his teeth and hands jammed in his pockets as if he is too pissed to even light the damn thing. Of course he is. The battle is over and there is no one, really to fight. The feeling of failure prickles irritatingly under Zoro's chest and the worst part is, there's no one to blame, no one to even really take vengeance on. True, he can blame the assholes that are strewn around them, but he can't shake the feeling that if he had been more on guard, they wouldn't have fallen into this incredibly stupid trap to begin with.

"No good, the current goes right up to the shore. I can't see a break anywhere," Nami says, shaking her head, then turning to face them. She folds her arms and winces, then folds her fingers behind her back.

"Nami-san," Sanji says. "Are you—"

"I'm fine, Sanji-kun," Nami says in a voice that Zoro doesn't buy and he doesn't think Sanji does either. It's not like her to hide when she's hurt unless she's trying to hide something else, too. Had something else happened to her on this boat? Zoro catches himself tapping his fingers against _Wado's _hilt and stills them, trying not to think about it. What else can he do? They've already sent everyone flying.

"Anyway that's not important," Nami says. "The only thing I can think is to drop the anchor and hope we either stop or that it will slow us down enough to keep us close to the island until the tide ends."

Zoro looks for the anchor and finds it exactly where he remembers it. As he makes his way down, nudging an unconscious vegetable aside, he sees the group of pissed deer women, still unconscious, spread out now from where they had fallen, probably due to the pitch of the ship. There seem to be less of them now and he wonders if any of them have been tossed overboard. He almost hopes they have scrambled away below decks, but knows better. That is the point of the Grand Line, though. You have to be ready to die.

He grits his teeth as he picks up the anchor, reminding his shoulder that it doesn't hurt at all, and his arm that this is not a good time to be gushing blood since he probably could use it. With a grunt he lifts the over the railing and drops it in the water, rust that had been on the anchor gritting off on his fingers. He steps back as the chain whips out, rust flakes flying from that, too, glinting copper in the air. Don't they take care of anything on this damned ship? Zoro hears his nakama approach him under the rattle of the anchor chain. There is a small jolt as the anchor catches, a few more jolts as it gropes for a hold. Nami sucks in a breath. Then a stronger jolt, making Zoro slide back on one foot to maintain his balance without gripping the railing, not with Sanji watching.

The anchor holds, the chain is pulled taunt and Nami lets out a long relieved sigh. Well that was that, then. They were too far from land to do anything right now without being drowned by the tide so… Zoro covers his mouth with a yawn. Might as well get the vegetables and deer tied up and then take a nap. He smirks to himself at the mental image. Vegetable and deer. Heh. Maybe love-cook can make a stew.

"Good," Nami breathes. And then Zoro hears it. A creak. A whine that is almost too high pitched for his range. He glares at the chain, daring it. Just daring it. It had better damned not do what he thinks it's going to do. Another squeak. A quiet rusty shriek. Zoro manages to pivot and shove them out of the way just as the chain snaps with an angry _clank, _the part still attached to the ship whipping up into the air and lashing down toward them as the ship charges forward once more. Zoro only just manages to get out of the way himself as it snaps onto the deck, making a long splintered furrow.

"I didn't ask you to save me, Marimo!" Sanji snaps with his typical idiocy that Zoro is, nonetheless, more or less secretly, glad to hear.

"Don't be stupid, Sanji-kun. That thing could have broken your leg," Nami says in her I-am-so-tired-of-this-crazy-bullshit-so-I'm-just-going-to-accept-it-for-now voice. Zoro's always been faintly amazed how she can do that.

"I should have expected it, really," Nami continues with a slight edge. "Why would anything go right, tonight, you know?

"We'll just sail back," Zoro says. Nothing to get worked up over, really. "Longfingers has an eternal pose so as long as she didn't get knocked overboard…"

Yeah…" Nami frowns a this. Then: "Come with me, Zoro, I need you to help me with something." She starts to leave and Zoro starts to follow.

"Nami-swan," Sanji says, getting in his way so that Zoro has to take a step back before he runs into the idiot. "That moron can't even help himself half the time—"

Did Sanji want to fight? Did he really? Because Zoro was getting to the point where wouldn't mind knocking the love-cook to the deck or at least trying.

"So let me—" Sanji continues but Nami interrupts him.

"Maybe later, Sanji-kun. You can…keep watch." She's speaking cheerfully but again there is a line of irritation in her voice. Something else, too, though Zoro isn't sure what it is. Women have always been confusing. They had _depths_ someone had told him once. Depths like an onion. Or were layered like the sea or some nonsense like that. It was probably Usopp that told him. In any case Sanji says nothing else, though is tense again and Zoro is tempted to pick a fight just to get the idiot back but decides to follow Nami instead. The sooner they get this over with the better.

He follows Nami through a weird sitting room thats all done up in pink and blue and spiced with the heavy perfume and the smell of something long burnt still lingering in the air. He spots the origin of the smell from a small coil of rope on the floor, one of which has blackened ends as if it has been burned. Nami looks smaller somehow in this room. Her shoulders fragile looking and rounded, the thinness of her arms where there should be muscle. Her feet are bare, too, which they shouldn't be on this strange ship, and her bony ankles have long pink and red marks, like Sundae had, with a long streak of dried blood on one.

She stops at a darkened doorway, pauses, and gestures for him to go first. Zoro nods and starts down the stairs which are narrow and cramped and steps out into a room at the bottom of the steps where people are lying chained to beds, some, men mostly, sitting up and blinking blearily in the dim light. A man comes hulking at him from the shadows in a corner.

"You bastard," the man says, croaking and clutching his stomach. "Who are—"

Zoro punches him back down. The man cracks his head against the wall and is still. The prisoners are staring at him now, more sitting up. A woman clutches her chains to her chest. A kid nearby starts to cry.

"Demon," a man whispers and Zoro looks around, somewhat disappointed that he doesn't see one. He's never fought a real demon before.

"They mean you, you idiot," Nami says behind him. "You look like hell."

Zoro snorts and moves out of Nami's way, at the same time blocking the unconscious idiot with the stomach problems. Haven't these people ever seen someone bloodied up before? He isn't even that bloody. He's had far worse on East Blue than this. Nami lands on the deck, footsteps soft as a cat, and looks out before looking at him and sighing again.

"You're still bleeding, stupid," she says. Zoro looks at his arm. Oh. Right. He still is. Well it's slowed down a lot now. Once they get back Chopper can put a bandaid on it or something and it will be fine.

"Give me your arm," she says and Zoro has a sense of deja vu as he holds it out to her. She pulls his bandanna out of his obi belt and ties it onto the gash— slice— barely more than a paper cut, really. She's really taking her time knotting the damn thing. Her head bowed, her shoulders squared. She better not be acting weird just because of his damn arm. That is nothing. It is worse than nothing. And she'd never been upset over something stupid like this before. Hell, she's done worse to him before for filching just one of her mikan. Maybe it's something else.

"We'll get back," he says. Either Long fingered lady will have the eternal pose or they would find their way back out of sheer luck or Luffy and the others would find them with even more luck. It might take a few months or years, which Nami won't be happy with, but they could train in the meantime and she can bulk up a little, toughen up like the rest of them. It will be fine as long as they are together. Zoro decides to tell her this but she speaks first.

"Yeah, I know." She steps back and reaches inside her shirt and Zoro watches, not entirely sure what she's doing but fairly sure Sanji would kick him brain dead, or try, if he caught him. He does notice that there are burn marks on her wrists though—which explains the rope. He blinks as she pulls something metal out of …from her… from her shirt.

"Why do you keep stuff in there?" he asks. It's got to be some bizarre woman thing. Nami blinks at him.

"Do I _look_ like I have pockets?"

Ah. That makes sense. _And_ it explains another mystery, too.

"That's why you women wear bras right?" Which figured because the bathing suit tops didn't look like they would hold…anything…together to keep things in, and some of the bras he'd stumbled across on the Going Merry looked like they even had an extra little lining to keep things in.

Nami stares at him. Zoro stares back at her. There should be a wind. He feels the need for it but the wind is still busy screwing with him because the only sound is the creaking of the ship and one of the men coughing. Nami shakes her head and slaps the metal thing into his hand. It is still warm from her…from being in her…pocket.

"Just give that to Sanji-kun, okay?" she says, turning away from him. "Tell him you…found it."

Why the hell is he giving it to Sanji? The idiot cook would much prefer it from her. True if he saw her pull it out of her…pocket… he might just keel over and _die _from blood loss but… Nami pushes her hair over her ear and Zoro sees the burn again and gets it. She's protecting her nakama in the only small way she can. Zoro closes his fingers over the lighter.

"Don't just stand there," she mutters, as if it doesn't matter at all. "Help me look for a key."

Zoro smirks and slips the lighter into his obi belt.


	14. The Missing

**The Missing**

* * *

><p>Chopper carefully sorts the pile of dried herbs on the table, still unscarred and unburned. Not like a real work table at all. At least, not yet. It is morning now. Soft early sunlight streaming into sickbay, though Usopp is still lying in shadow. Chopper keeps an ear trained on him, listening to his breathing— at least he's not wheezing anymore but his lungs still rattle, still full of the poison and Chopper can smell his fever hanging like a wet cloak in the air. The fever is good and bad. At least it means that his body is still trying to fight off the poison but Chopper has to be careful not to let it get too high.<p>

The herbs blur and waver before his eyes and Chopper rubs away the wet with the back of his arm. Sleep is burning in the back of his eyeballs and he can feel his own body wearing down. He should sleep. He should at least nap but everything is strange. The Thousand Sunny is a great ship, but still too new and smells new. The Adam Wood bristles in his nose and they haven't sailed long enough for his nakama's scents to work into every surface. It is also too quiet. Chopper can hear the lap of the waves against the hull, the quiet rattling breath of Usopp, the still weird slap slap of Franky's bare feet on deck, but nothing else. There is no heavy thud of Zoro's boots or the clank of his weights or his snores which carried all through the Going Merry on any given day. No clatter of Nami's shoes or the squeak of her chair as she lounged. No sound of Sanji's regular steps, steady even on rough seas. It would be fine if it was just because they were at a port somewhere. It would be fine if he knew they were okay. But he doesn't and everything is so…so…weird.

The worst part is Chopper isn't even sure what happened. There was Zoro's date, which was interesting and then the weird ship and then the townspeople the Luffy promised to help and then…waking up and feeling like he wanted to cough his lungs out and Usopp and Robin being so sick and running to get the medicine…only to come back and everyone was gone. When he'd finally managed to find everyone, Luffy and Usopp were being pulled from the sea, Usopp barely conscious and fighting for every breath he could pull into his lungs. It had been horrible. Just horrible.

Chopper wipes at his eyes again at the memory and sniffs a glob of mucus back into his nose. Things had gotten a little better once he'd gotten Usopp stabilized and given an antidote to everyone. Franky had told him a little bit about Zoro and Sanji and Nami being on some ship and Luffy had said they would be back really soon except that was hours and hours ago and they haven't returned. It shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't! It was…was too much like that…that other time. The herbs waver again and Chopper sniffs and turns away so he won't wet them, a big knot forming in his gut. He goes to the porthole but it's too high for him and contemplates dragging over a chair before remembering himself and going into Heavy Point to peer out. The sea is a soft blue. Seagulls hang in a sky burned red and gold and he can faintly hear them gossiping to each other as seagulls often do.

Chopper wants to push open the porthole and ask if they've seen a green headed man anywhere nearby, but seagulls never much care for anyone but seagulls and Chopper doubts they will answer. He presses his nose against the cool glass, squinting into the horizon, trying to pick out sails or the weird pointy shape of the island's paddlewheel ship but there's nothing but waves and empty sky. The knot in his gut pulls tighter. What if they got captured? That would be horrible. Whoever could capture Zoro and Sanji will be really strong and even though Luffy is strong and Franky is strong and Robin is strong, Chopper is not so sure he's strong. At least not strong enough. And Usopp isn't in any kind of condition to fight except he'll probably want to fight and that will just make his lungs weaker and — and— and-!

"Yo."

Chopper yelps at the unexpected voice, popping into Brain Point on instinct and scrambles to hide beside a chair.

Stranger at the door! Stranger at the door!

No. Just Franky at the door, who still smells too much like stranger and Chopper's instincts are telling him to freeze, to just stay still and the Franky-creature won't notice. It's stupid reasoning, he knows distantly. Franky isn't a creature. He's a nakama. And anyway, Franky is looking right at him, one eyebrow raised above his weird, fierce eyes. The cyborg scratches the back of his neck.

"Didn't mean to scare you, bro, but, aren't you supposed to be hiding _behind _the chair?"

"Oh," Chopper says faintly. He tries to tell his fur to stop prickling when Usopp's breath catches and he gasps for a few seconds before starting to cough, in soft tired wheezes. Chopper's fur prickles and he hurries over to the sniper's side, putting on the stethoscope he had coiled nearby and pressing it against Usopp's chest. There is a more phlegm in Usopp's lungs than Chopper is comfortable with. He would have to give him a decongestant soon if Usopp wasn't able to bring it up on his own. Chopper pushes the stethoscope back and shifts into Heavy Point to press his fingers to Usopp's forehead and get a better gage of his fever. It has risen. That's not good but not too bad, yet. He will need to be cooled down a little.

"Longnose-bro is gonna be okay, right?" Franky says. "He looks like hell."

"He'll be okay," Chopper says as he dips a cloth in the bowl of water he'd kept by the bedside and drapes it gently over Usopp's head. "It's not as bad as it could be."

"That's good. He was pretty amazing out there," Franky says, coming into the room and dragging the chair around to sit on it backwards. "I mean, you look at him, and he's kinda scrawny compared to the rest of you, but he's one tough bastard." Franky gestures at him. "He got all the way to shore with Mugiwara all while hacking out a left lung, and then tried to go back for his hat. It was super, bro. Just inspiring. You guys are so dedicated."

Chopper smiles. Tries to hide it by ducking his head. That doesn't make him happy one bit! Not at all! That bastard! Of course Usopp is awesome! He wants to tell Franky all that Usopp had done in the past, but he's afraid the tomato monsters and the mermaid shark men would all jumble in his mind and he wouldn't be able to tell it straight. Anyway, telling any of Usopp's adventures seems like bad luck somehow. Like he won't be able to tell it himself. Usopp coughs again, a little stronger. Too fluid. Chopper will have to give him something.

"Gotta admit, though, you guys have me worried," Franky says as Chopper pulls his journal from a lower drawer.

"How so?" Chopper asks, setting the book on the table and flipping it open. He looks for ideas while keeping one ear cocked back on Franky. He doesn't want to reduce Usopp's fever too much, not until the heat can bring down the infection— but if Chopper can help him breathe easier at the same time that might reduce the stress on his body and let him get some real rest. Not willow bark, then. Too strong. But maybe…

"You seem to leak nakama right and left," Franky says. "Doesn't exactly put me in a secure frame of mind, if you know what I mean." Chopper stares at the journal, the words blurring and his gut knots again with worry and something else, too.

"It's not like that," Chopper says, staring absently at the black of his hooves against the white of the page. It isn't like that time. It isn't anything like that time. Back then it had been so uncertain, it had seemed so permanent, he still gets nightmares where he wakes up alone, nothing but the sound of the creaking ship around him.

"We didn't leak them," Chopper continues, setting his jaw. "They'll be back or we'll go and look for them. We'll find each other no matter how long it takes." Which he hopes isn't too long because he misses them all already. And what if one of the others has something really big and dark and dangerous they're running from? But no, it's okay, because they all know now that they're going to face everything together. Franky chuckles.

"Guess you're right about that, Doctor-bro. Mugiwara is damn persistent."

Chopper nods. They all are. Even when it seems impossible. Really impossible. Because what if Zoro and Sanji and Nami can't find their way back? And and what if - No. He can't think about that right now. He has to figure out what to do about Usopp. He snorts a challenge and presses his hooves against the page, forcing himself to focus. Some lemon balm tea mixed with sage would make Usopp sweat and help bring down the fever naturally. Chopper jots this down on a clean corner of the page. But it won't really help with the decongesting. That can be done with several things. He doesn't want Usopp to sit up too long to use steam, he can also diffuse peppermint oil which would help, but Chopper wouldn't be able to smell anything for days. He scratches his nose absently. Onion or garlic would work, or maybe mixing some coltsfoot in with the tea… Or maybe it can be a meal, a kind of broth or something, just nourishing enough to give his body the strength to fight. Only he's not entirely sure what will be best. Hmm. There didn't seem to be any help for it.

"Franky, can you keep your eye on him for a little?" Chopper asks.

"Sure, thing," Franky says. Chopper nods, flipping through the pages for other possible ingredients to make a sort of all in one medicine/meal. He pushes open the door that leads into the galley and says:

"San—" before catching himself. Oh no. Sanji isn't here. Robin is, though, sitting at the table, resting her chin in her hand and giving him a small smile. The rest of the galley is empty; the kitchen seems hollow, full of strange shadows and dusty smells. Chopper closes the journal and hugs it to his chest. What should he do? He feels uncertain suddenly. Not afraid. No. He's a man but… maybe a little anxious… Nothing is where it should be…

"Good morning," Robin says. "Are you hungry, too?" Her voice is still a little hoarse but most of the infection had drained from her in the night. Maybe it is because she has a greater constitution as a devil fruit user… Except Usopp's constitution is really good for a normal human and he is still fighting it. There has to be something else.

"Are you feeling alright?" he asks Robin, looking her over for any signs of lingering illness. She seems more tired than usual. Paler, too, but not feverish. She's still recovering. He frowns. "You should be resting."

"I know," Robin says, still with that faint smile. "I feel much better but I will definitely return to rest soon." She sighs and glances into the kitchen. "Unfortunately it seems that no one has returned. We'll have to make breakfast for ourselves this time, ne?"

"Y…yeah," Chopper says, hugging his book again. She doesn't move and neither does he. He knows it's okay. He knows Sanji would rather they help themselves rather than wait for him and be hungry. And it's not as if he hasn't taken food from the kitchen before… Of course most of that was during midnight raids on the Merry, sneaking behind Usopp with his heart pounding in his throat and his fur bristling all over the place. They'd only been caught once in a greedy two in a row night raid and they'd have probably gotten away with it if they hadn't bounced into Luffy sneaking in and the light had flicked on and there was Sanji and the rest of the time had been just a confused mess of Usopp and Luffy being smashed into walls while Chopper bolted up to the safety of the crow's nest where Zoro happened to be sleeping… Or maybe not sleeping because he'd told Chopper that if he was going to be stupid, he should stand up to the consequences and Chopper had went to apologize to Sanji, only then Nami had yelled at them all for making so much damn noise.

And now they're not here. They're not here and there's no telling where they are and going into the kitchen and using it seems to be inviting bad luck. Like Sanji and the others wouldn't be coming back. And there wouldn't be food raids or Nami yelling or anything. Chopper scrubs at his eyes with his arm again. They have to come back! They just have to!

But they aren't back yet and in the meantime he still has to make the medicine for Usopp. Robin is hungry, too and she's still recovering and Luffy always needs a lot of food because of his scary fast metabolism. R-Right! He can do this. After all he's cooked before and it's not too much different from making medicines! Chopper goes into Heavy Point, both to bolster his courage and so that he'll be able to reach the stove. He plops his journal down on the table then marches into the kitchen—stopping short as he sees the padlock on the refrigerator handle.

"I'll get that," Robin says and a hand blossoms from the door. Oh, right. She'd probably know, wouldn't she? After all Sanji has that weird thing with females—probably because they don't do midnight raids. Well, while she's doing that, he should get stuff to cook with. It's not hard finding pots and pans…but there are so many of them. Big ones and little ones and in between ones and lots of different lids. And the tools are even weirder. There's even something that looks like a small mallet. What can Sanji even do with all these? Does he really use them? Chopper can't begin to imagine it though he's watched Sanji cooking more than once.

But it's no time to get distracted. Even with all this stuff, Chopper can make a meal. Something simple… like soup! He doesn't need much for soup. Just a big spoon. There's one. And a big pot… there's a smaller pot beside it. Looking at it, Chopper gets an idea. Maybe he can make both the medicine and the breakfast at the same time. It shouldn't be too hard, right? After all, he already knows how to make the medicine…and Sanji cooks a lot of stuff at the same time, too.

Chopper grabs the two pots and sets them on the counter, filling them with water. He will start Usopp's first. He's not sure if it'll be nutritious or not but that doesn't matter right now. He puts both pots on the stove and after a moment's hesitation, turns both burners on. It will be okay. This is easy. Everyone is counting on him! First things first. He makes a quick dash into the infirmary, gathering the supplies he needs and doing a quick visual checkup on Usopp. His fever seems to be rising. That's not good at all! Chopper clenches his hands around the medicine bags.

"You doing okay?" Franky says. "You look like you're about to explode."

Of course he's not doing okay! How could he be? What if he can't bring the fever down? If the fever goes any higher Usopp might even die! Aaah! What should he do?! He needs a doctor!

_Stop panicking, fool,_ says his inner Docterine in her rough voice. _You know what to do. _Yes. He does. _Right._ Chopper nods. He can do this! He can! Better use willowbark along with some decongestant. It's stronger but Usopp won't be able to handle the strain of the fever for much longer. It will affect his breathing and everything.

"I'm fine," he says because Franky still looks concerned. "You need to keep his forehead damp. He also needs to keep hydrated. I'll bring in some water and try to help him drink it but make sure he doesn't drink too fast."

"I dunno. I don't think I'd be too good at this nursemaiding thing," Franky says, rubbing the back of his neck. "I can watch him, sure. But I'm not too good at the whole actual taking care of…"

"Just do your best and make sure he doesn't choke," Chopper says and hurries out into the kitchen. He'd ask Robin but she's looking a bit peaked too and he wonders if she doesn't have a mild fever as well. He didn't even bother to check when he came in. She was poisoned, too, he reminds himself. He needs to give her a checkup and Luffy as well just in case. But first this. He bends over the smaller pot, checking to make sure the water temperature is just right before opening the first bag and realizes he doesn't have any measuring equipment with him. That's okay. He knows this. He is a doctor!

He adds the powder, crumples in the herbs and stirs a bit, keeping a nose on it which is most important. Eyes can trick you but smells never lie. Once it's blended well, he turns the heat down and then grabs a cup to fill it with water and bring it to the infirmary. Franky raises an eyebrow at him, as if he's still uncertain and Chopper frowns at him what he hopes looks like a really serious gonna kick your ass Zoro frown and not just a slightly rumpled reindeer doctor frown.

"Just give him tiny sips," Chopper says.

"Alright alright," Franky says, taking the cup which looks even smaller in his huge hand. "Have a little something to drink, Longnose-bro."

Chopper wants to stay and watch but a sniff tells him the heat is still turned up too high so he goes back into the kitchen to turn it down a little more. Stirs. Smells. Okay, good. He just has to wait about ten minutes. Now for the soup. The water is already boiling pretty heavily. Ah. That's probably not a good thing. Chopper turns it down. He's not going to mess up before he's even started! He waits until the water has calmed some before looking at Robin who is watching him.

"I'm going to make soup," he says. "For breakfast. Um. What do you want in it?"

"Anything will be fine," Robin says. "I'm sure whatever Chopper cooks will be delicious."

"That doesn't make me happy at all, bastard!" Chopper says, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. Ahh! She has so much confidence in him! Okay! He can't let her down. He goes back into Brain Point and opens the refrigerator and blinks. There is so much food in here. It's nearly stuffed full but everything seems to be organized just so. Chopper's gaze is drawn to two slices of chocolate cake, swirled with something white, with a small dab of whipped cream on top and cherries in the shape of hearts. It looks soo goood.

But that is not what he is here for; he reminds himself as he sucks the little bit of chocolate he swiped from the end of one of the cakes from the tip of his hoof. He's looking for soup stuff. Where are the vegetables? He can't really see any but there are lots of little drawers so maybe one of those? He takes another little swipe and thinks about it. Chocolate is so good for thinking!

He is about to open one of the drawers when there is a knock at the galley door. Chopper blinks, pulling his head out of the fridge to look doorward. Someone is knocking? Where they back?! Hope surges in him but dies down just as quickly. No… they wouldn't knock. But who could it be? No one has ever knocked on the door before. There is another knock. Softer, as if the person knocking is afraid. Chopper glances at Robin who raises her eyebrows. Hands blossom from the wall to open the door and Chopper tenses wondering who it might be.

The door swings open to reveal one of the village girls, holding a basket of vegetables and looking anxious. She's familiar but Chopper can't place her.

"Hello, Sundae-chan," Robin says warmly and Chopper relaxes a little.

"Hello," she says, clutching the basket of vegetables to herself. "I…I'm sorry to intrude but I was wondering about Usopp-san…"

"He'll be okay!" Chopper says with a smile and he's even fairly confident about this. There are always variables, of course, but as long as his fever doesn't go too high…

"And…Zoro-san?" Sundae says her face hopeful even as her fingers press into the weaving. Chopper looks down again, unsure of what to tell her. He always hates giving bad news. It's easier when he can fix it. It's almost even easier if no one can fix it but… but this hovers somewhere in the realm of maybe…

"They're…not back yet," Chopper says softly, absently tracing the edge of the pot until it gets too hot and singes his finger. He shakes it out and sticks it in his mouth and out of the corner of his eye, sees Sundae look down again.

"Oh…" she says.

"But they will be soon enough," Robin says, and Chopper waits for the inevitable:

'If they didn't drown'

Or:

'If they didn't get eaten by rabid whale sharks'.

But Robin only says:

"What's that you brought with you?"

"What? Oh. It's um… a present, from my village," Sundae says. "Well…from me and Mama. Well…from me. She doesn't know I'm up here. I think she's afraid you'll kidnap me for revenge but I don't believe that!"

"We wouldn't," Robin agrees with a smile. "You'd taste awful even if we cooked you."

"Ehhh?!" Sundae shrieks stumbling back from the door.

"Don't make jokes with such a straight face or she'll believe you!" Chopper cries, nerves fluttering in panic as he flails at her. Now Sundae is going to get really scared and she'll run back to the village and she should be their friend and not run away!

"Sorry, sorry," Robin says but sounds more amused than sorry.

"She didn't mean it!" Chopper says, holding up both hooves, to— show he was unarmed— push Robin's sorry at her, even he wasn't sure but it seemed the right thing to do. Sundae blinks at him.

"I know that."

"So you should just—" Wait what? "Eh?" he says, freezing in place. "Then why did you scream?"

"Because it's fun," Sundae says.

Chopper stares at her.

Sundae stares at him.

A small wind blows and for a moment Chopper thinks he can see something. But that moment is gone in an instant and Chopper hangs his head. Humans… He'll never understand them. Not one bit. He trots back around the kitchen counter and cautiously pops back into Heavy Point, prepared for a shriek or a cry of 'monster' or something like that. Sundae is staring at him, but she doesn't smell afraid. Instead she grins a little.

"You did that before. I remember. You changed into a moose."

"I'm a reindeer." He's so used to saying that now… At least she got close to the same species but there is no way he looks anything at all like a moose.

"Oh. A moose would be cooler."

"No one's asking you!" Besides! Reindeer were plenty cool! In some legends they could fly! Usopp had told him that and Robin had even agreed with that one so it must be completely one hundred percent true. Usopp had even known a few flying reindeer and had gone with them on a sleigh to deliver chocolate eggs to people. But thinking of Usopp…

Chopper turns his attention back to the medicine, sniffing it to check the balance. Perfect. He lowers the heat a little more and watches out of the corner of his eye as Sundae comes over to him and stands on tiptoe to peer into the pot.

"That's a weird looking soup," she says.

"It's medicine. I haven't started on the soup yet."

"Oh, can I do that? Mama taught me a super special recipe and I'm not very good at making it yet, but I'm still pretty good and I bet I can make it even better!"

"Sure!" Chopper says; glad that he can focus on the important things. Sundae grins at him and for the next few moments, things are almost normal again. Or at least comfortable. Chopper focuses on the medicine but helps Sundae and Robin find stuff to cook with, noting where they came from so they could be put back precisely. But soon the medicine is done and he scoops out a bowl for Usopp and…preemptively Franky, and goes back into the med bay.

Franky is still sitting on the chair by the bed except somehow he's acquired a guitar though Chopper could have sworn he hadn't heard the man leave.

"I think he's doing fine," Franky says, strumming a few soft notes with impossibly big fingers. "Hasn't coughed once."

That might be good or it might be because his lungs were getting too weak for it. Chopper frowns and checks his fever first. Still a little high but coming down. He replaces the dried cloth on Usopp's forehead with a damp one, and then puts the stethoscope in his ears to listen to Usopp's breathing. Still really congested. Chopper sniffs and wipes at his eyes before propping Usopp up as best he can and carefully feeding him the medicine. The sniper stirs and moans a bit, coughs but doesn't waken. Once the bowl is empty, he eases Usopp back down and decides to check back in five minutes to see if anything has changed.

"How is he, doc?" Franky says, strumming another soft cord.

"He'll be all right." He has to be all right. Chopper won't let him be anything else. But for right now there are other sick nakama. "Let me check you."

"I'm feeling fine, but okay," Franky says, setting the guitar to the side. He doesn't look feverish at all but Chopper presses the stethoscope to his chest anyway and closes his eyes. It's still hard to know what he's listening for. Franky's body still sounds strange. The breathing has a metallic undertone and there are always bubbling sounds that in a normal human would mean a quick and inevitable death. But it's cola, Franky has said, and Chopper believes him because out of all of his crew, Franky knows his own body. He'd even showed Chopper a schematic once and Chopper couldn't help but be impressed. Franky was really an accomplished surgeon in his own right and Chopper finds a certain comfort in the fact that if someone loses an arm or a leg, Franky will be there to help with a sort of prosthetic.

But for all that he's a cyborg; he's still got organic parts, too. A heart for instance, and a lung and a half and it's the organic lung he's worried about. The other seems pretty efficient at draining the fluid though Chopper's still not so sure about the reliability of a half mechanized liver. He makes a mental note to keep an eye on things and listens carefully. There still seems to be a touch of congestion. It probably won't hurt Franky all that much but it was better to be safe than sorry.

"Here," he says, handing Franky the bowl. "You're still a little congested so you should drink some." Franky takes the bowl in one huge hand and scratches the back of his neck with the other.

"I never really take this kind of thing, doctor-bro. Cola only." And he taps his stomach which rings a bit. Chopper frowns. He doesn't really need it that badly but…

"Okay, but let me know if it gets harder to breathe on one side." And they can figure out something from there. "I should go check on Robin and Luffy…" Chopper says, glancing uncertainly at Usopp still lying there. He doesn't know if Franky will really want to stay here a little longer. He'd promised to be back soon but…

"Don't worry. I got it covered. Now go make sure Nico Robin feels as good as she looks. _Ow!_" Franky says, and Chopper is pretty sure that last part is because of the hand that had grown out of his shoulder and flicked him on the ear. Robin only seems amused when he goes back out into the dining room, though. He checks her and finds she's still fairly congested, though not half as bad as Usopp, and has a light fever on top of it.

"You need to go back to bed and relax," Chopper says, handing her a bowl which she drinks dutifully. "Unless you're hungry now you should wait a bit before eating and let me know if you start feeling dizzy or the coughing gets worse."

"Whatever you say, cute doctor-chan," Robin says, patting his hat and Chopper wiggles and blushes under the attention, pulling the brim of the hat over his eyes.

"Ahh, I'm not cute! Shut up!"

Robin chuckles and coughs a little, says goodbye to Sundae and takes her leave. Chopper watches closely to make sure her gait is even and she's not stumbling or holding onto the walls. But she's smart and unlike other annoying members of his crew, knows to take care of herself and tell him what's wrong rather than letting a four inch gash bleed rivers down his side and say it's barely even a paper cut. A paper cut! How the heck had they survived this long without him, he has no idea.

"The soup is done…" Sundae says, drawing his attention back to her. She's frowning over it and her shoulders are slumped as if she's worried. Worried about them, probably. Chopper swallows and works his hooves together.

"You can stay and have some if you like," Chopper says, wondering if that's even the right thing. He moves back over to the counter and scoops up a bowl of medicine for Luffy and a bowl of soup, too. "I'll be right back; I'm going to go bring these to Luffy."

"Can I come?" Sundae asks, looking up at him. "Can…can I help?" She looks really concerned so all Chopper can do is nod. He hands her the bowl of soup and together they head out into the bright day. The sky seems too blue, the sun sparkling off the water too happy, like it doesn't know they're missing something. That's the way things go, though. No matter who you miss, the world goes on without you.

Luffy is sitting on the figurehead as he usually does in his special seat. Though it's different than normal. Rather than relaxed or hanging on for the ride, he's sitting straight, arms and legs crossed. But it's not like he's waiting. Or at least it doesn't seem so. More like demanding that Zoro and the others come back right now. Chopper wants to go and demand with him; only he still has Usopp to see to.

"Luffy," Chopper calls when they're close enough. "Come here. I need to check you out."

"Eh? Okay." Luffy says and hops onto the deck. Chopper sees a rubbery hand around the medicine bowl in his hand and before he can even think to stop him, both soup and medicine bowls have been emptied into Luffy's mouth.

"Damnit, you're supposed to wait!" Chopper snaps at him. "You don't even know what those were!"

"But they're from Chopper so it's safe, right?" Luffy says, though still sounding a little solemn and Chopper calms down a bit. Oh yeah. Right. Still he's not really supposed to take both at once. Chopper huffs a breath and comes closer. Very light fever, nearly broken and some congestion, but not much. Luffy's always had an insane constitution, though. Chopper has never seen anything like it.

"L-Luffy-san," Sundae says, sounding on the verge of tears. "I…I'm sorry…" And then she is crying. Chopper glances over at her to see her scrubbing the tears away with the back of her hand.

"Sundae…," Chopper says, but is not sure what's wrong. What she's sorry for.

"I'm s-sorry that Zoro-san is g-gone away now. It's a-all our f-fault. E-even after he helped us so much"

"N-no it's okay!" Chopper said, wondering why Luffy wasn't saying anything. Luffy always said things that made it better. "Th-they'll be back. Right, Luffy?"

"Yeah," Luffy says, still in that tone that is serious but not really uplifting.

"No, they won't," Sundae says, gripping the bottom of her shirt and crying openly now, tears and snot running down her face. "N-no one's ever come back. Not ever! Th-they all disappear and w-we never see them a-again!"

"The weird lady pirates come back, don't they?" Luffy says and Chopper, startled, looks up at him. Oh right! They do, don't they? So if they can come back, Zoro and the others can come back, too! Especially since Nami is with them!

"O—oh," Sundae says as if that had just occurred to her. She twists her shirt in her hands again. "But…but what if they get perfumed or—"

"They'll be back," Luffy says, then looks down at Chopper. "How is Usopp?" '

"He'll pull through," Chopper says, looking down at his feet. He wants to tell him Usopp'll be okay, really. Or just leave it at that but—Luffy is still watching him. "It's just…he's having a harder time of it because his body was under a lot of stress."

"He was really cool, though," Sundae says earnestly as if trying to assure Luffy. "He made sure everyone was safe!"

"Of course he did," Luffy says with a grin in his voice that makes Chopper relax a little. "Make him better, soon, Chopper," Luffy says holding something out to him and when Chopper looks, sees it's the hat. A little jolt of something prickles his fur and makes the backs of his eyes sting and he holds it back while he takes the hat carefully in his hooves.

"This will help him get better a hundred percent!"

"Good," Luffy says, and goes back to his perch, seeming a little more relaxed now. Sundae peers at the hat curiously but doesn't say anything until they are back to the galley.

"It doesn't look really special."

"But it is," Chopper says. He doesn't know how to explain it. He doesn't even know the whole story. Not really. But he knows this hat is more special than anything. It smells like Luffy, and the sea, and adventure, and the faint…faint smell of…well something burning. But there is no heat anywhere so maybe he's just mistaking the smell for something else. He steps into the sick bay and stops short when he sees Robin sitting in Franky's chair, a blanket draped around her shoulders. Franky has moved to dominate the far wall and grins at him, giving him a thumbs up, though Chopper isn't sure why.

"This is okay, isn't it?" Robin asks. And Chopper is about to say that she should really be lying down but watches her glance to Usopp. Oh. He smiles a little.

"It's okay," he says. He puts the hat carefully on Usopp's stomach. Just where it looks like it belongs. "I'm here now, Franky," he says over his shoulder to the cyborg. "You can leave if you want."

"Nah. I think I'll hang out here for a little while."

Chopper's smile widens and he sits on the edge of the bed so that Usopp will know he's there and so he can check on him from time to time. Sundae carefully sits beside Usopp's legs and looks at him, but she seems worried, knotting her fingers together.

"You guys seem strong," she says quietly. "But…but will it really be all okay?"

"Of course it will," Chopper says, believing it completely this time. "We've been through more than this. Even Usopp's been through more. He's always going on adventures. This one time he fought fifty foot poisonous plant people all on his own!"

"Ehh? Really?!" Sundae says, her eyes going huge.

"I remember that story," Robin says with a laugh. "You should tell it."

"That's a new one for me," Franky adds with a grin. "Go on, Doctor-bro. Tell it like you mean it."

"Okay!" Chopper scrambles to his feet and tries to put on the most Usoppish pose possible, feet braced wide, hands on hips, shoulders thrown back. "There he was, all alone on a deserted island… except…there was a village there for some reason um…"

"Castaways," Robin says.

"Oh right! They were washed ashore when they were attacked by a ghost ship! That story is really spooky too. Oh…and …and Usopp had just defeated the ghost ship… No, wait… Yeah! He had! And he crawled on the island, barely surviving and saw the wrecked people about to be menaced by plant people fifty-five and a half feet tall. The half is the most important part," Chopper says, putting a hoof to his lips like Usopp did sometimes. He can't remember why the half was important just now but he is sure Robin does. Franky chuckles.

"I bet it was the most important part. _Ow!_ Woman!"

"Fufufufufu."

Sundae giggled and Chopper grinned. Thought a second, then remembered:

"Oh yeah, so he saw them coming up and said:" And Chopper went into Usopp pose again, though this time put up one hoof as if stopping an invisible horde of menacing fifty-five and a half foot tall poisonous plant people. "You'd better stop right there, you big green beasts!" Chopper says, trying for the deepest manliest voice he can manage. "Because this island is now under the protection of the Great Captaaain Usopp! Wa ha ha ha ha…."


End file.
